My Immortal Commentary
by I brake for nobody
Summary: The one and only , MY IMMORTAL, with commentary from me. You know you want to read it. I don't know how many brain cells I'll have left after this. So read and review. Rated T for murder of the English language and horrible descriptions. COMPLETE
1. Chapter 1

**Here's my commentary on the infamous Tara Gilesbie, My Immortal. **

**I have no idea how many brain cells I'll have left after this. So for the sake of me and my brain cells, read and review this. This is also my first Harry Potter fanfic. **

**We'll go through this together.**

**So *cue dramatic drumroll* I give you**

Chapter 1.

AN: Special fangz (get it, coz Im goffik)'**Goffik' My new name for my friends.** 2 my gf (ew not in that way)**I wasn't even thinking of that. But thank you for that image.** raven, bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da story and spelling. U rok!**I blame Raven for this.** Justin ur da luv of my deprzzing life u rok 2! **Justin Bieber? That would explain a lot of things **MCR ROX!** Meh**

Hi my name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way and I have long ebony black hair (that's how I got my name)** Thank you for clearing that up, I would have never known.** with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee (AN: if u don't know who she is get da hell out of here!).** Is it just me or am I sensing a Mary Sue?** I'm not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he's a major fucking hottie.** Yes, because incest is a lovely thing.** I'm a vampire but my teeth are straight and white. **Because that's not normal? ** I have pale white skin. I'm also a witch, **So, she's a witch and a vampire? I am so jealous.** and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England where I'm in the seventh year (I'm seventeen). I'm a goth (in case you couldn't tell) and I wear mostly black. I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there. For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt,** I don't care.** pink fishnets **Pink?** and black combat boots. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation,** Doesn't she have pale white skin? ** black eyeliner and red eye shadow. I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining **Snowing and raining? What kind of fucked up weather do they have there? **so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. **Are you afraid that people would freak out when you sparkle?** **I know I am. **A lot of preps stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them. **The best way to deal with preps. **

"Hey Ebony!" shouted a voice. I looked up. It was…. Draco Malfoy! **Run while you still can!**

"What's up Draco?" I asked.

"Nothing." he said shyly. **Shyly? This is obviously some parallel universe. **

But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away. **That is the best sentence I have ever heard.**

AN: IS it good? **No** PLZ tell me fangz! **Sigh.**

**Chapter 1 and I already feel light headed, 44 more chapters to go.**

**I can't think properly now, just read and review while I go and stick my head down a drain.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2! I will try and update every day. But I'm currently writing 6 stories, so I'll try my best. **

**I forgot to mention in the previous chapter, that I do not own My Immortal; it belongs to the very awesome Tara Gilesbie. – Seriously, she's like my hero.**

**So read and review my little goffik preps**

Chapter 2.

AN: Fangz 2 bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da chapta! BTW preps stop flaming ma story ok! **I don't think that's going to stop them.**

The next day I woke up in my bedroom. ** In her bedroom? I usually wake up in my bathroom. **It was snowing and raining again. **What is up with the weather?** I opened the door of my coffin and drank some blood from a bottle I had. **They sell blood in bottles now? I'll have to ask for it next time I go shopping. **My coffin was black ebony and inside it was hot pink velvet with black lace on the ends. I got out of my coffin and took of my giant MCR t-shirt which I used for pajamas. **Mental images I do not need, thank you very much.** Instead, I put on a black leather dress, a pentagram necklace, combat boots and black fishnets on. I put on four pairs of earrings in my pierced ears, and put my hair in a kind of messy bun.

My friend, Willow (AN: Raven dis is u!) **Curse you, Raven** woke up then and grinned at me. She flipped her long waist-length raven black hair with pink streaks and opened her forest-green eyes. **Why would she flip her hair and then open eyes? I get it, only the cool goffiks can do that.** She put on her Marilyn Manson t-shirt with a black mini, fishnets and pointy high-heeled boots. We put on our makeup (black lipstick white foundation and black eyeliner.)

"OMFG, I saw you talking to Draco Malfoy yesterday!" she said excitedly. **Did she really talk in chat speak? *sigh* I'm not cool enough for that.**

"Yeah? So?" I said, blushing. **Vampires can blush now? Good to know.**

"Do you like Draco?" she asked as we went out of the Slytherin common room and into the Great Hall.

"No I so fucking don't!" I shouted. **When you blush it totally means you don't like him. Geez, Willow. Get with it.**

"Yeah right!" she exclaimed. Just then, Draco walked up to me.

"Hi." he said.

"Hi." I replied flirtily. **See? She doesn't like him.**

"Guess what." he said.

"What?" I asked.

"Well, Good Charlotte are having a concert in Hogsmeade." he told me. **Wooh, muggles are now allowed to go to Hogsmeade. Bye bitches, I'm going there! **

"Oh. My. Fucking. God!" I screamed. I love GC. They are my favorite band, besides MCR.

"Well…. do you want to go with me?" he asked.

I gasped. **O my God, the suspense is killing me!**

**So there we go. Hehe, my dogs are staring at me, which I find creepy. But I still love them. Just like, I love this story. Seriously, it's so bad, it's great! **

**I can literally feel my brain crying. **

**Meh.**

**Read and review my little goffik preps. **


	3. Chapter 3

**Whoop! Two updates in one day. Don't you just love me?**

**Meh, there's not much to say except that I don't own my Immortal. *sigh***

**Enjoy**

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><p>Chapter 3.<p>

AN: STOP FLAMMING DA STORY PREPZ OK!** Yeah, stop FLAMMING, whatever the hell flamming is.** odderwize fangs 2 da goffik ppl 4 da good reveiws! FANGS AGEN RAVEN! oh yeah, BTW I don't own dis or da lyrics 4 Good Chralotte.

On the night of the concert **God, it's another clothing description **I put on my black lace-up boots with high heels. Underneath them were ripped red fishnets. Then I put on a black leather minidress with all this corset stuff **Corset stuff? Mmm, interesting. **on the back and front. I put on matching fishnet on my arms. **What the hell? **I straightened my hair and made it look all spiky. **She must be really talented if she can straighten her hair and make it spiky. Why couldn't I be Ebony?** I felt a little depressed then, so I slit one of my wrists. **When I'm depressed I eat chocolate. **I read a depressing book while I waited for it to stop bleeding and I listened to some GC. I painted my nails black and put on TONS of black eyeliner. Then I put on some black lipstick. I didn't put on foundation because I was pale anyway. I drank some human blood so I was ready to go to the concert. **You hear that? Before going to a concert, you should drink some blood.**

I went outside. Draco was waiting there in front of his flying car.** When did Draco get a flying car? *gasp* He stole it from Ron!** He was wearing a Simple Plan t-shirt (they would play at the show too), baggy black skater pants, black nail polish and a little eyeliner (AN: A lot fo kewl boiz wer it ok!). **Uh huh.**

"Hi Draco!" I said in a depressed voice.** Yes, because when I'm depressed I also shout it.**

"Hi Ebony." he said back. We walked into his flying black Mercedes-Benz (the license plate said 666) and flew to the place with the concert. On the way we listened excitedly to Good Charlotte and Marilyn Manson. We both smoked cigarettes and drugs. **What great role models **When we got there, we both hopped out of the car. **And died, because you're still in the air. *crosses fingers*** We went to the mosh pit at the front of the stage and jumped up and down as we listened to Good Charlotte. **Damn their still alive. *puts down party hat***

"You come in cold, you're covered in blood

They're all so happy you've arrived

The doctor cuts your cord, hands you to your mom

She sets you free into this life." sang Joel (I don't own da lyrics 2 dat song).

"Joel is so fucking hot." I said to Draco, pointing to him as he sung, filling the club with his amazing voice.

Suddenly Draco looked sad. **That's stupid. You only told him that some guy was hot on your first date. Why would he be sad? I mean, geez.**

"What's wrong?" I asked as we moshed to the music. Then I caught on. **Aren't you clever?**

"Hey, it's ok I don't like him better than YOU!" I said.

"Really?" asked Draco sensitively and he put his arm around me all protective. **O. my God. Draco's sensitive now. What has the world come to?**

"Really." I said. "Besides I don't even know Joel and he's going out with Hilary fucking Duff. I fucking hate that little bitch." I said disgustedly, thinking of her ugly blonde face. **What did Hillary Duff ever do to you?**

The night went on really well, and I had a great time. So did Draco. After the concert, we drank some beer and asked Benji and Joel for their autographs and photos with them. We got GC concert tees. Draco and I crawled **Crawled? Geez, how drunk are you?** back into the Mercedes-Benz, but Draco didn't go back into Hogwarts, instead he drove the car into… the Forbidden Forest! **What a great cliffhanger. Seriously, I am biting my nails because of the suspense.**

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><p><strong>It's hard to think that this was the longest chapter so far. O_o <strong>

**Read and review my awesome preps. Preps are cool :)**

**Awesome quote of the day:** When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep - not screaming, like the passengers in his car.


	4. Chapter 4

**This chapter will scar you for life. But you'll read it anyway.**

**I don't own this story. I NEVER WROTE THIS STORY. I only wrote the comments in bold.**

**I'm glad we understand each other now.**

**Enjoy**

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><p>Chapter 4.<p>

AN: I sed stup flaming ok ebony's name is ENOBY **I thought it was Ebony? I dear Lord there's two of them! ** nut mary su OK! DRACO IS SOO IN LUV wif her dat he is acting defrent! dey nu eechodder b4 ok!

"DRACO!" I shouted. "What the fuck do you think you are doing?" **Holding a knife in his hand and laughing like a maniac, walking closer towards me. And then finally cutting my head off. **

***sigh* If only that's what happened. **

Draco didn't answer but he stopped the flying car and he walked out of it. **Hopefully falling to his death since it's still in the air.** I walked out of it too, curiously.

"What the fucking hell?" I asked angrily. **Yeah, I'd say that too, if I was able to walk out of a flying car and not fall to my death. **

**Oh stupid Jeanette, Enoby/Ebony is a witch and vampire. She can do anything.**

"Ebony?" he asked.

"What?" I snapped. **Draco's so stupid. Doesn't he know that you'r not aloud to ask her any questions? Only Ebony can ask questions.**

Draco leaned in extra-close and I looked into his gothic red eyes (he was wearing color contacts) which revealed so much depressing sorrow and evilness and then suddenly I didn't feel mad anymore. **You hear that kids? Get yourself an evil looking boyfriend and you'll never be mad again.**

**God, I remember this part. Turn back now! **And then… suddenly just as I Draco kissed me passionately. **This is your last warning. **Draco climbed on top of me and we started to make out keenly against a tree. **Hehehe, keenly.** He took of my top and I took of his clothes. I even took of my bra. **MENTAL PICTURES!** Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time. **I am seriously laughing so hard now. Thingie into my you know what. HOW GREAT IS THAT? **

"Oh! Oh! Oh! " I screamed. **O my God, please get me some brain bleach. Excuse me while I go and stick my head down a drain** I was beginning to get an orgasm. We started to kiss everywhere and my pale body became all warm. **That's just not right. ** And then….

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!" **I fucking love this line!**

It was….Dumbledore! **Marry me!**

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><p><strong>How awesome is this Dumbledore? I am going to stalk him. He will marry me. Hehe<strong>

**Don't you just love this story, Tinkerbelle? (She's my dog)**

**She's just staring at me; I'll take that as a yes. Who can't love this story? It's so horrible that it's great!  
><strong>

**Anyway, since I'm not Ebony or Enoby or whatever her name is, I can't read minds, so you'll have to review in order for me to know what you think.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5. There's not much to say, so enjoy.**

**I don't own My Immortal.**

**Enjoy.**

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><p>Chapter 5.<p>

AN: STOP flaming! if u flam it menz ur a prep or a posr! Da only reson Dumbledeor swor is coz he had a hedache **If only Dumbledore could always have headaches. That be awesome. **ok an on tup of dat he wuz mad at dem 4 having sexx! **Not just sex with one x, no, they have sex with two xx. Hehe that sounds weird.** PS im nut updating umtil I get five good revoiws! **Damn, now we'll never get an update.**

Dumbledore made and Draco and I follow him. He kept shouting at us angrily.

"You ludacris fools!" he shouted. **Great insults. **

I started to cry tears of blood down my pallid face. **She should get that checked. **Draco comforted me. **Now he's comforting her? Now I know we're in a parallel universe. **When we went back to the castle Dumbledore took us to Professor Snape and Professor McGonagall who were both looking very angry. **I wonder why? **

"They were having sexual intercourse in the Forbidden Forest!" he yelled in a furious voice. **Sexual intercourse. Hehe.**

"Why did you do such a thing, you mediocre dunces?" asked Professor McGonagall. **Why can't my teachers be like this? **

"How dare you?" demanded Professor Snape.

And then Draco shrieked. "BECAUSE I LOVE HER!" ***Hits head repeatedly on desk***

Everyone was quiet. Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall still looked mad but Professor Snape said. "Fine. Very well. You may go up to your rooms." **WHAT! When I get in trouble, I'll yell. Because I LOVE HIM! That will get me off the hook.**

Draco and I went upstairs while the teachers glared at us.

"Are you okay, Ebony?" Draco asked me gently. **He's probably thinking of ways to kill you.**

"Yeah I guess." I lied. I went to the girl's dorm and brushed my teeth and my hair and changed into a low-cut black floor-length dress with red lace all around it and black high heels. **Is that how she goes to sleep? *sigh* I'm not cool enough for that. I only wear pajamas to bed. **When I came out…. **SUSPENSE! **

Draco was standing in front of the bathroom, and he started to sing 'I just wanna live' by Good Charlotte. **That's actually an insult. I mean she's dead, and he's singing a song on how he wants to live.** I was so flattered, even though he wasn't supposed to be there. We hugged and kissed. After that, we said goodnight and he reluctantly went back into his room. **Just hugged and kissed? Geez, you were doing some stuff a while ago.**

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><p><strong>Hehe, mediocre dunces. I'm going to insult my friends like that.<strong>

"**Emma. You're a mediocre dunce."**

"**What?" She just stared at me. But I knew it was an awesome insult.**

**Wasn't that just great?**

**So review my little goffik preps.**


	6. Chapter 6

**I decided to update again today. Since I'm on holiday and have writers block with my other stories. And for some strange reason, I really love doing this story.**

**But the story only gets worse from here.**

**I do not own My Immortal.**

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><p>Chapter 6.<p>

AN: shjt up prepz ok! PS I wnot update ubtil u give me goood revows! **Gooooood revows?**

The next day I woke up in my coffin.**I don't really know what to say right now.** I put on a black miniskirt that was all ripped around the end and a matching top with red skulls all over it and high heeled boots that were black.** It's like she thinks we care what's she's wearing.** I put on two pairs of skull earrings, and two crosses in my ears. I spray-painted my hair with purple. **O dear Lord. Why would you spray paint your hair?**

In the Great Hall, I ate some Count Chocula cereal ***sniggers*** with blood instead of milk, **It is tastier that way. What am I saying? This story is messing with my head.** and a glass of red blood. Suddenly someone bumped into me. **How dare they? ** All the blood spilled over my top. **Tragic. You got red blood all over your red shirt. **

"Bastard!" I shouted angrily. I regretted saying it when I looked up **Can't yell at him because he's hot, I get ya sister. ** cause I was looking into the pale white face of a gothic boy with spiky black hair **O God, no.** with red streaks in it. He was wearing so much eyeliner that I was going down his face **Um eeuw. **and he was wearing black lipstick. He didn't have glasses anymore **Please, I am begging you, don't do this.** and now he was wearing red contact lenses just like Draco's and there was no scar on his forhead anymore. ***Starts to sob* **He had a manly stubble on his chin. **My boyfriend has a girly stubble. I have to break up with him now.** He had a sexy English accent. He looked exactly like Joel Madden. He was so sexy that my body went all hot when I saw him kind of like an erection only I'm a girl so I didn't get one you sicko. **Just please, shut up.**

"I'm so sorry." he said in a shy voice.

"That's all right. What's your name?" I questioned.

"My name's Harry Potter, **I hate you. ** although most people call me Vampire **Hahaha. No wait. This is fucked up.** these days." he grumbled.

"Why?" I exclaimed. **She doesn't ask questions. Oh no. She exclaims them. **

"Because I love the taste of human blood." he giggled. **He giggled? What? He giggled? HE GIGGLED? I have to lie down now. **

"Well, I am a vampire." I confessed. **Yes, tell the guy you just met that you're a vampire.**

"Really?" he whimpered. **Good God, now he whimpers. First he giggled and now he whimpered. **

"Yeah." I roared. **I'm imaging her standing on all fours roaring like a lion. If only.**

We sat down to talk for a while. Then Draco came up behind me and told me he had a surprise for me so I went away with him. **Makes sense I guess.**

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><p><strong>Wasn't that just, make your eyes bleed, horrible?<br>Review my goffik preps.**

"**Emma! Harry Potter is now a wannabe vampire who giggles and whimpers."  
>"NOOOO! This chick is evil."<br>"Na, she's my hero. Hehehe , I can just imagine this Harry being emo."  
>"I hate you. Harry Potter is no wannabe vampire. He's the boy who lived."<br>"Yeah yeah, I love this Harry though."  
>"You're dead to me."<strong>

**Aren't friends just wonderful?**


	7. Chapter 7 Bring me to life

**Surprisingly the story just gets worse. Although this chapter is my favorite so far.**

**I do not own My Immortal. It belongs to Tara Gillesbie **

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><p>Chapter 7. Bring me 2 life <strong>Why what is this? A title? My dreams have been fulfilled<strong>

AN: wel ok u guyz im only writting dis cuz I got 5 god reviuws. **I think God is too busy to review this.** n BTW I wont rite da nxt chapter til I git TIN god vons! **Are we in Germany now? **STO FLAMING OR ILL REPORT U! Evony isn't a Marie Sue ok she isn't perfect SHES A SATANITS! n she has problemz shes depressed 4 godz sake!

Draco and I held our pale white hands with black nail polish as we went upstairs. I was wearing red Satanist sings on my nails in red nail polish (AN: c doez dat sound lik a Maru Sue 2 u?). **Not at all. Your black nail polish just turned red. That is a normal occurrence.** I waved to Vampire. Dark misery **Ooh that sounds like a name of a song. **was in his depressed eyes. I guess he was jealous of me that I was going out with Draco. **?** Anyway, I went upstairs excitedly with Draco. We went into his room and locked the door. Then… **Suspense **

We started frenching passively (**Passively:** **not active or not participating perceptibly in an activity.) How lazy can you get? **and we took off each others clothes enthusiastically. He felt me up before I took of my top. **An image I do not need.** Then I took off my black leather bra and he took off his pants. We went on the bed and started making out naked and then he put his boy's thingy in mine ***Laughs*** and we HAD SEX. (c is dat stupid?) **Very.**

"Oh Draco, Draco!" ** O MY GOD! I need brain bleach! **I screamed while getting an orgasm when all of a sudden I saw a tattoo I had never seen before on Draco's arm. It was a black heart with an arrow through it. On it in bloody gothic writing were the words… Vampire! **Of course it was.**

I was so angry. **Of course you were.**

"You bastard!" I shouted angrily, jumping out of the bed.

"No! No! But you don't understand!" Draco pleaded. But I knew too much.** That's a surprise **

"No, you fucking idiot!" I shouted. "You probably have AIDs anyway!" **That was a bit harsh.**

I put on my clothes all huffily and then stomped out. Draco ran out even though he was naked. He had a really big you-know-what ***sniggers* **but I was too mad to care. I stomped out and did so until I was in Vampire's classroom where he was having a lesson with Professor Snape and some other people.

"VAMPIRE POTTER, YOU MOTHERFUCKER!" I yelled. **That is how I'm walking in to class tomorrow. On another note. I can just imagine Snape's reaction to this. Ebony yelling: "VAMPIRE POTTER, YOU MOTHERFUCKER!" and Draco running in naked.**

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><p><strong>Wasn't that just awesome?<strong>

**Read and review, preps.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Bitches! It's holiday! I am so happy!**

**Yeah um, I think this story has made me crazy.**

**I do not own my Immortal.**

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><p>Chapter 8.<p>

AN: stop flassing ok! if u do den u r a prep! **I'm okay with that.**

Everyone in the class stared at me and then Draco came into the room even though he was naked and started begging me to take him back. **Of course they would be staring at you. If I was there I would be taking photos **

"Ebony, it's not what you think!" Draco screamed sadly.

My friend B'loody Mary Smith **Woo Hermione's back! ** smiled at me understatedly. **Apparently this happens a lot. **She flipped her long waste-length gothic black hair and opened her crimson eyes **Only the cool goffiks can do that.** like blood that she was wearing contact lenses on. She had pale white skin that she was wearing white makeup on. **That makes no sense** Hermione was kidnapped when she was born. **What?** Her real parents are vampires I** repeat. What? **and one of them is a witch but Voldemort **VOLDY! **killed her mother and her father committed suicide because he was depressed about it. **Poor Vampire ** She still has nightmares about it and she is very haunted and depressed.**Like everyone else in this story. ** It also turns out her real last name is Smith and not Granger. (Since she has converted to Satanism she is in Slytherin now not Griffindoor. ) **What happened to the cool sorting hat?**

"What is it that you desire, you ridiculous dimwit!" **We should all have great insults like these.** Snape demeaned angrily in his cold voice but I ignored him.

"Vampire, I can't believe you cheated on me with Draco!" I shouted at him. **She doesn't even know for sure that he cheated on her. **

Everyone gasped. **If it was me, I would have burst out laughing.**

I don't know why Ebony was so mad at me. **Who's talking now? I'm confused. ** I had went out with Vampire Ah**, I'm guessing Draco?** (I'm bi and so is Ebony) for a while but then he broke my heart. He dumped me because he liked Britney, a stupid preppy fucker. **How dare he? **We were just good friends now. **Were. Past tense. ** He had gone through horrible problems, and now he was gothic. (Haha, like I would hang out with a prep.) **What did preps ever do to these people?**

"But I'm not going out with Draco anymore!" said Vampire.

"Yeah fucking right! Fuck off, you bastard!" **No need to use such wild profanity **I screamed. I ran out of the room and into the Forbidden Forest where I had lost my virility (**refers to any of a wide range of masculine characteristics viewed positively. It is not applicable to women or to negative characteristics)** **So she lost her manhood. Shame on you Draco. ** to Draco and then I started to bust **How does one bust in to tears? I'm quite curious. **into tears.

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><p><strong>Me: Emma, Hermione's parents are vampires and witches. She was kidnapped by Voldy when she was a baby. I never knew that.<strong>

**Emma: Shut up. This story has made you lose your very few brain cells. **

**Me: I take offence to that. I'm quite intelligent.**

**Emma: *snorts* you're taking a liking to this story. It's not helping your brain cells.**

**Me: I thought we were friends?  
>Emma: We're done. This story has changed you.<strong>

**Me: *Starts to weep while starting on next chapter.* I don't need her. I have this awesome story.**


	9. Chapter 9

**This story is messed up. Meh o well.**

**I don't own My Immortal**

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><p>Chapter 9.<p>

AN: stop flaming ok! I dntn red all da boox! **SHOCKER! **dis is frum da movie ok so itz nut my folt if dumbeldor swers! **I want to watch the movie she's talking about.** besuizds I SED HE HAD A HEDACHE! and da reson snap dosent lik harry now is coz hes christian and vampire is a satanist! MCR ROX!

I was so mad and sad. I couldn't believe Draco for cheating on me. I began to cry against the tree where I did it with Draco. **She sure has a great memory.**

Then all of a suddenly, an horrible man with red eyes and no nose **I wonder who this is.** and everything started flying towards me on a broomstick! He didn't have a nose (basically like Voldemort in the movie) and he was wearing all black but it was obvious he wasn't gothic. It was… Voldemort! **You kind of gave it away. But Voldy's finally in the story.**

"No!" I shouted in a scared voice but then Voldemort shouted "Imperius!" and I couldn't run away.

"Crookshanks!" I shouted at him. **She threw Hermione's cat at Voldy! How rude of her. **Voldemort fell of his broom and started to scream. **He's such a wuss **I felt bad for him even though I'm a sadist so I stopped. **Not a very good sadist then.**

"Ebony." he yelled. "Thou must kill Vampire Potter!" **Voldy's turned in to Shakespeare now. Does Tara like to ruin all the characters? **

I thought about Vampire and his sexah **I love that word. Just say it. Sex-ah. Makes' me feel cool. **eyes and his gothic black hair and how his face looks just like Joel Madden. I remembered that Draco had said I didn't understand, so I thought, what if Draco went out with Vampire before I went out with him and they broke up? **You only now get it? How stupid are you?**

"No, Voldemort!" I shouted back. **Don't be mean to Voldy!**

Voldemort gave me a gun. **Where are the wands? ** "No! Please!" I begged.

"Thou must!" he yelled. "If thou does not, then I shall kill thy beloved Draco!" **Voldy's so mean to perfect Ebony. That's why I love him.**

"How did you know?" I asked in a surprised way.

Voldemort got a dude-ur-so-retarded look on his face. **Kind of like the look we all have when reading this story. **"I hath telekinesis."** *Starts laughing out loud* I'm so going to get a shirt that says that.** he answered cruelly. "And if you doth not kill Vampire, then thou know what will happen to Draco!" he shouted. Then he flew away angrily on his broomstick. **That was a weird visit.**

I was so scared and mad I didn't know what to do. Suddenly Draco came into the woods. **Now he's a stalker.**

"Draco!" I said. "Hi!"

"Hi." he said back but his face was all sad. He was wearing white foundation and messy eyeliner kind of like a pentagram (geddit)**If she says 'geddit' one more time, I will go out and punch someone.** between Joel Madden and Gerard Way.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

"No." he answered. **No need to answer her so rudely. **

"I'm sorry I got all mad at you but I thought you cheated on me." I expelled. **Expelled? **

"That's okay." he said all depressed and we went back into Hogwarts together making out. ***Hits head repeatedly on desk***

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><p><strong>My husband Dumby isn't in this chapter. But my lover Voldy is.<strong>

**This story has made me lose many of my friends. They say I'm crazy to do this, I just ignore them and keep on writing.**

**So that's it for this chapter.**


	10. Chapter 10

**This chapter made no sense. Nothing. Zilch. Nada!**

**In other news, this story is really messed up. But yet we love it anyway.**

**I don't own My Immortal.**

Chapter 10.

AN: stup it u gay fags if u donot lik ma **She's a hillbilly. ** story den fukk off! ps it turnz out b'loody mary isn't a muggle afert al n she n vampire r evil datz y dey movd houses ok!

**AN: Stop it you gay fags. If you don't like my story, then fukk off! Ps it turns out Bloody Mary isn't a muggle after all. She is a vampire, and they are evil. That is why they moved houses okay!**

**I think that's what she said.**

I was really scared about Vlodemort **I think you should be more scared of Voldermort, not this Russian impersonator. **all day. I was even upset went to rehearsals with my gothic metal band Bloody Gothic Rose 666.** How original. ** I am the lead singer of it and I play guitar.** Of course you are, you're perfect. ** People say that we sound like a cross between GC, Slipknot and MCR. The other people in the band are B'loody Mary, Vampire, Draco, Ron **They got Ron now! ** (although we call him Diabolo **What the fuck? ** now. He has black hair now with blue streaks in it. **She took away his red hair. Ebony you are officially on my hit list**) and Hargrid. Only today Draco and Vampire were depressed so they weren't coming and we wrote songs instead. **Isn't that what you do at band practice? ** I knew Draco was probably slitting his wrists **Then go comfort him, you slut. **(he wouldn't die because he was a vampire too and the only way you can kill a vampire is with a c-r-o-s-s (there's no way I'm writing that** You just did.**) or a steak **She's going to feed him to death.**) and Vampire was probably watching a depressing movie like The Corpse Bride.** Isn't that a Disney movie?** I put on a black leather shirt that showed off my boobs **Classy.** and tiny matching miniskirt that said Simple Plan on the butt. **Slut **You might think I'm a slut but I'm really not. **I stand corrected.**

We were singing a cover of 'Helena' and at the end of the song I suddenly bust into tears. **I'm still confused as to how someone can bust into tears? **

"Ebony! Are you OK?" B'loody Mary asked in a concerted voice.

"What the fuck do you think?" I asked angrily.** Why are you so rude? She just asked a fucking question.** And then I said. "Well, Voldemort came and the fucking bastard told me to fucking kill Harry! But I don't want to kill him, because, he's really nice, even if he did go out with Draco. But if I don't kill Harry, then Voldemort, will fucking kill Draco!" **That was a really long sentence **I burst into tears.

Suddenly Draco jumped out from behind a wall. ** *Blinks***

"Why didn't you fucking tell me!" he shouted. "How could you- you- you fucking poser muggle bitch!" (c is dat out of character?) **Yes**

I started to cry and cry. Draco started to cry too all sensitive. Then he ran out crying. **You people cry too much. Get over it.**

We practiced for one more hour. Then suddenly Dumbeldore walked in angrily! **WhoO! Dumbeldore's here bitches! ** His eyes were all fiery and I knew this time it wasn't cause he had a headache. **Aww. I was looking forward to hardcore Dumbledore, my husband. **

"What have you done!" He started to cry wisely.** Dumbeldore can do anything he wants!** (c dats basically nut swering and dis time he wuz relly upset n u wil c y) "Ebony Draco has been found in his room. He committed suicide by slitting his wrists." **But I thought Vampires couldn't die that way. Stop fucking contradicting yourself.**

**My cousin wrote this one with me. Blame the swearing on him.**

**Toodles**


	11. Chapter 11

**Since I have been away for so long I have decided to update twice today? I'm so nice.**

**I don't own the masterpiece which is My Immortal**

**Enjoy**

* * *

><p>Chapter 11.<p>

AN: i sed stup flaming up prepz! c if dis chaptr is srupid!1111 it delz wit rly sris issus! ** Sigh **sp c 4 urself if itz ztupid brw fangz 2 ma frend raven 4 hleping me! **Curse you, Raven**

"NO!" I screamed. I was horrorfied! B'loody Mary tried to comfort me but I told her fuck off **I really want a friend like Ebony, she's so nice and comforting **and I ran to my room crying myself. Dumbledore chased after me shouting but he had to stop when I went into my room cause he would look like a perv that way.** So in this world, if you run in to Ebony's room, you are a pervert.**

Anyway, I started crying tears of blood** *This is me having a 'what is going on' face* ** and then I slit both of my wrists.** Depressed slut** They got all over my clothes so I took them off and jumped into the bath angrily** Just, um, no** while I put on a Linkin Park song at full volume. I grabbed a steak** I'm hungry now.** and almost stuck it into my heart to commit suicide.** DO IT! DO IT!** I was so fucking depressed!** We get it** I got out of the bathtub and put on a black low-cut dress with lace all over it sandly. **Sandly?** I put on black high heels with pink metal stuff on the ends and six pairs of skull earrings. I couldn't fucking believe it. **Me neither, Ebony. I can't believe this story at all.** Then I looked out the window and screamed… Snap **Pop and Crackle. Sorry I just couldn't help myself **was spying on me and he was taking a video tape of me! And Loopin was masticating to it! **So he was chewing? What is wrong with that?** They were sitting on their broomsticks.

"EW, YOU FUCKING PERVS, STOP LOOKING AT ME NAKED! ARE YOU PEDOS OR WHAT!" I screamed putting on a black towel with a picture of Marilyn Mason on it. Suddenly Vampire ran in. **Harry, don't bother! **

"Abra Kedavra!" **I think she got her spells messed up.** he yelled at Snape and Loopin **Lupin was only eating. Leave him alone! **pointing his womb. **Funny mental images** I took my gun and shot Snape and Loopin a gazillion times and they both started screaming and the camera broke. Suddenly, Dumblydore **That is not the man I married** ran in. "Ebony, it has been revealed that someone has - **Someone has what? No, don't make me die of suspense now! **NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" he shouted looking at Snape and Loopin and then he waved his wand and suddenly…

Hargrid **Is that Hagrids hairy cousin? ** ran outside on his broom and said everyone we need to talk.

"What do you know, Hargrid? You're just a little Hogwarts student!" **What?**

"I MAY BE A HOGWARTS STUDENT…." Hargirid paused angrily. "BUT I AM ALSO A SATANIST!" **Fuck no. She messes up everyone's characters. **

"This cannot be." Snap said in a crisp voice as blood dripped from his hand where Dumblydore's wand had shot him. "There must be other factors." **What is going on? *Scrolls up* I'm lost.**

"YOU DON'T HAVE ANY!" I yelled in madly. **Don't have any what? Bubblegum? Shoes? A personality?**

Loopin held up the camera triumelephantly. **I now have an image of an elephant in my head now** "The lens may be ruined but the tape is still there!" ***Coughs***

I felt faint, more than I normally do like how it feels when you do not drink enough blood. ** I wouldn't really know, I'm always stocked up on blood.**

"Why are you doing this?" Loopin said angrily while he rubbed his dirty hands on his clook. **Clook? I'm guessing it's his cloak, or maybe something some dirty. No! Jeanette, you don't need those images!**

And then I heard the words that I had heard before but not from him. I did not know whether to feel shocked and happy or to bite him and drink his blood because I felt faint. **Hahahahahaha. That's a pretty hilarious sentence.**

"BECAUSE…BECAUSE…." Hargid said and he paused in the air dramitaclly, waving his wand in the air. Then swooped he in singing to the tune of a gothic version of a song by 50 Cent. **I would pay to see that.**

"Because you're goffic?" Snap asked in a little afraid voice cause he was afraind it meant he was connected with Satan. **What the fuck? **

"Because I LOVE HER!" **Oh dear Lord. Who doesn't love this piece of wood?**

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><p><strong>Horrible, just terrible. My eyes bleed!<strong>

**I love it.**

**I have no friends left anymore.**

**Read and review, since you readers are my only friends now.**

**Random crap for the day: ** **Typically, if you look to the left you are constructing a thought or object, therefore often called; lying.**


	12. Chapter 12

**Good lord this chapter is long! 1000 freaking words!**

**This is the most confusing chapter so far, so be warned.**

**I don't own My Immortal.**

**Enjoy**

Chapter 12.

AN: stop f,aing ok hargrid is a pedo 2 a lot of ppl in amerikan skoolz r lik dat I wunted 2 adres da ishu!**What issue? That you're an idiot?** how du u no snap iant kristian** Because his name is Snape.** plus hargrid isn't really in luv wif ebony dat was sedric ok! **Wait. What? Did she really confuse Hagrid with Cedric? And when the fuck did Cedric arrive?**

I was about to slit my wrists again with the silver knife that Drago **Drago? You know what? I'm not even going to try and make sense of this story. It hurts my brain too much.** had given me in case anything happened to him. He had told me to use it valiantly **She knows a big word? Wow!** against an enemy but I knew that we must both go together. **Fuck, I'm confused again.**

"NO!" I THOUGHT IT WAS HAIRgrid **I think this is Hagrids hairy cousin** but it was Vampire. **Harry. I hate this chick so much.** He started to scream. "OMFG! NOOOOO! MY SCAR HURTS!" **But she said he didn't have a scar anymore.** and then….. his eyes rolled up! You could only see his red whites. ***Blinks* Red whites? Um. Okay.**

I stopped. "How did u know?" **Know what? That his scar hurts? He felt it you dumbass.**

"I saw it! And my scar turned back into the lightning bolt!" **Saw what? What is going on?**

"NO!" I ran up closer. "I thought you didn't have a scar anymore!" I shouted. **She has some sense at least.**

"I do but Diabolo ***Sobs* Poor Ron never stood a chance ** changed it into a pentagram** ?** for me and I always cover it up with foundation." he said back. "Anyway my scar hurt and it turned back into the lightning bolt! Save me! then I had a vision of what was happening to Draco….Volfemort **Volfemort? Is there a Voldemort impersonator club going on around somewhere. **has him bondage!" **Good Lord. Now I have an image of Voldemort and Draco doing stuff with whips. Thank you so much, Ebony.**

Anyway I was in the school nurse's office now recovering from my slit wrists.**But you never slit them. Remember, you were about to, but then Vampire came in and his scar hurt. Then he somehow had a vision. ** Snap and Loopin and HAHRID** How hard is it to write Hagrid?** were there too. They were going to St. Mango's **A hospital for fruit. Ebony would be welcome there.** after they recovered cause they were pedofiles **Why is everyone pedophiles in this story?** and you can't have those fucking pervs teaching in a school **No, really? Pervs are not allowed in schools now? I never got that memo. ** with lots of hot gurlz. **So ugly girls would be okay then. God, this girl is dense.** Dumbledore had constipated ***Sniggers* Sometimes I really love her typo's** the cideo camera they took of me naked. I put up my middle finger at them. **Don't pull your finger at my husband you slut. Leave Dumby alone. He's epic.**

Anyway Hargrid came into my hospital bed holding a bouquet of pink roses. **Ebony hates pink, pink is preppy, remember. **

"Enoby I need to tell u somethnig." he said in a v. serious voice, giving me the roses.

"Fuck off." I told him. "You know I fucking hate the color pink anyway, and I don't like fucked up preps like you." I snapped. Hargrid had been mean to me before for being gottik. **Can someone try and decipher this, I really cannot do that to my brain, it has suffered enough.**

"No Enoby."** Evony? Enoby? What happened to Ebony?** Hargrid says. "Those are not roses." **Please let them be poisen.**

"What, are they goffs too you poser prep?" I asked cause I was angry that he had brought me pink roses. ***Blinks***

"I saved your life!" He yelled angrily. "No you didn't I replied." "You saved me from getting a Paris Hilton p- video**She can say many other words, but she cannot say porn?** made from your shower scene **You were in the bath!** and being vued by Snap and Loopin." Who MASTABATED **All Lupin did was eat. Leave him alone. And Snap was hanging with his pals, Pop and Crackle.**(c is dat speld rong) to it he added silently.

"Whatever!" I yelled angirly.

He pointed his wand **His wand. I can just see him pointing to something else. Shit, this story has made me see the sick things in life.** at the pink roses. "These aren't roses." He suddenly looked at them with an evil look in his eye and muttered Well If you wanted Honesty that's all you haD TO SAY! . **What? This chapter makes no sense.**

"That's not a spell that's an MCR song." I corrected him wisely. **Screw you Ebony. Only Dumbledore can say things wisely. **

"I know, I was just warming up my vocal cordes." Then he screamed. "Petulus merengo mi kremicli romacio(4 all u cool goffic mcr fans out, there, that is a tribute! specially for raven I love you girl!)imo noto okayo!" **Only cool goffiks can put the letter 'o' after every word and make it seem cool.**

And then the roses turned into a huge black flame floating in the middle of the air. And it was black. Now I knew he wasn't a prep. **I know preps who like black.**

"OK I believe you now wtf is Drako?" **I'd like to know that too. **

Hairgrid rolled his eyes. **His hairy eyes.** I looked into the balls of flame but I could c nothing.

"U c, Enobby," Dumblydore **Why does she keep on insulting the love of my life? I'll have to make a mental note to kick her ass later.** said, watching the two of us watching the flame. "2 c wht iz n da flmes(HAHA U REVIEWRS FLAMES GEDDIT **She said geddit. *Goes out and punches random person on the street.***) u mst find urslf 1st, k?"

"I HAVE FOUND MYSELF OK YOU MEAN OLD MAN!" **I'm back, what did I miss? Did he just call Dumby a mean old man? Screw you, Hairygrid.** Hargrid yelled. dUMBLydore lookd shockd. I guess he didn't have a headache or else he would have said something back. **I will give him some alcohol when he gets home, hardcore Dumbledore is life.**

Hairgrid stormed off back into his bed. "U r a liar, prof dumbledoree!" **Now he's a fish? **

Anyway when I got better I went upstairs and put on a black leather minidress that was all ripped on the ends with lace on it. **It's amazing that she thinks we care.** There was some corset stuff on the front. Then I put on black fishnets and black high-heeled boots with pictures of Billie Joe Armstrong on them. I put my hair all out around me so I looked like Samara from the Ring **That sounds ugly.**(if u don't know who she iz ur a prep so fuk off!) and I put on blood-red lipstick, black eyeliner and black lip gloss. **You put black lip gloss on blood red lipstick? How did you do that?**

"You look kawai, girl." B'loody Mary said sadly. "Fangs (geddit **Grrr.**) you do too." I said sadly too, but I was still upset. I slit both of my wrists feeling totally depressed and I sucked all the blood. **I have to comment on this? I can't.** I cried again in my bathroom and put the shades on so Snap and Loopin couldn't spy on me this time.** Finally she gets some sense?** I went to some classes. Vampire was in the Hair of Magical Magic Creatures. **Is that where they teach you how to brush magical magic creatures?**He looked all depressed because Draco had disappeared and he had used to be in love with Draco. He was sucking some blood from a Hufflepuff. **I can just see that image. Harry looking all depressed with a poor hufflepuff connected to his mouth. Pretty hilarious, but I like Hufflepuffs, Harry should leave them alone.**

"Hi." he said in a depressed way. "Hi back." I said in an wqually said way.

We both looked at each other for some time. Harry had beautiful red gothic eyes so much like Dracos. Then… we jumped on each other and started screwing each other. **Ebony is not a slut at all! She just had sex with her missing boyfriends ex-boyfriend, nothing wrong with that.**

"STOP IT NOW YOU HORNY SIMPLETONS!" ** I love these insults. **shouted Professor McGoggle who was watching us and so was everyone else. **I would as well.**

"Vampire you fucker!" I said slapping him. "Stop trying to screw me. **It takes two to tangle. I didn't see you objecting to it. **You know I loved Draco!" **loved. Loved is past tense.** I shouted and then I ran away angrily.

Just then he started to scream. "OMFG! NOOOOO! MY SCAR HURTS!" and then….. his eyes rolled up! You could only see his red whites. **Okay. Why am I still writing this? Why are you still reading this?**

"NO!" I ran up closer.

"I thought you didn't have a scar anymore!" I shouted. **Hasn't this happened before?**

"I do but Diabolo changed it into a pentagram for me and I always cover it up with foundation." he said back. "Anyway my scar hurt and then I had a vision of what was happening to Draco….Volfemort has him bondage!" **Hasn't it? *Scrolls up* **

SPECIAL FANGZ 2 RAVEN MY GOFFIX BLOOD SISTA WTF UR SUPPOZD 2 RIT DIS!11111111

HEY RAVEN DO U KNOW WHERE MY SWEATER I **She first gives a tribute then she yells at her for taking her sweater.**

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><p><strong>Sigh. How much more of this torture must we endure? <strong>

**There are 44 freaking chapters! *Starts to sob* **

**Read and Review**

**Toodles**


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13. Already?**

**I watched the new Harry Potter today! IT WAS AWESOME!**

**I don't own My Immortal.**

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><p>Chapter 13.<p>

AN: raven fangz 4 gelpin me agen im sory ah tok ur postr of gerard but dat guy is such a fokin sexbom!**I walk out of my friends' houses taking their huge posters all the time. That's normal. ** PREPZ STOP FLAMIGNG! **Let's all do the flamingo dance! Sorry, random moment.**

Vampire and I ran up the stairs looking for Dumbledore.** She spelt his name right? Hallelujah!** We were so scared. **My husband would never hurt you.**

"Dumbledore Dumblydore!** There goes my hopes.**" we both yelled. Dumbledore came there. **Mental images! What is this story doing to my head?**

"What is it that you want now you despicable snobs?"** *Sniggers* Ebony, would you please give me a list of all your great insults? ** he asked angrily.

"Volsemort **Another impersonator. ** has Draco!"** But didn't Draco commit suicide like two chapters ago? Fuck, I'm not going to read it again.** we shouted at the same time.

He laughed in an evil voice. **Dumby? The man I married? He would never!**

"No! Don't! We need to save Draco!" we begged.

"No." he said meanly. ** I need a divorce now. Anyone know a good lawyer? **"I don't give a darn what Voldemort does to Draco.** But Draco's dead. *Gasp* Voldy's into necrophilia **Not after how much he misbehaved in school especially with YOU **Hehe, Ebony finally gets what's coming to her.** Ebony." he said while he frowned looking at me. "Besides I never liked him that much anyway."** But he's the headmaster! You can't let someone, even a dead one, suffer because you don't like him.** then he walked away. Vampire started crying. "My Draco!" he moaned.** Get mind out of gutter.** (AN: don't u fik gay guyz r lik so hot!) **Facepalm**

"Its okay!" I tried to tell him but that didn't stop him. He started to cry tears of blood.**They should really get that checked.** Then he had a brainstorm. "I had** What is up with all the past tenses?** an idea!" he exclaimed.

"What?" I asked him.

"You'll see." he said. He took out his wand and did a spell. Then… suddenly we were in Voldemprt's lair!

We ran in with our wands out just as we heard a croon voice say. "Allah **Isn't that Muslim? ** Kedavra!"

It was….. Voldemort! **Strange, you went into Voldemort's lair, and found Voldemort! What is the world coming to?**

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><p><strong>So there we go, I'm still deciding whether to divorce Dumby now.<strong>

**All you shy readers, review! I love reviews, but I'm not mean, so I won't force you. Hehe.**

**Loves.**

**Toodles**

**Jeanette**


	14. Chapter 14

**Yes all my despicable preps! I have brought thou chapter 14.**

**Thou must enjoyeth and revieweth. Yes, I'm slightly crazy today. But only slightly.**

**I don't own My Immortal. Sadly.**

**Enjoy.**

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><p>Chapter 14.<p>

AN: fuk off PREPZ ok! **Tara seems to be having a hard day.** Raven fangz 4 helpin agen.**I am seriously terrified for when Raven goes away.** im sory ah kudnt update but I wuz derperessd** I always saw you as a happy person, skipping through flowers.** n I had 2 go 2 da hospital kuz I slit muh rists.** Or I might be thinking of someone else…** PS im nut updating til u giv me 10 god revoiws!** Yeah, okay, um. *cough* moving on.**

WARNING: SUM OF DIS CHAPTA IS XTREMLY SCRAY. **It's as scary as this whole story! Be warned. ** VIOWER EXCRETION ADVISD.** I suggest you visit the bathroom now, you might crap your pants whilst reading this.**

We ran to where Volcemort** I seriously want to go to this Voldemort impersonator club. They sound like a cool bunch. ** was. It turned out that Voldemort wasn't there.** Duh, you just said that Volcemort was there, Voldemort's probably saying 'I have telekinesis' to score chicks at some bar. **Instead the fat guy who killed Cedric was.** Wormtail? Don't call him fat, he's highly self-conscious** **about his weight** Draco was there crying tears of blood.** But Draco died! I give up.** Snaketail **I was wrong about Wormtail, this must his son with Nagini. ** was torturing him. **I see everyone is into necrophilia in this story. Maybe if we all pool our money together, we afford to send Ebony into a psychiatric ward. **Vampire and I ran in front of Snaketail.

"Rid my sight you despicable preps!" **Where does Tara come up with all these wonderful insults, I usually just call my friends losers, but these are great!**

"**Emma! You're a despicable prep, and I hate you!" I called out to my bestfriend.**

"**My Immortal, again? Jeanette, when are you going to give up this ridiculous fantasy?"  
>*Gasp* "My Immortal is the best literature of our generation"<strong>

**I haven't heard from Emma since.**

he shouted as we started shooting him with the gun** Ebony should be shot, then we can all just get on with our lives.** he Then suddenly he looked at me and he fell down with a lovey-dovey look in his eyes. ** I really want to see that image! **"." ***Hits head repeatedly on desk until I die***he said. (in dis he is sixteen yrs old so hes not a pedofile ok)

"Huh?" I asked.** Denial, the first step in becoming a better person. **

"Enoby I love you will you have sex with me?"** Good God, why does no one have taste in this story, I'd rather date a piece of plastic than Ebony. Granted I'm a girl, let's just pretend this never happened.** asked Snaketail. I started laughing crudely. "What the fuck? You torture my bf and then you expect me to fuck you?** So if he didn't torture her boyfriend, he'd get lucky tonight. So, if you want to have a go at Ebony the Slut, don't torture her boyfriend. ** God, you are so fucked up you fucking bastard." ** Wow, my head hurts from that sentence.** I said angrily. Then I stabbed him in the heart. Blood pored out of it like a fountain. **Tara should also become a poet; she has such a lovely way with words.**

"Nooooooooooooo!" he screamed. He started screaming and running around. Then he fell down and died.**He. hehe. Heheheh. Sorry. Snaketail has just been murdered, we should give him a moment of silence. Hehehehe, I'm sorry, she just wrote it so funny. Anyway, moving on.** I brust into tears sadly.** But you killed him? Why would you cry? Ebony is not only a Mary sue, poser prep or a slut, she's a liar as well. She said she was a sadist many chapters ago. **

"Snaketail what art thou doing?" called Voldemort. ** He's dead, Voldy. Right there on the floor, Please kill Ebony for this. Please. **Then… he started coming! **Get mind out of gutter, Jeanette. Why does everything she says sound so dirty?** We could hear his high heels clacking to us. **Voldy wears high heels? What the fuck? **So we got on our broomsticks and we flew to Hogwarts. We went to my room. Vampire went away. There I started crying.

"What's wrong honey?" asked Draco taking off his clothes so we could screw. He had a sex-pack (geddit cuz hes so sexah) and a really huge you-know-what ** A what? A toothbrush? I saw a picture somewhere where Draco came in holding a huge toothbrush, but I don't think that's what she's talking about. **and everything.

"Its so unfair!" I yielded.** Heeya! ** "Why can't I just be ugly or plain like all da other girls and preps here except for B'loody Mary, because she's not ugly or anything." ***Starts screaming in room* I really hate this chick so much!**

"Why would you wanna be ugly? I don't like the preps anyway. They are such fucking sluts." ** There we have it, Ebony is not a slut at all, only the preps are. **answered Draco.

"Yeah but everyone is in love with me! Like Snape and Loopin took a video of me naked. Hargrid says he's in love with me. Vampire likes me and now even Snaketail is in love with me! I just wanna be with you ok Draco! Why couldn't Satan have made me less beautiful?" I shouted angrily. (an" don't wory enoby isn't a snob or anyfing but a lot of ppl hav told her shes pretty) "Im good at too many things! WHY CAN'T I JUST BE NORMAL? IT'S A FUCKING CURSE!" I shouted and then I ran away. ***Stares at screen until eyes bleed* I have no idea what to say right now.**

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><p><strong>Wasn't that great?<strong>

**So are you all going to review? No? Ah, you're all poser preps anyway.**

**This story has made me a different person.**

**It's not long until my parents disown me. **


	15. Chapter 15

**Wow this chapter was mind-blowingly pathetic! Worse chapter so far.**

**I got a review that asked if I could rewrite the Authors note. What did I ever do to you, for you to torture me like that? **

**I'm just being a tad dramatic. I shall do it!**

**I don't own My Immortal**

**Enjoy**

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><p>Chapter 15.<p>

AN: stup flaming ok! btw u suk frum no on evry tim sum1 flams me im gona slit muh ristsz! fangz 2 raven 4 hlpein!

**AN. Stop flaming okay! By the way, you suck. From now on, every time someone flames me, I'm going to slit my wrists! Thanks to Raven for helping!**

**:) Now we can all understand! Let's dance for freaking joy!**

"Ebony Ebony!" shouted Draco sadly. **I shout madly.** "No, please, come back!" **No please, go die in a hole. **

But I was too mad. ** Wow! There were no errors in that sentence! Raven I love you!**

"Whatever! Now u can go anh have sex with Vampire!" I shouted. **Where did that come from? **I stormed into my room and closed my black door with my blood-red key.** Okay, whatever floats your boat.** It had a picture of Marylin Manson on it.** Why?** He looked so sexy in a way that reminded me of Draco and Vampire. **Good God. **I started to cry and weep. **Cry and weep? I laugh and chuckle at the same time.** I took a razor and started to slit my wrists.** What does your mother think of this?** I drank the blood all depressed. **I'm always cheerful when I drink my blood! **Then I looked at my black GC watch and noticed it was time to go to Biology class.** Biology? At Hogwarts? I don't know what to say right now.**

I put on a short ripped black gothic dress that said Anarchy on the front in blood red letters and was all ripped and a spiky belt. **Would you please stop telling us what you're wearing? We don't care!** Under that I put on ripped black fishnets and boots that said Joel all over them with blood red letters. ***Sigh*** I put my ebony black hair out. **She was named after her hair, for those of you who didn't know. **Anyway I went downstairs feeling all sad and depressed as usual.** I slept over at my friend's house this weekend. I love her lots. (eeuw, not in that way.)** I did sum advanced Biology work.** Yes I did just quote that from chapter one.** I was turning a bloody pentagram into a black guitar. Suddenly the guitar turned to Draco!** I have been staring at the screen for about ten minutes, trying to make out this sentence and think of something to write. Let's just all agree on, what the fuck?**

"Enoby I love you!" he shouted sadly. **Draco, please just go back to being Voldy's bitch!**" I dnot care what those fucker preps and posers fink. ** Yet you care for Ebony. **Ur da most beautiful girl in the world.** That must be some tiny world.** Before I met you I used to want to commit suicide all the time.** Didn't you commit suicide whilst dating her?** Now I just wanna fucking be with you. **I bet he's drunk! **I fucking love you!."** Gonna get one hell of a hangover tomorrow.** Then…. ** Lots of dots! That rhymed! **he started to sing "Da Chronicles of Life and Death"** yep, definitely wasted.**(we considered it our song now cuz we fell in love when Joel was singing it) right in front of the entire class! **Why was I not invited to this! **His singing voice was so amazing and gothic and sexxy like a cross between Gerard, Joel, Chester, Pierre and Marilyn Manson (AN: don't u fink dos guyz r so hot. if u dnot no who dey r get da fuk out od hr!) . **I shall be leaving then**_**. I'm leaving on a jet plane, don't know when I'll be back again. **_**How the fuck did that get on my I-pod?**

"OMFG." **So lazy. **I said after he was finished. Some fucking preps stared at us but I just stuck up my middle fingers **The best solution to everything. If America just used it with the Germans, we would not have had so many problems! ** (that were covered in black nail polish and were entwined with Draco's now) at them. "I love you!" I said and then we started to kiss just like Hilary Duff (i fukin h8 dat bitch) and CMM in a Cinderella Story. **Then why watch a movie with her starring in the lead?** Then we went away holding hands. Loopin** Who was happily chewing some food, when Ebony accused him of rape. ** shouted at us but he stopped cuz everyone was clapping by how sexy we looked 2gether. **They were probably trying to attack you. **Then I saw a poster saying that MCR would have a concert in Hogsmede right then. **Correct me if I'm wrong, wasn't there a concert at Hogsmeade already? **We looked at each other all shocked and then we went 2gether.

* * *

><p><strong>I didn't like this chapter at all!<strong>

**Why am I writing so many exclamation points? I exclaimed.**

**Hehe, don't you all just love me?**

**Toodles.**


	16. Chapter 16

**Great, school started today. That was me being sarcastic**

**You know what I hate? Bullies, that's what I hate! Screw them, trying to make me feel bad about myself. Grrr, **

**Enough about my life, here's the story you really want.**

**I don't own My Immortal.**

**Enjoy.**

* * *

><p>Chapter 16.<p>

AN: u no wut! sut up ok! proov 2 me ur nut prepz! raven u suk u fuken bich gimme bak mah fukijn swteet ur supsd 2 rit dis! Raven wtf u bich ur suposd to dodis! BTW fangz 2 britney5655 4 techin muh japnese!

**AN. You what? Shut up okay! Prove to me you're not preps! Raven you suck! You're a fucking bitch, give me back my fucking sweeter. You're supposed to write this! Raven, what the fuck, you're supposed to do this. By the way thank to Britney5655 for teaching me Japanese.**

**What the? Huh? Raven's not here anymore! You're going to write this thing by yourself! RAVEN, PLEASE JUST GIVE HER GODDAMN SWEATER BACK AND GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE!**

We ran happily to Hogsmede. **But you're goffik. Why would you run happily? **There we saw the stage where GC had played. We ran in happly.**Is anyone imaging them all depressed, just walking slowly?** MCR were there playing 'Helena'. I was so fucking happy!** Fucking prep! ** Gerard looked even sexier than he did in da pictures. Even Draco thought so, I could totally see him getting an erection **WHAT! That is so disgusting, get a room! **but it didn't matter cuz I knew know that we were da only true ones for eachother. **Yet, you still had sex with Harry.** I was wearing **Please, someone let me shoot her.** a black leather minidress **Wow** and black leather platinum boots with red ripped fishnets. **Sigh, she's done now.** Draco was wearing **Agh!** a black baggy MCR t-shirt and black baggy pants. **I'll see you in Hell. ** Anyway, we stated moshing to Helena. **Please let her be murdered.** We frenched. **Are you still in the mosh pit? God, you're an idiot. ** We ran up 2 the front of the band to stage-dive. Suddenly, Gerard pulled off his mask. **Mask? Huh? What mask?** So did the others. **?**We gasped. It wasn't them at all. It was.,….. Volsemort** Voldemort's out having some coffee** and da Death Dealers! ***Stares at screen* Did she really confuse the death eaters with death dealers? What are the death dealers anyway? Drug dealers? **

"Wtf Draco im not going to a concert wid u!" **What? But you're at the concert now?** I shouted angrily. "Not after what happened to me last time?**What happened last time? Are you talking the thing that just happened, with Voldy being in a mask?** Even if its MCR n u no how much I lik them" **What the fuck is going on? Weren't you just at a concert? I'm so confused.**

"What cause we…you know…" **You know what? **he gadgetted uncomfortbli cause guys don't like to talk a bout you-know-what. **About sex? God, have you ever met a guy? Sex is all they talk about.**

"Yeah cause we you know!" **Will someone please just tell me what is going on?** I yielded in an angry voice.

"We won't do that again." **Do what!** Draco promised. "This time, we're going with an ESCORT." **Like a hooker. Then you're in luck. Ebony's already a hooker.**

"OMFG wtf/ Are you giving into the mainstream?" I asked. "So I guess ur a prep or a Christina or what now?"

"NO." he muttered loudly. **Muttered loudly? He muttered loudly? Sure, whatever.**

"R u becoming a prep or what?" I shootd angrily. **Will someone just kill her already?**

"Enoby! I'm not! Pls come with me!" He fell down to his knees and started singing 'Da world is black' by GC to me.** Why does everyone just randomly burst out in to song? O MY GOD! THIS IS HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL THE GOFFIK VERSION!**

I was flattened **By a truck? YES! ** cause that's not even a single, he had memorized da lyrks just 4 me!

"OK then I guess I will have to." I said and then we frenched 4 a while and I went up 2 my room. **To play some chess of course. **_**Dumbass, they're going to go have sex. **_***gasp* But I thought Ebony was a lady!**

B'loody Mary was standing there. "Hajimemashite gurl." **… I'm sorry, what did she just say?** she said happily (she spex Japanese so do i. dat menz 'how do u do' in Japanese **So she's delusional as well. **). "BTW Willow **That is Raven, whom I miss so much** that fucking poser got expuld. she failed al her klasses and she skepped math. " (an: RAVEN U FUKIN SUK! FUK U!) **Raven, please come back! The story was bad before, but now it's literally raping my brain. **

"It serves that fuking bich right." I laughed angrily. **Tara is still mad at Raven for taking her sweater.**

Well anyway we where felling all deprezzed. **Then it's nothing new.** We wutsched some goffic movies like Das niteMARE b4 xmas. **That's a freaking kids movie.** "Maybe Willow will die too."** Who died? ** I said.

"Kawai." **Why would you say that your (Ex) friend's dying is cute? Why? **B'loody Mair shook her head enrgtically lethrigcly.** I don't know what she's trying to say.** "Oh yeah o have a confession after she got expuld I murdered her **She's lying. I saw Raven at the anti-Tara party. We're BFF's now. ** and den loopin did it with her cause he's a necphilak." **…. That's creepy. And here I thought that all Lupin did was chew. He was probably chewing some other stuff.**

"Kawai." **How is that cute? WTF is wrong with these people!** I commnted happily . We talked to each other in silence **Talked in silence? Sure, so I walk and sit.** for da rest uv da movie.

"OH HEY BTw, im going to a concert with drako tonight in Hogsmeade with mcr." **There just was a concert. How many concerts are there?** I sed. " I need to wear like da hotset outfit EVA." **That was not a preppy sentence at all.**

B'Loody Mairy Nodded ENREGeticALLlY. "Omfg totally lets go shopping." **Nope, not preppy at all.**

"In Hot Topic, right?" I asked, already getting out my spshcial Hot Topic Loiyalty carde. **I miss Raven.**

"No." My head snaped up. **Is Snape back?**

'WHAT?" my head spuin. I could not believe it. **I know right, I can't believe we're all reading this story. **"B'Loody Mary are u a PREP?" **I think Ebony's jealous.**

"NOOOO!NOOOO!" She laughed. "I found some cool goffic stores near Hogwarts that's all."_**O my God, girlfriend, we should like totally go shopping together. **_**Mmm, still not preppy.**

"Hu told u abut them" I askd sure it would be Drako or Diabolo **Ron, what has she done to you?** or Vampire(don't even SAY that nam to me!). **Why, what did Harry do? **Or me. **But how could it be you? You didn't know it yourself.**

"Dumblydore." **Dumbledore's goffik now. I'm so happy I divorced him, even though I do miss his hardcore moments.** She sed. "Let me just call our broms." ***blink* Call her brooms? Yep, I'm going to go call my shoes.**

"**Come on shoes. We're going on a walk!"  
>"Pick me! Pick me!"<strong>

"OMFFG DUMBLYDORE?" I asked quietly. **Yet you shouted it? **

"Yah I saw the map for Hogsmeade on his desk." **You were sneaking around in Dumbledore's study? You perv! Leave him alone, we may not be married anymore but that gives you no reason to go snooping around. **She told me. "Come on let's go."

We were going in a few punkgoff stores SPECIALLY for the concerts in Hogsmeade. The salesperson was OMG HOTTER THAN GERARD EXCEPT NOT CAUSE THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE **Hey! Have you not seen Nevill Longbottom. That is one sexy ass. **and he gave me a few dresses. **Still not preppy **"We only have these for da real goffs." **Hehe, Ebony's not allowed to have them then.**

"Da real goffs?" Me and B'Loody Mary asked.

"Yah u wouldn't believe how many posers** Me and ma goffik friends are posers! Let's all have a poser party, I'll bring the head of Ebony and you all bring the snacks! ** ther are in this town man! **Adding the word 'man' just makes everything sound cool and goffik ** Yesterday loopin and snap **Finally **tried to buy a goffic camera pouch." **You get those? I have finally found a birthday gift for my friend. **He shook his head. "I dint even no they had a camera." **Took picture of Ebony in earlier chapter they did. Hell yeah! Freaking Yoda!**

"OMFG NO THEIR GONNA SPY ON ME AGAIN!" ** All they bought was a camera pouch. Maybe they bought it for their moms birthday. And to be fair, they never did anything wrong. Wait what. **_**Lupin had sex with a dead body. **_**Oh, well that is awkward.** I cried, running out of the changing room **When did you go in there? **wearing a long black dress with lots of red tulle coming out and very low-cut with a huge slit. **I don't care.**

"Oh my satan you have to buy that outfit" The salesperson said. **Duh, how else would he sell stuff?**

"Yeah it looks totlly hot." said B'Loody Mary. **It has just been confirmed that Hermione is blind.**

"You know what I am gona give it to you free cause u look really hot in that utfit.** What? He'd get fired. **_**I was just doing that to get her out of the shop. **_**A man close to my heart. **Hey are you gonna be at the concert tonight?"**Stalker.** he asked.

"Yeah I am actually." I looked back at him. "Hey BTW my name's ebondy dark'ness dementia TARA **Where the fuck did that come from? She missed out the Raven part. ** way what's yours?" **Oh, she and Raven had a fight, so she's taking away her name. That's not childish at all. **

"Tom Rid." ***Facepalm* No, she cannot be this idiotic** He said and ran a hand through his black-dyed hair. "maybe I'll see you there tonight."

"Yeah I don't think so cause I am going there with my bf drako you sick perv!" ** Why are you so rude? He just asked one question. **I yelled angrily, but before he could beg me to go with him, Hargrid flew in on his black broom looking worried. "OMFG EBONDY U NEED OT GET BACK INTO THE CASTLE NOW!"**LETS ALL JUST YELL IN CAPS! THIS IS SO MUCH FUN.**

* * *

><p><strong>In this chapter we are introduced to Tom Riddle, gasp, he shall play a role in this thing later on.<strong>

**I have now turned my friends to the darkness, they are all My Immortal fans.**

**Emma, Nadine, Simone and Isabelle, I dedicate this chapter to you, since you except all my weirdness and yet love me anyway.**

**Or I might be hallucinating.**

**Toodles. **


	17. Chapter 17

**I should be shot! How dare I to write that Neville was a Huffelpuff. I am so sorry, please forgive me, I have corrected it. But he's still a hot ass.**

**I don't own My Immortal.**

**Enjoy**

* * *

><p>Chapter 17.<p>

AN: I sed stup flming da stryo! if ur a prep den dnot red it! u kin tel weder ur a prep or not by ma quiz itz on ma hompage. if ur not den u rok. if u r den FOOOOOK UFFFFFFFFFF! pz willo isn't rely a prep. Raven plz do dis il promis 2 giv u bak ur postr!

**I said stop flaming da story! If you're a prep den don't read it! U can tell whether you're a prep or not by ma quiz it's on ma homepage. If you're not den u rock. if u r den FOOOOOK UFFFFFFFFFF! ps willow isn't rely a prep. Raven please do dis I'll promise 2 give u back your poster!**

**How dare all of you preps flame this masterpiece? **

Tom Riddle gave us some clothes n stuff 4 free.** He just wanted you out of the shop.** He said he wud help us wif makeup if he wunted koz he was relly in2 fashin n stuff. (hes bisezual). **Just like every other guy in this thing. **Hargird kept shooting **Please just kill her, please.** at us to cum **How hard is it to spell come? I mean really. Children read this story.** back 2 Hogwarts. "WTF Hargrid?" **Yeah, WTF is going on.** I shouted angrily. "Fuck off you fjucking **Fajucking. ** bastard." Well anyway Willow came. **Willow's back and coming? God, Raven please edit this more.** Hargird went away angrily.

"Hey bitch you look kawaii." she said. **I also call my friends bitches**

**Hey, Emma, you bitch. How are you?**

**Jeanette, you mediocre dunce, I am well. **

**Let's go and meet all our despicable preppy friends.**

**Don't forget the horny simpletons.**

**Emma and Jeanette then walked off in to the sunset, never hearing about My Immortal again.**

"Yah but not as kawaii as you." I answered sadly cause Willow's** Didn't Hermione kill Willow. Did Raven and Tara make up? YES!** really pretty and everything. She was wearing a short black corset-thingy with blood red lace on it and a blak blood-red miniskirt, leather fish-nets and black poiny boots that showed off how pale she wuz. **Geez, tell me where I can get an outfit like that, I'll look totally sexah. ** She had a really nice body wif big bobs and everything. She was thin enouff 2 be anorexic. **Anorexia is a serious problem, you idiotic prep.**

"So r u going 2 da concert wif Draco?" she asked. **Another concert? **

"Yah." I said happily.

"I'm gong with Diabolo." **At least she got their relationship kinda right. **she anserred happily. Well anyway Draco and Diabolo came. They were both loking extremely hot and sexy and u could tell they thoufht we were ot 2. Diabolo** Diabolo? The first thing that comes to my mind is labolo.** was wearing a black t-shirt that said '666' on it. He was wearing tons off makeup jus like Marylin Manson. **Where can I meet guys like these? **Draco was wearing black leather pants, a gothic black GC t-shirt and black Vans he got from da Warped tower. B'loody Mart** B'loody Mart, where I get all ma goffik clothing. ** was going 2 da concert wif Dracola. **Who? Or should I ask what? Sounds like some goffik drink you can buy from B'loody Mart.** Dracola used to be called Navel **No, no, no, no NO! Neville is the coolest guy ever! I hate you Ebony! ** but it tuned out dat he was kidnapped at birth and his real family were vampires. They dyed** Whoo, they made tie dye shirts? Can I join?** in a car crash. **While they were crashing. These people really do have the best lives. ** Navel converted to Satanism and he went goth. ***Sob* we've lost Neville now. I loved that kid. **He was in Slitherin now. **He's the coolest Gryffindor ever! Don't you dare take that away from him. **He was wearing a black Wurped t-shirt, black jeans and shoes and black hair wif red streekz in it. We kall him Dracula**. What happened to Dracolo?** now. Well anyway we al went 2 Draco's black Mercy-Bens (geddit cuz wer gpffik) **No, I don't get it. I never got it, I never cared.** that his dad Lucian **Who's Lucian? ** gave him. We did pot, coke and crak. **I want friends like these. ** Draco and I made out. We made fun of dose stupid fuking preps.** Don't make fun of me and ma preppy friends!** We soon got there….I gapsed. **All you do is gasp**

Gerard was da sexiest guy eva! **I think Neville is the sexiest guy ever.**He locked even sexier den he did in pix. He had long raven blak hair n piercing blue eyes. He wuz really skinny and he had n amazing ethnic voice. We moshed 2 Helena ** DudeEmma says she hates Tara for ruin a great song. **and sum odder songz. Sudenly Gerard polled of his mask. **Again.** So did the other membez. I gasped. It wasn't Gerard at all! It was an ugly preppy man wif no nose and red eyes **Hahahahha I love how she describes Voldy.**... Every1 ran away but me and Draco. Draco and I came. ***Groans* **It was….Vlodemort and da Death Deelers! **But this has happened before!**

"U moronic idiots! **Wow, we should all have great insults like these.**" he shooted angstily. "Enoby, I told u to kill Vampire. Thou have failed. And now….I shall kill thou and Draco!" **Yes, please, someone just rid us of this moronic idiot.**

"No no please!" We begged sadly but he took out his knife. **Voldy has a knife? What happened to his kickass wand?**

Sudenly a gothic old man flu in on his broomstick. **Who could this be?** He had lung black hair and a looong black bread. **This must be Blackbeard!** He wus werring a blak robe dat sed 'avril lavigne' **Aaaah, yeah, um okay.** on da back. He shotted a spel and Vlodemort ran away. **Voldy never runs away. ** It was…DUMBLYDORE! **All I could do with this sentence was to chant, what the hell, repeatedly in my head.**

* * *

><p><strong>This story just gets worse and worse.<strong>

**Does anyone know who B'loody Mart is? I don't think it's Hermione, cus she's with Diablo (Just writing that makes me want to cry.)**

**I'M SO HAPPY. **

**My friend, the famous Emma, now has fanfiction, go check her out, DudeEmma. I love you, you horny simpleton.**

**My other friend Isabelle, SallyOnTheSide, has also joined. Welcome.**

**Review all of you preps!**

**But being a prep is a cool.**

**I'm proud to be a prep.**

**Toodles.**


	18. Chapter 18

**I am amazed I have not yet burst into flames yet.**

**We all still have to have a poser party. **

**I don't own the masterpiece My Immortal.**

**Enjoy**

Chapter 18.

AN: I SED STUP FLAMMING! if u do den ur a fuken prep! fangz 2 raven 4 da help n stuf. u rok! n ur nut a prep. fangz for muh sewter! ps da oder eson dumbeldor swor is koz he trin 2 be gofik so der!

**AN: I SAID STOP FLAMING! If you do then you're a fucken prep! Thanks to raven for the help (What help!) and stuf. you rock! n ur nut a prep. Thanks for my sweater! PS da other reason Dumbledore swore is because he trying to be goffik so der!**

I woke up the next day in my coffin.** As opposed to next to some random guy you found on the street.** I walked out of it **How do you walk out of a bed?** and put on some black eyeliner, black eyesharrow, blood-bed **My favorite flavor** lipstick and a black really low-cut leather dress that was all ripped and in stripes so you could see my belly. **Wow, Tara, you have such great taste in clothes, we should really go shopping together.** I was wearing a skull belly ring with black and red diamonds inside it.

(Da night before Draco and I rent back to the skull (geddit skull koz im goffik n I like deth). **I might just kill someone, if she says geddit again. **Dumbeldore chased Vlodemort away. We flew there on our brooms. **I don't know what's going on. **Mine was black and the broom-stuff was blood-red. **The broom stuff? I think Tara has the writing ability of a four year old.**There was lace all over it. Draco had a black MCR boom. **How? **We went back to our rooms and we had you-know-what **I'm getting tired of this crap. Just say sex and get it over with. We're not ten. **to a Linkin Park song.)

Well anyway I went down to the Grate Hall.** But you were just having you know what. And grate? Really, Tara? ** There all da walls were painted black and da tables were black too.**She has now ruined Hogwarts. I say we all go to Pigfarts and leave Ebony to die.** But you fould see that there was pink pant underneath the black pant. **There were pink pants underneath the black pants? This chapter makes no sense. **And there were pastors of poser bands everywhere, like Ashlee Simpson **I never knew Ashlee Simpson was a band. I must have been living under my rock too long. **and the Backstreet Boys. **Hey! I loved the Backstreet Boys!**

"WTF!" **Yeah, WTF is going on?**I shouted going to sit next to B'loody Mary and Willow. B'loody Mary was wearing a black leather mini with a Good Chraloote** I find it amusing how she can spell the poser bands correctly but not her favorite bands. Something you'd like to tell us, Ebony?** t-shirt, black fishnets and black pointy boots. **I feel out of place in my jeans and shirt now.** Willow was wearing a long gothic blak dress with blood red writing that was all lacy and came up to your thighs **My thighs? What the hell are you doing with my thighs? ** and black boots and fishnets. Vampire, Dracula** Neville, she has ruined my favorite character.** and Draco came. **Tara has turned me into a sick minded person.** We started to talk about who was sexier, Mikey or Gerard Way or Billie Joe Armstrong. The boys joined in cause they were bi.

"Those guys are so fucking hot." Navel **I can't imagine him being a bellybutton. Can you?** was saying as suddenly a gothic old man with a black beard **I have just been notified that Blackbeard has been spotted eating tea and crumpets with Captain Jack Sparrow. So I have **_**no **_**idea who this is. **and everything came.** He. Hehehe. Hehehehehe.** He was the same one who had chassed away Vlodemort **I keep on imaging some old Russian dictator. Is it just me? ** yesterday. He had normal tan skin but he was wearing white foundation and he had died his hare **He killed his rabbit? My one teacher is obsessed with rabbits, has pictures of them everywhere. She even put some pictures of them on our exam.**

**That was random. But I'm trying to buy myself time from not having to write this.**

black.

"….DUMBLEDORE?** No! Did you not know it was him? I remember in the previous chapter you gasped his name as well. **1!" we all gasped.

"WTF?" I shouted angrily. "I thought he was just wearing that to scare Volsemort!" **Yeah, goffik Dumby scares me as well.**

"Hello everyone." he said happily. **I can just imagine him saying that all cheerful while still looking goffik. It's pretty funny. **"As u can see I gave the room a makeover. Whjat do u fink about it?"

Everyone from the poser table in Gryiffindoor started to cheer. __**Okay**_**. **_Well we goths just looked at each other all disfusted** Disfusted? Disfusted? They dusted at each other? ** and shook our heads. We couldn't believe what a poser he was!1.

"BTW you can call me Albert. **It's kind of surprising she hasn't called him** **Lucifer yet.**" HE CALLED AS WE LEFT **Random capital letters.** to our classes.

"What a fucking poser!" Draco shouted angrily as we we **Now they're French? What has Ebony not been? **to Transfomation. **The new Transformers movie is so cool. **We were holding hands. Vampire looked really jealous.**C'mon Harry, you could do so much better.** I could see him crying blood in a gothic way (geddit, way lik Gerard) **She said geddit! *Goes out for some coffee***but I didn't say anything. "I bet he's havin a mid-life crisis!" Willow shouted.**But he's 16? Isn't he?**

I was so fucking angry. **So am I, you're not dead yet!**

**This chapter wasn't that bad. **

**Still horrible, but not too bad.**

**My friends bet me I couldn't talk for one whole period. It was torture. Emma, Vicky and Rayne. I shall have my vengeance!**

**Toodles. **


	19. Chapter 19 im nut ok i promise

**Chapter 19 already? Aren't we all awesome? **

**Hehe, it is so much fun using these insults at people who don't know this story.**

**They thought I was weird before… Now they're avoiding me. **

**They're just jealous.**

**I don't own My Immortal.**

**Enjoy**

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><p>Chapter 19. im nut ok i promise <strong>Another great title? Tara, you are going places.<strong>

AN: plz stup flaming da story if u do ur a foken prep n ur jelous ok!11 frum noq un im gong 2 delt ur men reviowz!111 BTW evonyd a poorblod so der!1 fangz 2 raven 4m da help!11

**Pleasure shut up flaming the story. If you do do ur a broken prep and I love the letter N you're jelly. I'm eleven years old. . Frog nog I'm bonging number two. Leave your men. My boyfriend is a hundred and eleven years old. Everyones a poobear. My dog and bird eat your help. I'm still eleven.**

**Totally makes sense, right? **

All day we sat angerly finking about Dumbelldore.**Now I have this image of Dumbledore being weights. Oh, Dumbledore, what has she done to you?** We were so fucking pissed off. Well, I had one thing to look forward too- da MCR concert.** This will now be like the third concert.** It had been postphoned, **Post phoned? Wow, Raven, where are you? **so we could all go. **But, but, you were at the concert last chapter. Screw it, I'm not going to try and figure it out. **

Anyway, I went to the common room sadly to cut classes. **You cut classes sadly? When I cut classes I run to the bathroom and make voodoo dolls of my teacher. **

**Did I just write that down?**

***Looks nervously around***

**You didn't hear anything. *Does some things with fingers to make you forget,***

**Crap, I'm procrastinating again. But can you blame me? **

Draco was being all secretive.** I see that's why you're sad. You're still an idiotic moron. I totally love these insults, I use them all the time.**

I asked what it was and he got all mad me and started crying all hot **I'm wounded. No one did anything sexily today.** and angsty (rnt sensitve bi guyz so hot). **Not the way you describe them.**

"No one fucking understands me!1" he shouted angrily as his black hare went in his big blue eyes like Billie Joe in Boulevard of Borken Dreamz.** Borken? …Borken. Tara, I love you!** He was wearing black baggy paints, a black MCR t-shirt and a black die. (geddit insted of tie koz im goffik **grrrr. Just stop with these unfunny jokes.**) I was wearing a blak leather low cut top with chains all over it all over it a blak leather mini, black high held boots and a cross belly fing.** If only we all had Tara's amazing clothing style.** My hair was al up in a messy relly high bun like Amy Lee in Gong Under. (email me if u wana see da pik)

"Accuse me? What about me!" I growled.** Hehe, Rumbleroar. I've been watching AVPM. (If you don't know then get the hell out of here!) O my, I've gone insane. **

"Buy-but-but-" he grunted. **Ooh, Ebony chants now. Want to use my voodoo dolls?**

**I can just image Ebony and I chanting, buy butt buy butt while dancing. **

**I see if I can get you all an autograph.**

"You fucking bastard!" I moaned. **I rather like fajucking more.**

"No! Wait! It's not what it fucking looks like!" he shouted. **What looks like? **

But it was to late. I knew what I herd. I ran to the bathroom angrily **Not sexily?**, cring. Draco banged on the door. ***Starts laughing* That's not really that funny.**I whipped and whepped **Whipped and whepped. I see, Tara likes assimilation **as my blody eyeliner streammed down my cheeks and made cool tears down my feces like Benji in the video for Girls and Bois (raven that is soo our video!).**Not preppy at all. Not preppy at all.** I TOOOK OUT A CIGARETE END STARTED TO smoke pot. **I do that when my depressed wemo boyfriend tells me I don't understand.**

Suddenly Hargrid came. He had appearated.** I have given up on this story being spelt correctly.**

"You gave me a fucking shock!" I shouted angrily dropping my pot.** I can totally see Ebony being a housewife.** "Wtf do you fink you're doing in da gurl's room?" **Yeah, Hairygridd. Get out!**

Only it wasn't just Hargrid. Someone else was with him too! **Gasp, I exclaimed .** For a second I wanted it 2 b Tom Rid or maybe Draco** She'd rather the guy she doesn't know there than her own boyfriend.** but it was Dumblydore.

"Hey I need to ask you a question." he said, pulling out his black wanabe-goffik purse. **No, ways! Dumby has a purse? How had I never noticed that? I want a wannabee goffik purse.** "What are u wearing to the concert?" **O my gosh, now they're like teenage girls gossiping. I love this story!**

"U no who MCR r!" I gasped. **I wonder if you can talk like that. Let me see.**

**U momo whoo Mmm C rrr r. **

**I suck at life.**

"No I just saw there was a concert dat a lot of gothz and punx were going 2." He said. "Anyway Draco has a surprise for u." **Please let it be poison.**

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><p><strong>That chapter was too short so I felt the need to add to it.<strong>

**On another not, I spelt the word "will" wrong in an essay. What is wrong with me? **

**Read and review you fajucking horny simpletons.**

**Toodles.**


	20. Chapter 20

**Behold, my lovely goffik bitches, chapter 20. **

**Yes, I have gone insane, thanks to this thing I can no longer spell. My English teacher has given up hope.**

**I don't own my Immortal.**

**Enjoy.**

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><p>Chapter 20.<p>

AN: I sed I dnoty ker wut u fink! stof pflamin ok prepz!1 fangz 2 raven 4 da help!1 oh yah btw ill be un vacation in transilvania 4 da nex 3 dayz so dnot expect updatz.

**I sat on a donkey. You fish. Ploff pajaming ok preps. My dog and bird for nothing. I'm one years old. I am ill in the head. Going to Transylvania for sex with 3 guys so I don't expect me at your door.**

**That's totally what she was trying to say. No? O well. I like my version better.**

All day I wondered what the surprise was.** Poison! Don't you ever listen? ** Meanwhile, I pot on a blak ledder mini, a blak corset with urple lace stuff all over it, an black gothic compact boots. **Will someone kill me, please? **MCR were gong 2 do the concert again, **How many bloody concerts are there going to be? Let's all kidnap the MCR people and hide them from Ebony.** since Volxemort **We now welcome the newest member to the Voldy impersonator club.** had taken over the last one. I slit my wrists while I moshed 2 MCR in my bedroom all night, feeling excited. **Wait, you slit your wrists while dancing excitedly? Why can I not see that happening?** Suddenly someone knocked on the door while I was trying on sum black clothes **Again. **and moshing to Fang u 4 da Venom. I gut all mad and turned it of, but sacredly I hopped inside dat it was Draco so we could do it again. **O my.. What a sex freak! Get help!**

"Wut de fucking hell r u doing!" I shouted angrily. It was Loopin! "R u gonna cum rape me or what." **It's not rape if you encourage it, Ebony** I yelled. I was allowed to say dat because Dumblydore had told us all 2 be careful around hem and Snap since he was a pedo.**I rather like this Loopin and Snap, they seem like a fun bunch. I should invite them out to tea, to discuss the execution of Ebony. **

"No, actshelly (geddit, hell **Act shelly. I totally geddit. You're such a genius, Tara. I bow down to your wisdom**) kan I plz burrow sum condemns." he growld angrily. **That's pretty funny.**

"Yah, so u can fuk ur six-yr-old gurlfriend, huh?" I shouted sarkastikally. **Why are so rude to my BFF? **

"Fuker." He said, gong away. **Na, Ebony's a fajuker. *Giggles insanely* Fajuker, man I love that word.**

Well anyway, I put on some black eyesharow, black eyeliner, and some black lipstick and white foundation. Then I went. **Wow, if I wrote sentences like these in my essays, my teacher would laugh at me and then give me a zero.** Den I gasped….Snake and Loopin were in da middle of da empty hall, doin it, **eeew, I'm definitely not a Snoopin shipper. ** and Dobby was watching!1 **NO! poor Dobby. We must shield him the evil that is Ebony!**

"Oh my god you ludacris idiot!" **Meh, I like Ludacris fools and moronic idiot more. **they both shooted angrily when they saw me. Dobby ran away crying. **I want to give him a hug now.** Dey got up, though. Normally I wood have ben turned on (I luv cing guyz do it) ***Starts to vomit* Wow, this chick is messed up.** but both of them were fuking preps. (btw snake is movd 2 griffindoor now)**Thanks Hermione. I've been watching AVPM again.**

"WTF is that why u wanted condoms?" I asked sadistically. (c I speld dat) **No, he wanted condoms to make balloons, a duh. Geesh, Ebony's a fajucking horny simpleton.**

"Only you wouldn't give them to me!" Lumpkin shouted angrily. **Shame on you Ebony, now he can't make balloons. How do you live with the guilt?**

"Well you shoulda told me." I replayed. **Yeah, making condom balloons is against the law.**

"You dimwit!." **I love Snake.** Snake began 2 shoot **Shoot. EEW MENTAL IMAGES! ** angrily. And then…I took out my black camera and took a pic of them. U could see that they were naked and everything. **But didn't you freak out when you thought they were taking pics of you? You hypocritical bitch.**

"Well xcuse me!" they both shouted angrily. "What was dat al about?" **I'm lost again.**

"It wuz to blackmail u." I snarked. **Oh, the fajuking horny simpleton took pictures of them naked. Gasp, Ebony's a perv. **"So now next time you see me doing it with my boyfriend you cant fuking rat me out or I'll show dis to Dumbledork. **Best spelling of Dumbledore yet! I now have this image of Dumby being a nerd. It's so funny. ** So fuck off, u bastards!" I started to run. They chased me but I threw my wound at them and dey tripped over it. **…? You threw your wand at them? Why did you just not cast a spell you ridiculous moron? **Well anyway, **Yes, what just happened is now forgotten. **I went outside and there was Vampire, looking extremely fucking hot. **Please make sure that there are no poor innocent Hufflepuffs to torture.**

"WTF where'd Draco?" I asked him.** Hiding from you.**

"Oh he's bein a fucking bastard. He told me he wouldn't cum."** *Tries not to laugh* You should go see a doctor then. ** **Premature erections just will not do.**Vampire said shaking his hed. "U wanna cum with me? ***Dies of laughter!* ** 2 the concert?"

Then….. he showed me his flying car.**I want one.** I gasped. It was a black car. **Aww, I was hoping for it to be pink.** He said his dogfather Serious Blak **No ways, dogfather? Haha, Ebony sure has the best puns ever. **had given it 2 him. The license plate on the front sed MCR666 on it. The one on da back said 'ENOBY' on it.

….I gasped.** Well yeah, he spelt your name wrong.**

We flew to the concert hall. MCR were there, playing.** Damn, and here I thought you were going to see the Mamma Mia play.**

Vampire and I began 2 make out, **What about Draco? **_**I'm hiding in your closet. **_**I'll protect you Draco. ** moshing to the muzik. I gapsed, looking at da band.

I almost had an orgasim. ** Ugh, I seriously do hate this chick, great insults and puns put aside, I hate her. **Gerard was so fucking hot! **Go away.** He begin 2 sing 'Helena' **Hehe, Emma loves this song. It's too bad now, Ebony has ruined it.** and his sexah **Sexah! That's so my word!** beautiful voice began 2 fill the hall. ***Sniffles* Ebony's so poetic.** ….And den, I heard some crrying. I turned and saw Draco, cryin in a corner. **Just imagine that. It's pretty hilarious.**

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><p><strong>So are you all going to review? No? You're all fajucking horny simpletons anyway.<strong>

**Does anyone know where I can find my sanity, I seem to have lost it.**

**Toodles.**


	21. Chapter 21

**I was bored and decided to update again. Isabelle, you happy now?**

**This chapter is pretty stupid.**

**I don't own My Immortal.**

**Enjoy.**

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><p>Chapter 21.<p>

AN: fuk u ok! u fokng suk. itz nut ma fult if itz speld rong ok koz dat bich ravern cuz it fok u prepz!1 woopz soz raven fangz 4 da help. btw transilvana rox hrad!1 I even gut 2 go 2 da kasel wer drkola was flimed!

**Fuck you ok! you fajuking suck. It's not my fault if its spelt wrong (What? But it's your story, so it's not your fault?) ok because that bitch raven (What did Raven do now?) cus it fuck u prepz! (That made no sense? Then again, none of this story does.) 1 woops sorry raven thanks 4 da help. (Huh? She just called her a bitch and now she's nice? Geez, multiple personality much?) Btw Transylvania rocks hard!1 I even gut 2 go 2 da castle where Dracula was filmed! (But why couldn't you just stay there?) **

Later we all went in the skull.** Geddit, cus Im goffik? ** Draco was crying in da common room. **Wasn't he crying at the concert? **"Draco are u okay?" _**No, I'm just crying, I'm quite happy inside.**_ I asked in a gothic voice.

"No I'm not u fuking bitch!" he shouted angrily. He stated to run out of the place in a suicidal way. **He ran away in a suicidal way? Did he like run with razors or something? ** I stated to cry cuz I was afraid he would commit suicide. **He has already done that.**

"Its ok Enoby." said Vampire comfortly. "Ill make him feel better." **I'm sure you will. Eew, mental images! Bad sick minded me!**

"U mean you'll go fuck him wont you!" **Is it sad that Ebony and I are on the same page? **I shouted angrily. Then I ran 2 get Draco. Vampire came too. **No, how does she get it right to make me think sick things. **

"Draco please come!" ***Giggles*** he began to cry. **Stupid wemo. **Tears of blood came down his pail face. **Go see a doctor.** I wuz so turned on cuz I love sensitive bi guyz. **Shut up.** (if ur a homophone den fuk of!) **Fine, I'll leave, you're so mean to me anyway.**

And then….. we herd sum footsteps! ***Gasp* How shocking. Footsteps, I will now not be able to sleep tonight.** Vampire got out his blak invincibility coke. **How would he be able to smoke it if its invisible? **We both gut under it. **Gut? ** We saw the janitor Mr. Norris **He's a cat? ** there, shouting angrily with a flashlight in his hand. **I can just imagine a cat with a flashlight. It's funny.**

"WHOSE THERE!" he shouted angrily. We saw Filth come. He went unda da invisibility cloke and started to meow loudly. **Oh, she made Filth the cat and Mrs. Norris the janitor. Wow, she's a moronic idiot.**

"IS ANY1 THERE!" yelled Mr. Norris. **I can't take him seriously now.**

"No fuck u you preppy little poser sun of a fukcing bich!" Vampire said under his breast **Vampire has a breast? Why was this not in the book?** in a disgusted way.

"EXCUS ME! EXCUS ME WHO SED DAT!" yelled Mr. Norris. **The people under the cloak, **Den he heard Filch meow. "Filth is der any1 unda da cloak!" he asked. Filth nodded.** Imagine, a cat, nodding. ** And then….Vampir frenched me! **Yeah, because now's the perfect time for that.** He did it jus as ….. Mr. Norris was taking of da cloak!1 **This is so stupid.**

"WHAT DA-" I'm** eating creamed spinach now** he yelled but it was 2 late cuz now we were ruining away **its just spinach, it's not like its broccoli.** frum him. And den we saw Draco crying n bustin in2 tearz and slitting his rists outside of da school. **Can this get anymore stupid?**

"Draco!" I cried. "R u okay?"** Yes, yes it can.**

"I guess though." Draco weeped. We went back to our coffins frenching each other.**Just so we get this cleared up, frenching is not a word.** Draco and I decided to watch Lake Placid (c isnt da deprezzin **No, people just get eating by crocodiles. I find it rather funny.**) on the gothic red bed together. As I wuz about 2 put in the video, my eyes rolled up **…Okay? ** and suddenly I had a vision of something that was happening now. ** Ugh.**There was a knok on the door and Fug **Fug? As in Cornelius Fudge? Eeep, I love this story so much! **and da Mystery of Magic walked into the school!** Meh, I can't see that happening. **1

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><p><strong>So stupid. <strong>

**I still haven't found my sanity yet.**

**Read and review goffik preps.**

**Toodles.**


	22. Chapter 22 We're halfway!

**Is it true? Are we halfway in to the story now? **

**YES!**

**It's sad that I actually like doing this commentary. Makes me like myself more.**

**I don't own My Immortal, it belongs to my hero, Tara Gilesbie.**

**Enjoy.**

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><p>Chapter 22.<p>

AN: stfu! prepz stup flaming ok if u dnot lik it fuk of I no itz mr. noris itz raven's folt ok!11 u suk!1 no jus kidding raven u fokieng rok prepz suk!1

**Stuff the fridge until full. Prep are cool. Flaming if you like it. It's Mr. Norris. It's Raven's fault. (How? It's your story) I'm still eleven. (We all know that.) I'm just kidding Raven. You fajucking rock. (No comment.) I love preps. (Yes, we preps are highly cool.)**

All day everyone talked about the Misery of Magic.** Misery of Magic? Sounds like a bad porno. *Cough* What has this story done to me?** Well anyway, I woke up the next day. I was in my coffin so I opened the door. **Wait, you were in your coffin while opening the door? You're so special.** I was wearing blak lacey leather pajamas. **I prefer pink lacy leather, but that's just me.**Then I gasped.

Standing in front of me where…. B;loody Mary, Vampire, Diabolo, Draco, Dracula and Willow! **Why was I not there?**

I opened my crimson eyes. ** Wow, she saw them and then opened her eyes. Holy fajucking prep. How does she get that right?**Willow was wearing** Fajuck off.** a tight black leather top with pictures of bloody roses all over it. **Phew, she's done.** Under that **NO!** she wart **She had a wart?** a black poofy skirt wit lace on it and black gothic boots that was attached to the top.** The boots were attached to her top?** Vampire was wearing **I'm guessing this whole chapter is just what they're wearing.** a baggy Simple Plan t-shirt and baggy black pants and Vans. Draco was wearing **Please kill me now. ** a black MCR t-shirt and blak jeans and a leather jacket. He looked just likee Gerard Way, and almost as fucking sexy. Vampire looked like Joel Madden. B'loody Mary **I've died inside.** was wearing a tight black poofy gothic dress that she had ripped so it showed of all her clearage with a white apron that said 'bich' and other swear words and MCR lyrics on it kind of like one dress I had seen Amy Lee wear once. Darkness (who is Jenny **Ginny? **) was there too. She was **I have also lost the will to live.** weaving a ripped gothic black dress with ripped stuff all over it and a lace-up top thing and black pointy boots. So were Crab and Goyle. It turns out that Darkness, Diabolo, Crab and Goyle's dad was a vampire. **I am now chuckling, a lot.** He committed suicide by slitting his wrists with a razor.** I slit my wrists with pens. Is that not normal?** He had raped **…? What!** them and stuff before too. They all got so depressed that they became goffik and converted to Stanism. **Stan-ism. Are they worshipping Stan from South Park? Can I be into Cartmanism?**

"OMFG" **Get with it. No one talks like that. Well except DudeEmma, but I love her, so I forgive her.** I yielded **Whenever she says that I imagine her shouting yeeah!** as I jumped up. "Why the fuck are u all here?" **They're here to kill you Ebony.**

"Enoby something is really fucked up." Draco said. **Yes, someone agrees. Ebony is fajucked up.**

"OK but I need to put my fucking clothes on first." **She's naked!** I shouted angrily.

"It's all right. We have to go now and you look kawaii **No, I don't think she looks cute naked.** anyway. Your so fucking beautiful." **Fajuck, she's made Draco blind. ** Draco said in a sexy voice.

"Oh all right." I said smiling. **You're just a prep inside, aren't you?** "But you have to tell me why your being all erective." ***Giggles* I love her spelling errors.**

"I will I will." he said. **Let's just repeat everything we say. Let's just repeat everything we say.**

So I just put on some black eyeliner, black lipstick and red eyeshadow and white foundation. **Black, black, black and then white. **Then I came. **The sick minded side of me is giggling insanely **all went outside the Great Hal **How does she spell 'hall' wrong. Granted I spelt 'will' wrong. It's all Tara's fault! **and looked in from a widow. A fucking prep called Britney from Griffindoor was standing next to us. She was wearing a pink mini and a Hilary Duff t-shirt so we put up our middle fingers at her. **Yeah, I put my middle fingers to my friends as well, that's how we say hi.** Inside the Great Hall we could see Dumbledork. Cornelia Fudged **Why, Minister, I wasn't aware you had a sex change.** was there shouting at Dumbledore. Doris Rumbridge **Rum bridge. Do they drink rum on a bridge? May I join? It might be the only way I can escape this thing. **was there too.

"THIS CANNOT BE!" she shouted angrily. "THE SCHOOL MUST BE CLOSED!"

"THE BARK LORD **Bark Lord? BARK LORD! Ebony, I fajucking love you.** IS PLANNING TO KILL THE STUDENTS!" yelled Cornelia Fudge. **I couldn't help not laughing there.**

"YOU ARE NOT FIT TO BE THE PRINCIPAL ANY LONGER!" yelled Rumbridge. "YOU ARE TOO OLD AND YOUR ALZHEIMERS IS DANGEROUS! YOU MUST RETRY OR VOLDEMORT WILL KILL YOUR STUDENTS!" **Okay, who else found that sentence wonderful? *Everyone but one person sticks up hand* You! You horny simpleton! Rid my sight you despicable prep.**

"Very well." Dumbledore **She spelt his name right! ** said angrily. "Butt **Hehe, she said butt.** we cannot do this. We can't close the school. There is only one person who is capable of killing Voldemort and she is in the school. And her name is…..Enony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way." **Wow, the Mary sue is now the chosen one. I did not see that coming.**

Draco, Crab, Goyle, Darkness, Willow, Vampire and B'loody Mary looked at each other…I gasped. **Shut up.**

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><p><strong>Phew, that was stupid. <strong>

**So many fajucking (I love that word.) clothes.**

**But I loved Umbridge's speech.**

**And the Bark Lord. Classic.**

**Read and review, all of you horny simpletons.**


	23. Chapter 23

**You preps ready for the next half?**

**It's Sunday Sunday, gotta down on Sunday, looking not forward to week ahead.**

**Damn you Tara.**

**I don't own My Immortal.**

**Enjoy.**

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><p>Chapter 23.<p>

AN: dhut da fok up biches!1 ur jus jelos koz I gut 10000 reviowz!1 fangz 2 raven 4 da help n telin me bout da boox gurlu rok letz go shopin 2getha! **Nope, still not preppy at all.**

**Please don't make me rewrite it. But I am quite jealous of her getting 10 000 reviews, granted they were all flames but still.**

The door opened and Proffesor Rumbridge **My drinking budding. **and Cornelia Fudge **mmm fudge. **stomped out angrily. Then Dumbledum **Was he in Alice in Wonderland? **and Rumbridge sawed us. **Finally, the deed has been done.**

"MR. WAY WHAT THE BEEP ARE YOU DOING!"** Do people even do that?**

**Hey Emma, you bleeping whore.**

**Jeanette you bleeping prep.**

**Ignore us.**

Rumbridge shouted angrily. Dumbledore blared **I now have an image of a sheep.** at her.

"Oops she made a mistake!"** What?** he corrupted her. "She means hi everybody cum in!" **I'm so confused.**

Well we all came in angrily. **Not sexily? **So did all the other students. I sat between Darkness** Ginny, for those of you who are smart and don't let this story take over your life, me on the other hand, I'm never going back.** and Draco and opposite B'loody Mary. Crab and Goyle started 2 make some morbid jokes. They both looked exactly like Ville Vollo. **Who's Ville Vollo?** I eight some Count Chocula **They don't have them at my supermarket, I'm quite bleeped off.** and drank som blood from a cup.**I prefer mine from a can.** Then I herd someone shooting angrily. I looked behind me it was…Vampire! **What a twist. **He and Draco were shooting at eachother. **No don't do that, shoot Ebony and then you two can live happily ever after.**

"Vampire, Draco WTF?" I asked.

"You fucking bustard!" yelled Draco at Vampire. "I want to shit next to her!1"** Hey no need to shoot each other, you can both shit on her, I'd actually pay you to.**

"No I do!" shouted. **Emma lost her necklace yesterday. If we could all just have a moment of silence before we lose all of our remaining sanity.**

**Sigh I'm so insane.**

"No she doesn't fucking like u, you son of a bitch!" yelled Draco.

"No fuck you motherfucker she laves me not you!" shouted Vampire. And then… he jumped on Draco! (no not in dat way u perv) **Thanks to Tara, I've turned sick minded.** They started to fight and beat up each other.

Dumbldore yelled at them but they didn't stop. All of a sudden… a terrible man with red eyes and no nose flew in on his broomstick. He had no nose **So a man with no nose has no nose. Who knew?** and was wearing a gray robe. All the glass in the window he flew thru fell apart. Britney that fucking prep started to cry.** She has some common sense** Vampire and Draco stopped fighting….I shopped eating….Everyone gasped. Da room fell silent….Volzemort! **Mozart's long last no nose brother. **

"Eboby…..Ebony…." Darth Valer **Voldemort is dressing up as Darth Vader? He's a Star wars fan? Back of bitches, he's mine. ** sed evilly in his raspy voice. ** His sexily raspy voice.**"Thou havfe failed ur mission. Now I shall kill thou and I shall kill Vampire as well. If thou does not kill him before then I shall kill Draco too!" **That was so stupid.**

"Plz don't make me kill him plz!" I begged. **Sexily.**

"No!" he laughed crudely. "Kill him, or I shall kill him anyway!" Then he flew away cackling. **Cackling, he's a star wars loving chicken.**

I bust into tears. **I give up.** Draco and Vampire came to contort me. Suddenly my eyes rolled up so they looked all cool and gothic. ***Nose scrunches up in disgust***I had a vision were I saw some lighting flash and then Voldremot coming to kill Draco while Draco slit his wrists in a depressed way. **Well why would he have to kill him if he's committing suicide. That's really kicking someone when they're down.**

"No!" I screamed sexily. ** Hehehehe **Suddenly I locked up and stopped having the vision. **Okay**

"Ebony Ebony aure you alright?" asked Draco in a worried voice.

"Yeah yeah." I said sadly **and sexily** as I got up.

"Everyfing's all right Enoby." said Vampire all sensetive. **Draco's not going to like that.**

"No its not!" I shouted angrily. Tearz of blood went down my face. "OMFG what if I'm getting possessed like in Da Ring 2!" **Attention whore.**

"Its ok gurl." said B'loody Mary. "Maybe u should ask Proffesor Sinister **Is she evil? Does she stroke her mustache while saying evil things? OMG that would be so funny. **about what the visions mean though."

"Ok bich." **Yeah I call my best friends bitches all the time. **I said sadly **and sexily** den we went.

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><p><strong>I quite liked this chapter, especially Draco and Harry wanting to shit next to her.<strong>

**Read and review you horny simpletons.**

**Toodles.**


	24. Chapter 24

**This chapter is really stupid, so I'm sorry if it's not that great.**

**But it's Tara faults.**

**From now if I do something wrong, Imma blame Tara.**

**Jeanette, you didn't do your homework!**

**It's Tara's fault!**

**Enjoy**

* * *

><p>Chapter 24.<p>

AN: prepz stup flaming da story ur jus jelous so fuk u ok go 2 hel!11 raven fagz 4 di help!

Well we had Deviation **I highly doubt that you guys would go to math's class. ** next so I got to ask Proffessor Trevolry **What happened to Professor Sinister? ** **I quite liked her **about the visions.

"Konnichiwa everybody come in." said Proffesor Sinister **Oh, she gave her two names.** in Japanese. She smelled at me **That's creepy.** with her gothic black lipstick. **Black lipstick is goffik? Who woulda thunk?** She's da coolest fucking teacher ever. **No, hardcore Dumblydore is!** She had long dead black hair **Her hair is dead? **with blood red tips and red eyes. (hr mom woz a vampire. **Fajuck! Who's parent wasn't a vampire? **She's also haf Japanese **I think there are some Japanese people who want Ebony dead.** so she speaks it and everyfing. she n b'loody mry get along grate **Cheese**) She's really young for a teacher. 2day she was wearing **Fajuck off** a black leather top with red lace and a long goffik black ripped dress. We went inside the black classroom with pastors of Emily the Strong. ***Hits head repeatedly on desk.*** I raced my hand. **I do that a lot too. Though I always root for my right hand.** I was wearing some black naie Polish with red pentagrams on it.

"What is it Ebony?" she asked. "Hey I love ur nail polish where'd u get it, Hot Topik?" **I want to burn Hot Topic, just to see Tara's reaction.**

"Yeah." I answered. All the preps who didn't know what HT was gave me weird looks. **Yes, because only preps don't know what it is. **I gave them the middle finger. **That's really sweet of you.**"Well I have to talk to you about some fings. When do you want to due it?"

"Ho **Yes! Ebony is a ho! **about now?" she asked.

"OK." I said. **Such and interesting conversation.**

"OK class fucking dismissed every1. **Why aren't my teachers like this?**" Proffesor Trevolry said and she let every1 go. "Except for you Britney." **What! She can't do that.** she pointed at Britney and sum other preps. "Please do exorcize (geddit) **Go to hell** 1 on page 3."

"OK I'm having lotz of visions." **Oh my, I'm feeling very hungry.**I said in a worried **and sexy** voice. I'm so worried is Draco gong 2 die. **He's already died like twice.**

Well she gave me a black cryptal ball to lock in. I looked at it. **Fantastic sentences **

"What do you c?" she asked.

"I said I see a black gothic skull and a pentagram." **Why?**

Suddenly there was a knock at the door. I looked at it. It was Draco. **Gasp! Suspense. Not really, she's probably just going to fajuck him and have another vision. **He was looking really sexy wearing a black leather facet, a black gothic Linkin Park t-shirt and blak Congress shoes.

"Okay you can go now, see ya cunt." **Blinks. What type of teachers are these! **said Proffesor Sinister.

"Bye bitch." I said waving. **I've always wanted to say that to a teacher,**

I went to Draco and Vampire was sitting next to him. We both followed Draco together and I was so exhibited. **Would any of you go and look at them in a museum? I'd point and laugh at them and throw them with peanuts.**


	25. Chapter 25

**Chapter 25 is 300 words! I'm starting to think Tara is beginning to care about us.**

**Nothing interesting in my life today so read on.**

**I don't own My Immortal**

**Enjoy.**

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><p>AN: stop flaming ok if u dnot den il tel Justin 2 bet u up!1111 n il tel al da nredz 2 put vrtuz in ur computer!11111111111 FUK UU!1 raven fangz for de help!1<p>

**Please don't say mean things. If you don't like it then I'll tell Justin Bieber to sing you a nice song. And tell all the smart people to put software on your computer. Go away please. Raven thank you so much for all your lovely help.**

**I decided to make Tara sound like a nice person.**

I was so excited. **I've forgotten what happened last chapter.** I fellowed Draco wandering if we where going 2 do it again** Sex obsessed much?**. We went outside and then we went into Draco's black car.

"Ebony what the fuck did Profesor Trevolry say." whispered Draco potting his gothic whit hand with bvlak nail polish on mine.** No. just. no**

"She said she would tell me what the visions meant torromow." **What a lazy bitch.** I grumbled in a sexy voice. **How does one grumble in a sexy voice? But Tara does everything sexily. She even goes sexily to the bathroom.** He took out a heroin cabaret **A drug instrument? Cool! **and spiked it, and gave it to me to spork. **Hehe, drugging leads to sporkking. **He started to fly the car into a tree.** *Dances in happiness!*** We went to the top of it. **They're not dead? What!** Draco put on some MCR. **He put on some microwavable cheese rolls? Now why would he do that?**

"And all the things that you never ever told me

And all the smiles that are ever gonna haunt me." sang Gerard's sexy voice. We started tiling of each other's cloves fevently. He took of my blak thong and my black leather bar. I took of his black boxers. **Why do I imagine Draco in girly pink? **Then… he put his trobbing you-know-what in my tool sexily. **Hands off the best sex scene ever! I am laughing so much right now.**

"OMFG Draco Draco!" I screamed having an orgism. **Ugh. Mind images! **We stated frenching passively. Suddenly… I fell asleep. **She. Fell. Asleep. During. Sex. HAHAHAHA **I started having a dream. In it a black guy was shooting two goffik men with long black hair.

"No! Please don't fucking kill us!1" they pleaded but he just kept shooting them. **What a nice guy. I'd like to meet him. **He ran away in a red car.

"No! Oh my fucking god!11" I shouted in a scared **and sexy** voice.

"Ebony what's wrong?" Draco asked me as I woke up opening my icy blue eyes.

I started to cry and tears of blood went down my face. **Wow, so sexy. **I told Draco to call Vampire. He did it with his blak Likin Park mobile. Butt **She said butt again! ** the worst thing was who the ppl who were shot in the dream where… Lucian and Serious! **Gasp! ZOMG! The suspense, how will I be able to sleep tonight? Na, I'm just kidding. This is really stupid.**111

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><p><strong>Nothing happened is this chapter. I'm starting to miss Voldy and Dumby.<strong>

**They're the only reason I love this story.**

**Read and review.**


	26. Chapter 26

**The story is almost over, I don't know if I should be sad or happy, I'll just go with emotional slut.**

**I don't own My Immortal.**

**Enjoy**

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><p>Chapter 26.<p>

AN: PREPZ STUP FLAMING SDA STRY OK!1 if u dnot lik da story den go fok urself u fokeng prep! U SUK!111 oh y and I wuznt beng rasist ok! **I don't remember that. When was she racist? **11

**You preps aren't being very nice, mean comments are mean. If you don't like it then go and eat some chocolate you rather mean person. I was never against black people. **

A few mutates later Vampire came 2 da tree. **Eew, mental images. **He was wearing a blak leather jackson,**He was wearing one of the Jackson 5? Where can I get one?** black leather pants and a Good Chralotte t-shirt.

"Hi Vampire." I said flirtily as I started to sob. **What, she was flirting and then crying. Fajuks sake, if you sob every time you flirt then just don't flirt. **Draco hugged me sexily tryont to comfrot me. **I can imagine him doing other stuff as well.** I started to cry tears of blood and **in a totally sexy way.** then told them what happened. **What happened? All I can remember from the previous chapter was that sexy tool sex scene.**

"Oh fuck it!" **Yeah! What the hell happened? I'm not going to read it again.** Vampire shouted angrily. He4 started to cry sadly **and sexily**. "What fucking dick did that!" **Draco's… Oh wait, I don't think that's what he's talking about.**

"I don't know." I said. "Now come on we have 2 tell Dumbledor." **Yes, he's finally in this fajucking story.**

We ran out of the tree **Ran out of the tree. Hehe I just remembered that Ebony fell asleep during sex last chapter.** and in2 da castle. Dumblydor was sitting in his office. **How dare he?**

"Sire **Sire? I now have an urge to call everyone sire.** are dads have been shot!" ***Memory starts clicking in* Oh yeah, Lucian and Serious were shot. I still don't know who these people are. ** Draco said while we wipped **Like with whips?** sum tears from his white face. **Sexy** "Enoby had a vision in a dreem." **Because Ebony is so special.**

Dubleodre started to cockle. **Cockle? That's pretty funny.** "Hahahaha! And How due u aspect me to know Ebony's not divisional?" **Ebony's delusional.**

I glared at Dumbledore. **That bitch.**

"Look motherfucker." **No! No one may talk like that to hardcore Dumbledore. He'll kick your preppik ass. **he said angrily as Dumbeldore gasped (c is da toot of crakter). **Yes, very. **"U know very well that I'm not decisional. Now get some fucking ppl out there to look for Series and Lucian- pornto!" **Eew, who would watch that? *Some guy sticks up hand* You motherfajuker. GET OUT!**

"Okay." he said in a intimated **Dumbledore never gets intimidated! **voice. "Were are they?" **The voices in my head tell me to stop reading this, it's giving them a headache.**

I fought about it. **Violence is never the answer.** Then all of a sudden….. "Longdon." I said. I told him which street. He went and called some people and did some stuff. **Yes, I know exactly what he did now, it's so fascinating. **After a few mistunes he came back and said people were going out looking for them. After a while someone called him again. He said that they had been found. Draco, Vampire and I all left to our rooms together. I went with Draco to wait in the nurses office while Vampire went to slit his wrists in his room. **Just like that.. They're so casual about a SERIOUS thing.**We looked at each other's gothic, derperessed eyes. ***Sniff* That is just so romantic. **Then, we kissed. Suddenly Serious and Lucian came in on stretchers….and Proffesor Sinister was behind them!1 **Fajuking cliffhangers!**

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><p><strong>I'm not in a very witty bitch mood right now. So none of my witty AU now, so sorry.<strong>

**I doubt people even read theses though.**

**Anyway. Read and review.**


	27. Chapter 27 vampirz wil never hurt u

**These chapters just get shorter and shorter. O well. **

**Things are finally going to happen after chapters of nothing.**

**Read and review.**

**Enjoy.**

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><p>Chapter 27. vampirz wil never hurt u <strong>No, but your vampires hurt me emotionally <strong>

AN: u no wut!111 I dnot giv a fok wut u prepz fink abot me! **We all worship you, Tara. **1111 so stup flaming da foking story bichez! **Hey, I love dogs. **1111 fangz 2 raven 4 ur luv n sport n help i luv u gurl **Eew not in that way. Lol sorry, I just had to. **soz i kodnt update lol I wuz rly deprezzd n I silt muh rists I had 2 go 2 da hospital **Still so casual. Yeah, I felt depressed and slit my wrists, totally normal.** rraven u rok gurl!11111111111111111111

Every1 in the room stated to cry happly **Cry happily? Can someone please explain that one?** - I had saved them. **You did fajucking nothing, you horny simpleton. **Drako, **Don't know him. **Lucian, Serious bond **Bond, Serious Bond. Totally works.** Vampire all came to hug me. The nurse started to give them medicine. **See! You have to be sick to hug Ebony!**

"Cum **This is just getting boring,** on Enoby. **Wait? On her? That's not right.**" said Proffesor Sinatra. **Frank? **She was wearing **Go away.** a gothic blak leader dress with a corset top and real vampir blood on it **Cool. No not really.** and fuking **Wow, she wore fucking boots. Where can I get those?**black platinum boots. "I have to tell you the fucking perdition." **So many cuss words. Head hurts.**

I locked at Lucian, Serifs, Drake and Vampire. They nodded. **They're busy dying. **

I smelled happily **Um, just, no.** and went into a dark room. I had changed **I'm wounded, she didn't say what she changed in to. **Profesor Sinister took out some black cards. **Oooh, black cards. **She started to look into a black crucible ball. She said… **So many dots.** "Tara, I see drak times are near." **Well yeah, you're in a dark room.** She said badly. **Bad girl.** She peered into da balls. ***Snorts* **"You see, you must go back in time." **Yeay! Something's going to finally happen!**She took out a Time-Toner like B'loody Mary had. "When Voldemint **Voldemort, now in mint flavor. **was in Hogwarts before he became powerful he gut his hearth borken. **Someone gutted his heart? Everything makes sense now. **Now do you fink he would still become Volxemort if he was in love?" I shook my head. **This is so stupid.**"U must go back in time and sedouce him. It is the only way. If he is still evil then you must kill him.**So nice. Can I go eat now?** You can come to my room tomorrow and you can do it."

"Okay." I said sadly. We did dethz tuch sin.**I have no idea what she just said.** I went outside again sadly.** And sexily.**

"What fucking happened?" asked Draco and Vampire.

"Yeah what happened?" asked Darkness,** Ginny** Willow **Raven **and Boldy Mary? **Hermione, who is now bold. *Snickers***

I was about to tell them butt** *Yawn*** every1 was there. They were celebrating Lucian and Sirius being fond. Everyone was proud of me butt I jut wonted 2 talk 2 Draco. **Translation, I want to put my boy thingy in his. ** They were cheesing my name **On crackers, I'm so jealous. I'm hungry now. ** and some reporters were there, trying to interview Dumblydore. **Sexiest man alive. **A banner was put up. Lotz of fucking prepz were there oviously tring 2 be b goffik wering the HIM sign on their handz- depite them not having akshelly heard of him. **I am laughing now. **Even Mr. Noris looked happy. **I still can't get over the fact that Mrs Norris is now human.** A blak and red cake had been brought out. Crabbe and Goyke set up some fireworx **Why not the Weasly twins? Tara, what doth thy have against twins? **in the shape of skulls from Wesley's Whizard Wises.

I put on my Invisibility coke **To drink, they are at a party of course.**with Vampire and Draco and we sneaked outside 2gether.** To have a threesome? Eew. **


	28. Chapter 28

**In this chapter I shall be commenting with ma goffik friend Emma, you know, the one I've been making fun of. *Cowers from Emma***

_**This is not cool. Jeanette is driving all my friends away with this goffik business… **_

_**Hi, everyone! I rock. **_

**Please, their all here for me. You suck, Emma. **

_**Just watch the reviews pile once I've… Sorry, I'm watching someone pee… **_

**Get out of the bathroom!**

_**It's your weird taste in movies. Anywhoo, just watch the reviews pile once I've made this chapter awesome.**_

**They all love me.**

**Anywhoo. Read and review.**

***Hits Emma on head with pillow.***

* * *

><p>Chapter 28.<p>

AN: I sed stop gflmaing **Say that out loud, it's fun.**da story it wuz a miskat wen profsor relory sed dat ok!11111111 GO 2 FOKENG HELL!1111 U SUK! fangz 2 fily 4 da help!1! raven hav fun wif kiwi! **I feel so bad for that Kiwi. **_**What is she going to dooooooo! **_

**I'd rather not think about it. I still have nightmares about that steak. **1111111

We went in2 a blak room. The wallz were blak** Are you sure they weren't pink?** with portraits of gothic bands lik MCR, GC and Marlin Mason _**She turned him into a fish. **_**Meh, I'm fine with that. **all over them. A big black coffin was in the middle. Red vevlet lined da blak box. There were three chairs made of bones with real skullz in dem. I wuz wearing a blak corset bar wif purple stuff on it, fishnet suckings _**suckings. **_**Get me one for my birthday, will you. **_**Just get your boyfriend to do it. **_**Gasp! This story has changed you! ** and a blak leather thong underneath. _**Why, Ebony? Why?**_

I sat down one of da chairs dispersedly. **Sexily **So did Drako and Vampire.

"Are you okay?" Vampir asked potting his albastard _**he's got one bastard of a hand! **_**I know, it's wonderful.**hand on mine. He was wearing black nail polish. I was wearing blak nail polish with red crosses on it. _**Sex-ah.**_

"Yah I guess." I said sadly. Drako also pot his hand on mine sexily. _**Oooh, even more sex-ah. **_**You slut, and with Draco right next to you.** I smiled sadly **I still don't get that one. **_**She's an oxyMORON! **_with my blak lipstick.** Geddit, cus I'm goffik. ** "The problem is….**Look at all that suspense. **I have to seduce Volxemort. Ill have 2 go bak in time"

Draco started to cry sadly. Vampire hugged him. _**Dude! Voldemort is going to steal your girlfriend! **_** I'll comfort him, Draco's a sexah beast.**

"Itz okay Eboby." _**Another one of Ebony's split personalities .**_ he said finally. "But what about me? Ur not gonna brake up or anyfing, are you?" **It's for the best, Draco .**

"Of coarse not!" I gasped. _**No, not coarse. Smooooth. **_**Shut up, you annoy me. **_**Make me, prep. **_**I'll use my goffik ninja skill on you, you horny simpleton. **_**I'll scratch you with ma goffik blak nailz. **_

**Emma has now been attacked and is currently wiping the blood of her face. I love my life.**

"Really?" he asked.

"Sure." I said.

We frenched sexily. Vampire looked at us longingly. _**You perv! **_

_**You're paying for my hospital bills, Jeanette. **_

**Fajuck you!**

Then… I took off Draco's MCR shrift **but, BUT. **_**Hehe. You said "butt"**_ **Shut your preppik mouth you loodacris fool. And Harry stills there! **and seductvely took of his pants. _**This is where Harry covers his eyes and runs away, screaming "IT BURNSSSS USSS!" **_He was hung lik a stallone. _**What does that mean? **_**BAHAHAHAHAHA THAT IS HILARIOUS! **He had replaced the Vampire tattoo that said Enoby on it. Black roses were around it. I gasped. He lookd exactly lik Gerard Way. _** Hasn't she said something like this before? **_**I try to not think about previous chapters. **_***shudder* **_Vampire took a vido camera. (I had sed it wuz ok b4). _**Omg. He's in league with Snape and Lupin. **_**No, this story has changed everything. **_**I know. **_

I took of my clothes den we were in 4 da rid of r lif.** You were at an amusement park? **_**They're just driving, right? Please tell me they're just driving. **__*_**Some random guy walks up***

**They're having sex! You mediocre dunces!**

_**Screw this, I'm out! **_

**No, don't leave me alone with this, this, this thing.**

_**Only if you pay for my therapy. **_

We started freching as we climbed into the cofin. He put his spock in my you-know-what and passively we did it.** Spock? Did she just say spock? Please tell me I'm going deaf. **_**What, like in Star Trek? What a nerdgasm. **_

**I'm still getting over the fact that Mrs. Norris is a janitor.**

"I love you Eboby. Oh let me feel u I need 2 feel u." he screamed as we got an orgasm _**correction: nerdgasm **_**That is just gross. I don't want to hear that.**. We watched Vampire filmed everything perfectly. ** Sexah!. No wait, that is sick and wrong. !**Suddenly…. _**I bought my bf a Star Wars poster book. **_**Get out of my house. I wanted that book! **_**Too bad, you're not dating me. **_

**That's what you think.**

_**O_o …What is this…? **_

**;) Chemistry. **

_**Don't pull a Lupin on me! **_

**Then don't pull a Evony on me.**

**I think we should shut up now.**

_**It's "an", not "a". **_

**Fajuck off**

"WHAT THE FUCK R U DOING!" **Emma! Leave my shoes alone! **

_**It wasn't me! **_**So it wasn't you groping my high heels? **_**I can't help it, they're so sex-ah and goffik.**_

It was….Snope and Profesor McGoggle!111 _**Oh, wow. Perversion is contagious. SNOPE has got McGoggle in on the whole home porn-movie thing now, too.**_

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><p><em><strong>Jeanette and I have both lost our abilities to spell. You would laugh if you saw all the mistakes we made before spellchecker saved us from terrible humiliation. <strong>_

**I love spellcheck.**

_**I bet Tara has never heard of it. **_

**I'mma singing and dancing. **

_**What? I think it's time we stopped. **_

**I think we've driven all of my readers away now. How dare you, Emma!**

_**Just… Just stop. Please. Just. Stop. **_

**Shut up or I'll throw you with my dog.**

_***Cries* **_

_*****_**Smiles in victory***

**We shall depart now, read and review and I won't kill Emma, or at least throw her with a cup.**

_**Don't believe a word of it! I'm being held against my will*Muffles***_

**Don't listen to her *Looks around nervously***


	29. Chapter 29

**This chapter is stupid, don't expect it to make any sense. **

**Read and review.**

**Only one person reviewed last chapter, I feel so special. Yep that was me using sarcasm, best language in the world.**

**Enjoy**

* * *

><p>Chapter 29.<p>

AN: sot das fok up!**Yeah guys, Tara's having a hard day. **11 ur jus jelouz koz ur prepz so fok u **Preps are jealous? I didn't know that. **!1111 raven u rok gurl fangz 4 da help MCR ROX 666!111111111111

"Oh my satan!1" we screamed as we jamped out of da coffin** No, just no**. Snap and Professor McGoonagle **Mc google, hey did McDonalds and Google have a love child?** started to shoot at us angrily. **Good for them.**

"CUM NOW **I grow tired of this. **!1!" Preacher McGongel **She's a preacher? Who here knew that? **yielded. We did guiltily.** And sexily.** We left the room putting on our clothes. ** So you were naked, while the teachers were there? **Snoop garbed the caramel **Caramel, now I'm hungry.**and put it in his pocket.

"Hey what the fuck!111" Vampire shooted angrily** Please just someone kill me now**.

"Yeah buster **lol. Buster.** what the fuck are u going to do with the fucking camera?" **I don't know, probably taking videos, is that not what you do with video camera's** Draco demonded all protective, looking at me Longley with his gothic red eyes. **Nope, I cannot imagine that.**"Look, Dumblehor **Dumble whore? Dumble whore? Lol. **noes your little secret and if u do dis again, then u will go to St Mango's. **Ebony is still welcome there,** So give back da camera!1111"

Hahahaha the Mystery of Mogic **Can this get anymore stupid. **thinks he is crazy there is no way dey wil believe him. Snoop laughed meanly. **Yes, yes it can**

"Yes so shut your mputh you inlosent fools!" yelled Proffesor McGoggle. **Eep, my favorite line from her.**She made us cum ***blinks*** **No, just, no.** into a weird room with white stones all around it. There were all these werid tools in it. Draco started to cry all sexy and sexitive (geddit koz hes a sexbom** Fajuck off. ** lol tom felnot rulez 4 lif **yeah, he is sexy.** but nut as muxh as gerard ur sex on legz I luv u u fokeng rok mary me!111). **Does anyone here feel so sorry for Gerard Way? I feel like giving him a hug.**

I started to cry tearz of blood (it hapnz in vrampir kroniklz raven sed so ok so fok u!1 **But I didn't say anything.**). Vampire took out a black honkerchief **Lol, honkerchief, that is pretty funny. **and started to wipe my red eyes. **Not sexily.**

And then…..** Suspense again.** he and Snoop both took out guns using magic. **Guns and magic? Why?**They started to shoot each other angrily. **Just stop it.** Non of the ballots gut on eachodder yet. **I see no sense in that sentence.** I took out my wand. **Finally.**

"Crosio!" **hehe, I liked the cat spell better.** I shouted. Snap stated 2 scram he dropd da gun. But it was too late. Both of them had run out of ballets. I STOPPED DA CURSE.** Because your such a great sadist.** Profesor McGoogle did a spell so that we were all chained up. She took out a box of tools. **I'm confused.**Den she said "OK Serverus I'm going 2 go now." She left. Snap started to laugh evilly. Vampire started to cry. **How pathetic.**

"It's ok Enoby." said Draco. "Evergreen will be all right. ** Evergreen will be alright. How poetic.** Remember the cideo u took of Snake." **No, I don't.**

Snape laughed again. And then...he took out some whips!1!1111** Whips! Oh no, not the whips.**


	30. Chapter 30

**I am losing the will to live because of this.**

**Although I do quite like this chapter, something happens at least.**

**Anyhoo, read and review, preps.**

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><p>Chapter 30.<p>

AN: stop flaming da story ok u dnot no wutz even gona happen ok **I do. Ebony is going to put her boy thing in Draco's sexily and then bitch about preps. **!1111 so FUL U **Ful you. Yeah, all of you, go stuff yourself with food.**!111 if u flam u wil be a prep so al flamerz kan kiss muh ass …**I'd rather not. **!111 soz 4 soz 4 sayin alzhimers is dongerous but datz da mysteries opinin koz sosiety basically sux. **…what? Society sucks, so Alzheimer's is now dangerous? How is that possible? **fangz 2 raven u rok bich!111 **I'm going to assume that she calls all her friends bitches.**

"No!11" we screamed sadly. **Why? What happened last chapter again? My Alzheimer's is dangerous, so I can't remember what happened… Sorry, I'm being stupid now. **Snap stated loafing meanly. **He was doing nothing meanly? Yep, makes total sense.** He took out a kamera anvilly. **I'm just going to pretend that's normal. It makes life so much easier.** Then… **Run for your lives! The dots are back! **he came tords Darko! **He sounds stupid.**1! He took sum stones out of his poket. He put da stones around Draco and nit a candle. **0.o? **

"What the fuck r u doing!" **Yes, my thoughts exactly, Ebony. I am so glad we are on the same page. **I shooted arngrily. Snoop laughed meanly. He polled down his pants. **God, please no, I cannot take another badly written sex scene. My brain is still getting over the throbbing tool scene.** I gasped- there was a Dork Mark on his you-know-wut!11! **Okay, that is hilarious!**

He waved his wand and a nife came. He gave da knife 2 me.** Please, someone kill her so we can all get on with our lives.**

"U must stab Vrompire." **What? Why? What did he ever do, well except suck the blood from Hufflepuffs. Okay, he deserves to die. **he said to me. "If u don't then I'll rap Draco!1" **I have no words to the describe the sickness of that sentence, so in its place, I shall go and throw up.**

"No you fucking bastrad!1" I yielded. **I see her with a sword yelling yeehaa!**

But den Draco looked at me sadly with his evil goffik red eyes dat looked so depressant and sexy. **Yep, evil gothic red eyes, are totally sexy, and anyone who disagrees is a despicable prep. **He lookd exactly like a pentragram (lol geddit koz im a satanist) **Tara, seriously, expect me at your doorstep, Imma come hit you with a fajucking dictionary.! ** between Kurt Cobain and Gerard. But then I looked at Vampire and he looked so smexy too wif his goffik black hair. **No, just no.** I thought of da time when we screwed and the time I did it with Draco and Dumblydore came and the tame where Draco almost commited suicide and Vampire wuz so sportive. ***Sigh* all the good memories. **

Snipe laughed angrily. He started to prey to Volxemort. **…? **He started to do an incapacitation dancing around the stokes whipping Draco and Vampire. **Just imagine that. It's pretty funny.**Suddenly an idea I had. I clozd my eyes and using my vampire powers **Oohh, the Mary sue has vampire vampires, I totally did not expect that.** I sent a telepathetic **I hath telekinesis is totally cooler.** Massage **Come on, now is not the time for that.** to Drako and Vampire so they would destruct Snape. ***Blink* Okay.**

"Dumbeldork **lol, this just gets better.** will get u!" Draco shooted.

"Yah just wait ubtil da Mystery find out!11" Vampire yelled. Meanwhile I took out my wand.

"You ridiculus dondderhed! ** Yes, that sound you hear is me chuckling. How does Tara come up with all these insults. Ridiculous dondderhead. Lol, this is great stuff. **111" Snoop yielded. He took off all of Drico's clothes. Just as he was about to rape him **No, please, don't.**….

"Crosio!" I shited pointing my wound. **You pointed your wound? How?** Snoop **Dawg** scremed and started running around da room screming. Meanwhile I grabed my blak mobile and sent a txt 2 Serious. **But they're the same person.** I stopped doing crucio.

"You dunderhed!111 Im going to kill-" shooted Snape but suddenly Serverus came. **Severus is Snape, you ridiculous dondderhead.**

Snake put the whip behind his bak. "Oh hello Sev I wuz just teaching them sumthing." *** Headdesk* I'm dying inside. **he lied. But suddenly Lusian and Profesor Trevolry came in2 da room and they and Serious unlocked the chains and put dem around Snap. Then Profesor Trevolry said 'Come on Ebony let's go." **Is that it for this chapter? YAY!**


	31. Chapter 31

**Meh, I just went for a jog, so I'm tired, so just read and review.**

***Cue cheesy smile***

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><p>Chapter 31.<p>

AN: I sed shut da fok up u quiephs** qui ephs? **!111 stop kalin ebony a mary su **Ebony is the mother of Mary Sues. **ok u dnot even no wutz gong 2 happen ok so fuk u!1111 fangz 2 muh bff raven 4 di help **What help? **!1111

"I always knew u were on Voldemort's side, you sun of a bitca (bufy rox!111). **I don't see the connection between Buffy the vampire slayer and My Immortal. It just doesn't work. Although I do wish Buffy would show up and murder everyone.**" Serious said 2 Snape. **But, they're the same person. Or does Snape have a multiple personality disorder?**

"No I'm not I was teaching them somefing!1" Snap clamed. **This is just so funny.**

"Oh fucking yeah?" I took some blak Volremortserum ** For all of you Voldemort impersonators. **out of my poket and gave it to Serverus. He made Snap dirnk it. **Sigh, I give up. ** He did arngrily. Then Luscious** Does he have luscious hair?** took out a tape recorder and started playing it while he did curses on Snap. **That makes no sense. ** Then Proffesor Sinister **Oh yeah, my favourite evil teacher. **and Lucian made us get out wif them while Snape told his secretes. Lucian took Vampure** Vampire is pure now?** and Draco to the nurse after thanking me a millon times. ** No, just no. **Profesor Trevolry took me to a dark room. Now I wuz going to go back in time to sedouce Volxemort. **Yay! Finally! ** **I've been waiting so long! I even had to sit through horrible sex scenes, images I will never get out of my head now. **Moving posters of MCR and Nrivana **Narnia? Please be Narnia.** were all over. Hermoine, Darkness and Willow came too. B'loody Mary gave me a blak bag from Tom Rid's store.

"Whatz in da bag?" I asked Profesor Trevolry. **Your death *Cue evil laugh***

"U will c." **Yes, it's so hard to type in see, *phew* my fingers are tired from typing that word.** she said. I opened thee bag. **Stop it! You're not Voldemort** In it was a sexy tite low-smut black leather gothic dress. It had red korset stuff and there was a silt up da leg. **I should get me one of those. It would totally get my crush to ask me out.** I put it on. My frendz helped me put on blak fishnetz and blak pointy boots Willow had chosen. Willow and Darkness helped me put on black eyeliner and blod-red lipshtick. **Why could you just not put it on yourself?**

"You look fucking kawaii, bitch." B'loody Mary said. **Yep, she's all ready to go and seduce Voldemort in the past. **

"Fangs." I said. **Stop saying that, it makes no sense.**

"Ok now you're going to go back in tim." **Now's really not the time to have horrible sex with Tim, Ebony. **said Proffesor Sinister. "U will have to do it in a few sessionz." She gave me a blak gun. I put it in a strap on my fishnetz like in Redisnet Evill.** Re dis net. Epic fail.** Then she gave me a black time-tuner. "After an hour use da time torner to go back here." Proffesor Trevolry said. Then she and B'loody Mary put a Pensive in front of me. Every1 went in front of it. **Just do it already! **

"Good luk!1" Everryone shooted. Darkess and Willow gave me deth's touch sin. **I have no idea what she just said.** Then….. I jumped sexily in2 da Pensive. **Ebony does everything sexily.**

Suddenly I was in fornt of teh School. In front of me wuz one of da sexiest goth guyz I had ever seen. ** Lol, Justin Bieber. I totally bet you guys she has pictures of him all over her walls. **He was wering long blak hair,** He was wearing hair?** kinda like Mikey Way only black. He had gren eyes like Billie Joe Amstrung and pale whit skin. He wuz wearing a blak ripped up suit wif Vans. **Seriously, where can I meet guys like these? ** It was….Tom Bombodil!1111** Tom Riddle? How does she get Bombodil from Riddle? Although if that really was his name, I understand why he's so evil now.**


	32. Chapter 32

Chapter 32.

AN: I sed stup fflaming **ppp Flaming. Say it, now. **I no his nam iznt tom bodil dat wuz a mistak!**Then why did you type it? **1111 if u dnot lik de story den u kan go skrew urself!11111 U SUK!111111 **Don't me mean to 1s. **

"Hi." I said flirtily. "Im Enoby Way da new student." **She is now in the past. DUN DUN DUN!** I shok my pale handz wif their blak noil polish wif him. **So many unnecessary descriptions. **

"Da name's Tom." he said. "But u kan call me Satan.***Hits head on desk*** Datz ma middle nam" **Idiot.**

We shok hands. "Well come on we have 2 go upstairs." Satan said. I followed him. "Hey Satan…..do u happen to be a fan of Gren Day?" **I don't think Green Day existed then as well, you dunce.** (sinz mcr and evinezenz dont exist yet den) I asked.

"Oh my fuking god, how did u know?" Satan gasped. **I cannot imagine him saying that.**"actually I like gc a lot too."(geddit coz gc did that song I just wanna live that's ounded really 80s** I am currently planning your death, Ebony.**)

"omg me too!" I replied happily.**I KNEW IT! She really is a Justin Bieber loving prep**

"guess what they have a concert in hogsment." satan whispered.** Not again, please.**

"hogsment?" I asked.

"yeah that's what they used to call it in these time before it became Hogsmeade in 2000." **You idiot!** he told me all sekrtivly. "and theres a really cool shop called Hot-"

'topic!" I finshed, happy again. **See? I can totally imagine them giggling like little girls now. It makes everything better.**

He froned confusedly. "noo its called Hot Ishoo." He smiled skrtvli again. "then in 1998 dey changd it to hot topic." he moaned. **What? That is wrong on so many levels. You my friend are an idiot. **

"ohh." now everything was making sense for me. "so is dumblydor your princepill?" I shouted.

"uh-huh." he looked at his black nails. **Lol, totally preppy like.** "im in slitherin'"

"OMfG SHME **What does Peter Pan have to do with things?** TOO!" I SHRIEDKED. **You fajucking prep.**

"u go to this skull?"(geddit cos im goffik** I can't do this anymore**) he asked.

"yah that's why im here im NEW." I SMELLED **Uuh, creepy **HAPPili.

Suddenly dumblydore flew in on his broomstuck and started shredding at us angrily. "NO TALKING IN THE HALLS!" he had short blonde hair and was wearing a polo shirt from Amrikan ogle outfters. "STUPID GOFFS!" **Hahaha, Dumbledore is so epic in this story.**

satan rolled his eyes. "his so mean to us goffs and punks just becose we're in slytherine and we're not preps." **You guys are like the most preppiest people ever.**

I turned around angrily. "actually I fink mebe its becos ur da barke lord." **The bark Lord! That is still hilarious. And is she not giving away her cover now?**

"wtf?" he asked angrily. **Such a nice guy.**

"oh nuffin." I said sweetly. **Prep!**

then suddenlyn…. the floor opened. "OMFG NO I SCEAMED AS I FEEL DOWN. everyone looked At ME weirdly." **The floor opened and you fell?**

"hey where r u goin?" satan asked as I fell. **Okay, that is officially my favorite. Imagine, her falling down a hole and him just standing there, bored. Asking where she's going.**

I got out of the hole n it was bak in the pensive in professor trevolry's classroom. dumblydum wuz dere. "dumblydore I think I just met u." I said. **Huh?**

"oh yeah I rememba that." dumblydor said, trying to be all goffik. **Yeah, that is totally acting goffik.**

sinister came in. "hey dis is my classroom wait wtf enoby what da hell r u doing?" **She's at school, what are you doing?**

:"um." I looked at her.

"oh yeaH I forgot bout that." **But? She's in the past, how would the teacher know who she was?**

"wth how?" I screamed forgetting she was a teacher for a second. but shes a goff so its ok. **So it's okay to swear at your goffik teachers? I'll have to go and try it out tomorrow.**

professor sinster looked sad. "um I was drinking voldemortserum." ** Who else wants to try that? **she started to cry black tears of depression. dumblydum didn't know about them.

"hey r u crying tears of blood?" he asked curiously, tuching a tear.

"fuck off!" we both said and dumblydum took his hand away. **It is against the law to touch someone's tears.**

professor sinster started crying again in her chair, sobbing limpid tears. "omfg enoby…I think im addicted to Voldemortserum." **WOW!**

AN: SEE U FOKKING PREPZ GO FOK URSELXXZ DATZ SERUS ISSUZ **It really was, we should all feel sorry for Sinister. ** 2O GO 2 HELL!1111112

* * *

><p><strong>Today I got in trouble for reading a book in class.<strong>

**When the teacher asked me what I was doing I replied "I'm reading." She was not impressed.**

**But I had a huge urge to say "I'm reading, and you?" But I think she would have kicked me out of class.**

**But seriously, reading in class? Wow, I should be expelled.**


	33. Chapter 33

**Isabelle this is for you, I promised I would give you two updates and you get two updates.**

**You may now bask in my glory. Lol.**

**Enjoy you preps.**

**Read and review.**

Chapter 33.

AN: I sed shut up itz nut my folt ok if u don't lik da story den ur a prep so fuk u flamerz** Yep, in Tara world, there are two types of people. The goffiks who like this story and the fajucking poser presps who don't. **!1111 ps im nut updating ubtil u giv me fiv god reviewz nd diz tim I men it! **I'm sorry everybody, there will now be no more updates. **111111 U SUK!1111 fangz raven 4 di help il promiz to help u wif ur story lolz1 **Another story with Tara writing it? Please save me.**

"Oh my fuking god!1" I shooted sadly. "Shud we get u 2 St Manga's, bitch?"** Lol, yeah bitch.**

"Hel no!" she said. "Lizzen Egogy, **Eg- ogy. ** I need ur help. Nex tim u go bak in tim, do u fink u kod ask Tom Andorson **Who the heck is this? **4 sum help?"

"Sure I said sadly** And sexily**. I went outside the door. Draco was there! **These sentences, wow, blow my mind. **111 He wuz wearing a big blak GC tshit which wuz his panamas.

"Hey Sexxy." I said. **Wait, was Ebony not in the past? What is Draco doing there?**

"How'd it go Enoby?" he asked in his voice was so sexy and low kinda like Gerard Way when hes talking. **So sexy.**

"Fine." I reponded. We stared 2 go bak in2 da dorm. **I have this urge to show this to my English teacher, she'd probably have a heart attack**

"How far did u go wif Satan?" Drako asked jealously.** But, but. She's in the past!**

"Not 2 far, lol." I borked. **I used to bork, not so fun anymore.**

"Will you hav to do it with him?" Draco asked angstily.** Jealous bastard, Ebony should dump him. Then I can have him.**

"I hop not 2 far!111" I shouted angrily. Den I felt bad 4 shooting at him. I said sorry. We frenched. **No! Please I beg of you.**

"What happened 2 Snipe?" I growled. **Random, you frenched and now you're talking of Snape. Well whatever keeps you afloat.**

"U will see." Draco giggled mistressly. He opened a door…Snap nd Lumpkin werz there!11 Serious waz pokering dem by staging dem wif a blak nife.** Hahahahaha. Not really, that doesn't really make sense.**

"NOOOO PLZ!1111" Lumpkin bagged as Serious started 2 suk his blood. ***Disgusted face* W.T.F!** I laffed statistically. **You statistical bitch** I tok some photons of him and Snap bing torqued. **Serius tortured Lupin and Snape? When did this happen?** (ok I no dis iz men but fink abot it ppl dey r pedoz nd Snap trid 2 rap dem and neway sadiztz rok haz any1 seen shrak atak 3 lolz). We took sum of Snipe's blod den Drako and I went bak 2 our roomz. We sat on my goffik blak coffin. My cloves were kinda drity so I pot on a blak leather outfit fingie kinda like da 1 Suelene haz in Undreworld. (if u haven't herd of it den FUK U!111 **Okay, then. I shall leave *Sniff* There's no need to be so mean.**) . I put on some blak platform high heelz. Darko put on 'desolition liverz' by MCR. Den….we storted 2 take of eachotherz clozez. ** No, please don't.**I tok of his shit nd he had a six-pak, lolz. ***Save me***We started 2 mak out lik in Da Grudge. He pot his wetnes in my u-know-what sexily. I gut an orgy.

**Wetness-**

**You know what-**

**Sexily-**

**Orgy.**

**AAGGHHH! **

**Excuse me while I go and kill myself.**

"Oh Draco!111111!1 Oh mi fuking gud Draco!1111" I screemed passively as he got an eructation.

**Passively and eructation?**

**What? **

**You know what.  
>I'm just going to pretend I don't care.<br>**

"I luv u TaEbory.** Wait! Was her profile hacked or did she really start to type Tara. It wouldn't surprise me.**" he whispred sexily and den we fel aspleep lol.** – It's a little drowning man!**


	34. Chapter 34

**I shall be commenting on this with Isabelle **

_**Hey Goffics!**_

**Let's brave this together.**

_**Suuuure **_

**You scare me.**

… _**Okaaaay, well I'm not scary ok Prepz! I am Awesome (decided by anonymous vote)**_

**Voting on your own poll does not count.**

_**Yes well anyway I can't think of any comebacks so let's just do this!**_

**Now you're just quoting Hannah Montana songs! **

_**Who's Hannah Montana? How do you know what she sings in her songs?**_

**I have never loved you more (Eeuw not in that way.) Some kid in my class is obsessed with her, Even has magazines, and High School Musical magazines. **

_**He Scares the hell out of me. **_

**He is a boy and he is scary.**

_**More about Me! Age: old enuff to kiss in public haha. Interests: Anthing that does not include Jeanette. I'm awesome by the way!**_

**Screw you, you're scaring away my readers.**

**Read and review and I won't throw her out of the window.**

_**Yes, Read and review Dunderheads**_

* * *

><p>Chapter 34.<p>

AN: SHOT DA FOK UP PREPZ!1111 **Typing the number 1 is totally goffik. **_**11111111 It feels so Emo, I think I'm gonna cry **_hav u even red de story!11 u r proly** Such a cute name.** al just prepz nd posrs so FUK U!111 fangz 2 raven 4 da help!1 **I see no help what so ever. **_**I think Raven is just her imaginary friend… her only friend hahaha. **_**Maybe Tara is just a figment of our imagination. *gasp* Everything makes sense now.**_** Yes Jeanette, I am not really here, ur just typing in italic and bold for fun haha, u Crazy PREP. **_**I need help.**

I wook up in da coffin de next day. **I wake up in the oven, so much more convenient. **_**And when I sleep over, I get forced to sleep in the Dvd machine**_ .Draco waz gone.** These sentences, wow, my mind is blown.** I got up and put on a blak tight sexah drsss **Just say that, dressssssss. So goffik.**_** Ebony is a snake, no wonder she can't spell **_that was all ripped at da end. ** Please get me this for my birthday, my crush hasn't asked me out yet, he will if he sees me in this.**There wuz red korset stuff going up da fornt and da bak and it came up 2 my knees. There wuz a slit in da dress lik in mr & mr simth _** The gay version**_. I pot on ripped blak fishnets and blak stilton bo-ots,_** Is it strange that I'm just wearing pants and a shirt?**_** Not really, I'm wearing a towel.**. Suddenly…. Sorious cocked **He cocked? Cock-ed? **_** NOOOOO Jeanette curse you, Mental images**_. **He cocked? **_**Yes, yes he did, In Tara's world everybody cocks on her door**_**. I am dying of laughter. **on da door. I hopened it.** Hopped in it? How do you do that? **_** She hath telekinesis (though I don't get how the power to move things with your mind can help Volxemort/Voldemort/Vocemort … Read her mind…)**_**Lol, he cocked. **_** That explains his flat nose. **_**Laughter is consuming me. He cocked. That is great stuff! **_**Sorius is the chicken version of whatever twisted character Tara originally created…. He cocked….**_

"Hi Ibony."** That is a new one.** he said. "Gezz wut u have 2 cum _**…But (**_**Lol, you said butt**_**) Ebony is a Girl…Isnt she?Or is Ibony a boy version…Maybe he can spell? **_** I grow tired of her saying cum the whole time. ** 2 Profesor Sinistor's office." **Lol, but cum to his office is pretty funny.**

"Ok." I said in a deprezzd **and sexah. **_** I say it in a Hapzy voice. **_**No, Isabelle, just no. **voice. I had wanted to fuk _**Myself… hehe **_Draco or maybe lessen to MCR or Evonezcence. I came anyway.** That whole sentence just killed me, I am dying of laughter.**

"So what the fuck happened 2 Snipe and Loopin?" I asked Sorious flirtily._**You whore. **_***Gasp* You fajucker, you said whore! **

"I fucking tortured them." he answered in a statistic _**He's probably her math teacher. **_**Her fucking math teacher.** _** Yes he fucking teaches them **_way. "They r in Abkhazian **We just googled that, that is a language, who knew?**_** In Abkhazian Cocked actually means….wait I shouldn't write that down**_**. He cocked. I will never get over that. **now, lol."

I laughed evilly.** Muahaahaha. Mine is better.**

"Where r Draco and Vampira? **She is the one with the breast, I assume.**" I muttered.

"Dey are xcused form skool 2day.** So many errors, can't go on any longer. **_**Ebony you Whore! You killed Jeanette you dunderhead!**_" Sodomize **Sodomize? I don't seem to know him.**moaned sexily. "Rite now they are watching Da Nigtmare b4 Xmas." **The nightmare before Christmas is totally a moan worthy movie.**

We went into da office. Proffesor Sinister **My favorite mustache stroking evil teacher. **_**I feel there is an evil twist to her character, I do not know why**_. **Perhaps she is sinister?**was there. She was wearing a goffik blak dress that was all ripped all over it kinda lik da one Amy Lee wears in this pic

( http/ She wuz drinking some Volximortserum. **Because she's cool. **_**I thought serum was another word for cream, till ebony told me otherwise. **_**Ebony is so wise, I bow down to her wisdom. **

She took out da Pensiv and the time-torner._**And his magical fairy godparents. **_**Why am I friends with such strange people?**

"Enoby, you will have to do anozzer session now.** Session of what? **_**With her young pupils… She teaches them the way of life**_ Also I need u to get me da cure 4 being adikited." **Get it yourself. Ebony cannot be trusted. **_**Anybody who calls themselves a goffik cannot be trusted, or taken seriously**_**. I don't trust you anymore, you goffik prep. **_**Dammit, my cover is blown**_she said sadly. "Good luck. Fangz!"**Ebony, she just you a dog! But we all knew that.**

And then….I jumped into the Prinsive again. Suddenly I looked around…I was in da Grate Hall eating Count Chorcula. It was mourning _**The goffic word for Breakfast time**_. I was sitting next to Satan _**I never thought I would hear anybody say that, I hope Ebony is in Hell**_.** Yes, but to her Hell is like McDonalds. What I wouldn't do for some McDonalds now**_. *__**Mouth watering*I need you!**_ On a table was a tall gottik man wif long blak hair, pail skin and blue eyes wering a suit and blak Cronvrese shoes. **Why was he on the table, why? **_**The lights are probably flashing, there are lots of girls, and a pole in the middle of the room. **_**You horny simpleton. You disgust me. ** He looked just like Charlyn Manson. I noticed…he was drinking a portent. _**A portent is actually some kind of warning… Turn back now! He is drinking a warning, he'll get drunk fast.**_

"Whose he!11" I asked.

"Oh, datz Profesor Slutborn _**Bwahahaha. If Jeanette has a child he'll be whoreborn, **_**You're just jealous, aren't you. My kids will be awesome**_**. The awesome little whorebornians?**__**Well being a whore is better than being a bitch**_. **Yes, you would know. **" Satan said. "He's da Portents teacher _**The warning teacher? Tell everybody to RUN.**_….. **Look at that, look at that great suspense. **_**Dot Dot Dot Dot Dot Dot, did your heart just stop beating ?**_** Yes, I am on the edge of my chair, holding my teddy. **Ebony?"

_**Dot Dot Dot**_

"Yah?"**Totally preppik.** I asked.

"Did u know dat Marylin Mason is playing in Hogsemade tonight? And they r showing The Exercise _** yes Ebony needs to lose weight, get the whole dvd set.**_**That's a bit bicthy don't you think. **_**Yah**_ at da movies b4 dat."

"Yah?" _**oooh with a question mark this time**_

"Well…...want 2 go 2 da contort _**Sound like some weird sex move. **_**The cocked move.** and da movie wif me?"

_**Dot Dot Dot**_

* * *

><p><strong>Wasn't that just great? <strong>

**So you gonna review? No? Ah you're all preppy bitches anyway.**

_**Please review, or she'll kill me… **_

**She's just joking. *Stuffs something suspicious into closet.***


	35. Chapter 35 gost of u

**You know what I am? Lazy, that's what I am.**

**I apologize in advance for my behavior in this chapter.**

**Anywhoo, read and review.**

* * *

><p>Chapter 35. gost of u<strong> Best chapter titles ever.<strong>

AN: fangz 2 suzi 4 da idea!1 u rok! fuk of prepz!11111111 fangz 2 raven 4 di help u rok gurl!1 ps im gong 2 end da stroy rlly sun **She's gonna end it soon. Should I be happy or sad?** so FUK U!111 oh yah nd if u no eny gofik namz plz tel me koz I ned 1 4 serius! **No! You cannot make him goffik. You've already ruined Ron for me.**1 fangz. **Tara, stop being so funny.**

I went in2 da Conmen Room finking of Satan. Suddenly I gasped…..Draco **You know, your boyfriend. ** wuz there!111

I grasped. **You do not want to know what's going on in my head now. O_o** He locked as hut as eva werring blak ledder pants, a blak Lonken Prak t-shrit and blak eyeliner.

"Draco what da fuk r u dong!111111" I gosped.** What? Just, no, I give up.**

"Huh?" **Wow, these sentences. **he asked. Then I remembred. It wuzn't Draco. It was Lucan **Luck-an? **!1 He stil had two arms. **When did Lucian have more than two arms? Why did no one fucking tell me this!**

"Oh hi Lucian!1" **But how do you know his name?**I sed. "Im Ebony the new student lol we shook ** lol, shook. No, that's not funny. **handz."

"Yah Satan** Satan, satan. I don't remember him now. Oh, yes, Tom Bomboldel. Or something like that.** told me abot you." Lusian said. He pinted to a groop of sexxxy **Cus they're so sexy? **gottik guyz. They where siting in a corner kutting. **Lol, when I first read this, I read knitting. Yes, I like to believe they were knitting. ** It wuz Serious, **The serious guy of the group. **Vampire's dad **Uh. James….** and…Snap! **Why? Snape hates them all?** All of them were wearing blak eyeliner and blak Good Chralootte band shirts. "Lizzen I'm in a goth band wif those guys." he said. "Were playing 2nite at da Marylin Mason show as back-up. **I'm confused.**

"ORLY." I ESKED. **Really is now orly. Asked is now esked. WTF.**

"Yeah." he said. "Were calld XBlakXTearX. **So many stupid names. **I play teh gutter. **He plays a gutter? Yep, makes total sense.** Spartacus **Who?** plays da drums" he said ponting to him. "Snap plays the boss. **Snape is rather bossy. **And Jamez plays the guitar to even fo we call him Samaro, after Samara in da ring." **No, fuck no! No sense this is making.**

"Hey bastards."** I call all of my friends this too. ** I told them they gave me Dethz tuch sin. **I still have no idea what this is. If someone could tell me what it is, I shall personally love you forever.** **Well maybe for a day.** Suddenly I gasped again. "But don't u have a lead singer!" I asked. Lucian looked dawn sadly. ***Sniff* let's all cry for Lucian.**

"We uzd to but she did. She contempted suicide by silting her rists."** That is the dumbest sentence I have read this chapter yet.**

"Oh my fuking god!11 Datz so fuking sad!1" I gasped. **Fuck this! Let's just add fuck to everything we say. I apologize for my behavior so far, I seem to be swearing a lot. Well fuck you.**

**0_o What is wrong with me?  
>No, rather don't answer that question.<strong>

"Its okay but we need a new led snigger." Samaro said.** Sigh, will I ever get my life back?**

"Wel…..I said Im in a bnad myself." **But you haven't mentioned your band in like ages. **

"Rilly?" asked Snap. I cudnt belive it. He used 2 b goffik!111 **The nerve of that guy! He's such a prep in the future!**

"Yeah were called Blody Gothik Rose 666. Do u wanna hr me sing?" **How does she make so many spelling errors? It cannot be humanly possible.**

Yeah said everyone. So the guys tok out der guitarz. They began to pay a song bi (geddit koz bi guyz r sooo sexah!11) **Tara, I will hurt you. **Gurn Day. **She spelt green wrong? How?**

"I wok dis empt stret on da bolevrad of broken dremz." **I feel like crying. **I sang sexily (I dnot own da lyrikz 2 dat song **You don't? Damn, there goes my theories on life.**).. Every1 gasped.

"Enopby? Will u join da band? Plz!1" begged Lucian, Samoro, Serious and Snap.

"Um….ok." I shrugged. "Are we gong to play tonight?"** I have died inside.**

"Yah." they said.

"Ok." I said but I new dat I had 2 get a new outfit. **So preppy!** I walked outside wondering how I kud go forward in time. Suddenly someone jumped in fornt of me. **Le gasp! **It wuz…..Morty Mcfli! **Who? I don't seem to know any of these characters. **1 He was wering a blak bnad tshrit and blak bagy jeans. **She spelt jeans correct? Yes!**

"What da hell r u dong here!11" I asked.

"I wil help u go frowad in tim Enoby." he said siriusly Den….he took out a blak tim **Ebony, Tim is dating me. You can't get every guy **machine. I went in2 it and…..sudenly I wuz forward in tim!111 **Ooh, another great cliffhanger.**


	36. Chapter 36

**I think I have the right to sing.**

**IT'S FRIDAY FRIDAY. GOTTA DOWN ON FRIDAY!**

**I think Rebecca Black and Tara are like distant cousins.**

**Anywhoo **

**Read and Review.**

**Enjoy**

* * *

><p>Chapter 36.<p>

AN: I sed stop flaming ok! **After 36 chapters she has not given up yet.**111111111 I bet u r al proly old srevinty yr oldz **Umm no, I'm actually 16. **!111 ps PORTERSUZ UR A PREP!1 o ya nd fangz** Stop bringing Hagrids' dog into this. ** 2 raven 4 di help!111 hav fun in englond gurl!11111

I loked around in a depresed **and sexy **way. **Lol, geddit cus Gerad Way is so sexah** Suddenly I saw Profesor Sinister. B'lody Mary, Socrates **I haven't the slightest clue as to who this is.** and Draco, Vampire and Willow were their to.

"OMFG **Seriously, no one talks like that. **Sorius I saw u nd Samaro and Snip nd everyone!11111 I kant beleev Snap uzd 2 b goffik!111111" **That was so dumb.**

"Yah I no." Serious said sadly. **Why, why is Sirius not allowed to be goffik?**

"Oh hey there bitch." Profesor Trevolry **Score one for the awesome teacher** said in an emo voice dirnking some Volxemortserom. **Isn't this the past? **

Hi fuker." **Can't you just think of one teacher you'd like to say that to. I know I do. **I said. "Lizzen, Satan asked me out to a gottik cornet and a movie so I need a sexah new outfit for da date. Also I'm playng in a gothic band so I need an ootfit for that too." **No words can describe the idiocy of that paragraph. Except. FAIL.**

"Oh my satan!1" (geddit lolz koz shes gofik **Yes I do. OMG Tara is such a genius.**) gasped B'lody Mary. "Want 2 go to Hot Topik to shop 4 ur outfit?" **Not preppy. Not preppy**

"OMFS, letz have a groop kutting **As in cutting? What the fuck is wrong with these people?** session!11" said Profesor Trevolry.

"I can't fucking wait 4 dat but we need 2 get sum stuff first." said Willow.

"Yah we need sum portions for Profesor Trevolry so she wont be adikted 2 Volxemortserum anymore nd also….sum luv potion 4 Enoby.** There we have it. You have to force people to drink love potions in order to fall in love with Ebony. Our thoughts have been confirmed**" Darko said resultantly.

"Well we have potions klass now." Willow said so let's go.

We went sexily ***Snigger* **to Potionz class. But Snap wasn't there. Instead there was…Cornelio Fuck! **I am dying of laughter. I'm naming my kid that one day. **11111

"Hey where the fuck is Dumblydore!111" Draco shouted angrily.

"STFU!1" shooted Cornelia Fuck. ** I have never loved this story more.** "He is in Azkhabian now wif Snip and Loopin he is old and week he has kancer. ** Huh? When did this happen?** "Now do ur work!111"

My friendz and I talked arngrily.** And sexily.**

"Can you BELEVE Snap used to be gottik!** Shut up! You guys can't even be classified as being gothic! Snape is badass so fuck off! **1" Vampire asked surprisedly.

"DATZ IT!11" CORNELIO FUK SHOOTED ARNGRILY. "IM GETTING PROFESOR BRIDGE ** We drank all the rum so she's only bridge now.**!111"

He stomped out angrily.** This is getting out of hand.**

Mi frendz and I began talking again. I began to drink some blod mixed wif beer. **Yum, my fave.** Suddenly I saw Hargrid in da cupboard. **He's the boogey man now?**

"WTF is he doing?" **I'd like to know that too.** I asked. Then I looked at Draco. He wuz wearing tonz of eyeliner nd he locked shexier** Lol, sexah with a lisp. Say it out loud. I command you.** den eva. Suddenly…" **So. Many. Dots.**HARGRIF WUT DA FOK R U DOING!11" he shooted.

I looked around….Hairgrid wuz putting sumfing in my glass of blod!11 Darko and Vampire started 2 beat him up sexily. **I think this is the funniest chapter yet. I haven't laughed this much in a long time.**

"God u r such a posr!1" I shooted at Hairgrid. Suddenly I looked ar what he was putting in da blood. It was…Amnesia Portion **NOOOO! THE SUSPENSE!**!111


	37. Chapter 37

**I'm sorry I haven't updated in a while. School has been kicking my ass lately. **

**Anywhoo. Read and Review.**

**Enjoy**

* * *

><p>Chapter 37.<p>

**AN**: OK EVRYBODY IM GONG ON VOCATION** Yay! **ON DA FRIST OF JULY SO IM EEDER GONNA END DA FIK **Please do. ** OR UPDAT IT IN WEEX. fangz!1 oh yah nd prepz stop flaming sa story!11 raven fangz 4 da help c ya gurl afta vocation!11

DARKO'S PONT OF VIEW LOL **I am laughing out loud at your stupidity, Tara.**

Vampire and I chaind Hairgrid 2 da floor. **Assholes.**

"Oh mi fucking satan!11" Enoby said. She wuz so hot. **Fuck, why does she make everyone blind?** "Maybe I cud uze Amnesia potion 2 make Satan foll in love wif me faster!1" **Eyes bleeding. Please help me.**

"But u r so sexy and wonderful aneway **No, Draco, you are still drunk. **Tata, **Tata, Tata. Could she maybe have wanted to spell Tara? Am I crazy?**" said Vampire. "Why would u need it?" **Because how else would someone fall in love with her?**

"To make everyfing go faster lol." **Eeuw, gross images have just crossed my brain.** said Enoby.

"But you wont have to do it wif him or anyfing, will u?" I asked jelosly.** No, don't go go to the dark side!**

"OMFG u guyz r so scary!11" said Britney, **The only character in this story who I actually like. Well except Dumbles and Voldy of course.** a fucking prep.

"Shut the fuk up!1" said Willow. **Umm. Oh yes, Raven. Who has risen from the dead.**

"Ok well anyway lets go 2 Profesor Trevolry's **I'd rather you call her Prof Sinister. **room."

Draco, Ebory and I went to Profesor Siniater's **Not quite the same. **room. But Profesor Sinister wasn't there. **Aaaahhh. ** Instead Tom Rid was. **How? Isnt he in the past?**

Oh hi fuckers he said. ** Amazing friends you have there. **Lizzen, ** Who's she? **I got u sum kewl new clovez.

I took out da cloves from da bag. It was a goffik blak leather miniskirt that said '666' on da bak, black stilton bootz, blood red fishnetz and a blak corset. **I need that outfit, I'll be looking hot.**

"OMG fangz!" I said hugging him in a gothic **Not goffik?** way. ** How does one hug in a gothic way? **I took da clothes in da bag.

"OK Profesor Sinister isnt hr what the fuk should we do?" asked Draco. Suddenly he loked at a sign on da blak wall.

"Oh my fuking satan!1" I screamed as I read it. On it said Evry1 Profesor Sinister is away. She is too gottik she is in Azkhabian now. **What! That makes less sense than.. well than nothing. **Classes shal be taught by Dubledork who is bak but he shall not be principal 4 now. Sincerely Profesor Rumbridge. **She has gotten rum back now.**

"OMFG!111" I shoted arngrily. "How could they do that!11"

Suddenly Dumblydore came. ***Snigger* I really am immature.**

"WHAT DA HELL R U DONG IN MY OFICE!1" he began to shoot angrily. Sudwenly I saw Morty Mcfly's blak tim machine! **Oh! From Back to the future! But what does this have to do with this story?**111 I jumped seductivly in2 it leaving Draco and Vampire. Sudenly I wuz back in tim! **Really not the time. **11 I looked around. It was…Profesor Slutborn's **Hehe, that is still awesome.** efface! I sneaked around. Suddenly I saw da Amnesia potion on his desk. It wuz blak wif blood-red pentagramz in it. It was the shape of a cross. I put it in my poket. Suddenly da door opened it wuz…..Profesor Slutgorn!11 **Nooo! In his own office! Get out!**

OMG wut r u doing fuker he shooted angrily I don't kno wut da fuk r u DOING I SHOUTED ANGRILY.

"Oh sorry I wuz just looking around koz I thought it wuz class." you said finally hoping he couldn't c da potion in ur pocket. **No idea what I just read.**

"Oh ok u can go now." said Profesor Slutborn.

You went to the conmen room after putting on my clothes. Silas, Samaro and Snap were there practicing Vampirez will Never Hurt U by MCR.** No, just no.**

"Oh hi you guys." I said seductively. "Wheres Satan?" **In the future, isn't he?**

"Oh he's cumming. **WHAT! **" said Serious. "BTW u can kall me Hades **No, you bitch! You have ruined Sirius!** now." Suddenly Satan came. He was wearing a smexxy blak leather Jackson, blak congres shoes, a Slipnot t-shirt and a blak tie.**Ugh, I don't see it.**

"Ok I will see you guyz at da concert." I said and then I went with Satan. **Is that it? This chapter was so short. I should be thankful though.**

* * *

><p><strong>I'm quite pissed. There's this guy in my class, who's ego is so huge. Who thinks I'm in love with him. No, I like his friend. He actually told me over FB to stop looking at him. I was like<strong> * _* **What?**

**Idiot. O well. **


	38. Chapter 38

**Chapter 38 is my fave so far. **

**Anywhoo. Read and review.**

**Enjoy**

* * *

><p>Chapter 38.<p>

AN: wut doez every1 fink if I end da strory **You would hear me scream from the other side of the earth.** and den I add sum more 2 it after vocation? **Now I'm crying **oh yah asnd prepz stup flaming if u dnot lik dat story den take muh quiz **I'd rather not. I quite like being preppik. **ok den u wil c if ur gofik or not!1111111 **What is with all these 111111? Is it something goffik like?**

Satan and I walked 2 his car. **Brrr. I just got chills.** It wuz a blak car wif pentagrams all over it. On da license plate said 666 just lik Draco's car. **That's not legal, is it? **I went in it seduktivly. **The only way to get into a goffik car. **Stan **I don't seem to recall him.** started 2 drive it. We talked about Satanism (lolz he wuz named after Satan ***Dies of bad joke***), kuttting, musik and being goffik.

"Oh my satan, Gerard is so fuking hot!11" Volxemort agreed as we smoked sum weed. (koz bi guyz r hot dey r so sensitive I luv dem lol goez fux a bi guy)** Stupid stereotypes! They're not all like that! **

"Lol, I totally decided not 2 comit suicide when I herd Hilena." **Why can I not imagine her saying LOL? **I said in a flirty voice. "….Hey Satan do u know da cure 4 when ppl r adikted 2 Volxemortseruem?" **I can't say that out loud. You try.**

"Well… **So many dots.**" he thought. "I fink u have 2 drink Vampire blod."

Suddenly Volxemort **Another member of the Voldemort impersonator club.** parked da car behind a blak movie theater. Satan and I walked outside. We went in2 da movie tether were they were showing da Excercist.** Impossible, or am I just really dense? ** In it a boy and a gurl were doing it sudenly a cereal killer **I seriously do think that Tara should write a book with all her great puns and insults. I would buy them all. **came lol. Satan and I laughed at da blood koz we're sadists. **Yeah, um. Okay.**

While Satan was watching da movie, I had an idea. **Le gasp!** I took Satan's gothic blak Nightmare b4 Christmas cigar sexily from his poket and put sum Amnesia potion in it. **I am not able to think after just reading that. I think my brain has officially just died. Thanks a lot Tara!** I put it bak in his blak Emile the Strange bag. Satan turned arund and started 2 smoke it. Blak cloudz wif red pentagramz ind em started 2 fly around everywhere. **My head hurts.**

"OMG!111" Satan said jumping up. I gasped koz I wuz afraid hed notizd. "Enoby gess what?"

I new that the amnesia had worked. **What? What is going on?**

"Amnesia potion has not been invented yet so it will not work." He said. "2 badd coz I wanted 2 use sum on u."

**These people are… crazy! Or whatever word works best/**

"Kul." I raised my eye suggestingly.** Oh no, please. I cannot handle another badly written sex scene. I beg of you – spare what little brain cells I have left. ** And den…. he tok of my cloves sexily ***Sob* **and we started 2 make out. I tok of his shit. **Excuse me while I go and bang my head on the wall.** He had six-pak justr lik Gerard Way!11 We frenched.

"Xcuze me but u r going 2 have 2 leave!111" shooted da lady behind us she was a prep. **I love this lady!**

"Fuk u!11" I said. Suddenly…. I attaked her suking all her blood

**This might sound rude. But that was seriously hilarious!**.

"Noooooo!11" she screamed. All the preps in da theater screamed but everyone else crapped koz Satan and I loked so cute 2gether. Satan and I started to walk outside.

**When will this madness end!**

"Zomg **I have never understood why people say ZOMG? **how did u do that?" Voldremort asked in a turned-on voice. ***Shudder***

"I'm a vampire." **Dum dum dum!**I said as we went into the car.

"Siriusly?" **Why did you have to bring him in now?** he gasped.

"Yah siriusly." I said drinking sum beer. Satan started 2 drive da car. I smelled happily. **Uh, creepy. I still don't know if we are in the past or future. But I refuse to go back.**

"Itz too bad we didn't get 2 c da rest of the movie, don't u fink?" **Yeah right – it's not like you were watching it anyway.**

"Yah." I said as we kised passively. Satan parked in a blak driveway next 2 da place where Draco and I had watched GC for the frist time. **I had the impression you forgot all about Draco – my bad.**We went inside where Marylin Mason wuz playing and started to mosh lol. **Stop saying lol. It does not make you goffik.**

"Anti-ppl now uve gone 2 far Jeus Krist **I don't like that at all! **Superstar!1111" screamed Marlin on da stage. We did the devil fingers. **?** I started 2 dance really close to Satan. He was so shmexay! **Hehehe. I command you to say that out loud. **1 He looked at me all emo with his gothic red eyes and he looked exactly like Mikey Way. I almost got an orgaism! **Eeuw! **1 Suddenly Marylin Mason stopped singing.

"I wood like to peasant **Would and present. How hard is it to spell that? Did you not have spellcheck at all?**…..XBlakXTearX!11" he said. I ran onstage. Lucian, Samaro, Snap and Hades were there. They started 2 play their instilments. I got onstag. **On stag? Stag? Stag? **

**You were on James Potter? **

**Unfair.**

"Wel if u wonted honesty datz all u had 2 say!1111" I sang. (I dnot own da lyerix 2 dat song) My voice sounded lik a pentagram betwen Amy Lee and a gurl version of Gerard Woy. **Yeah- I know exactly how that sounds** Everyone clappd. Satan got an eructation. **He belched? How rude of him.** "I'M NUT OKAY!1" I sang finaly. Suddenly Lucian started playing da song wrong by mistak.

"OMFG!1" yielded James. "Wut the fuck?" **It was an accident.**

"Woops **Hahaha.** im sory!" said Lucian.

"You fuking ashhole!1" James shouted angrily. **I don't like James anymore**

"U guys are such prepz!11" Snap said. "Cum on it wuz a mistake!1" **Thank you.**

"Yah itz not his fault!11" said Serious. **Because he's always serious. **

**-_- Yeah – I should never make puns.**

"No he ruined the fucking song!1" yelled Samaro. **I have forgotten who she is.**

"U guys stop!11" I shotoed angrily but it waz 2 late. They all began 2 fight. Sudenly Samaro took out hiz nife. **Isn't Samaro that freaky girl?**

"OMFG no!11" shouted Lucan but it wuz 2 late James tried 2 shoot off his arm. **The rat bastard.**

And den…I jumped secxily in front of da bullet!11 **Would you die then please?**

"No!111" yielded everyone but it wuz 2 late suddenly everyfing went blak.

**Wow. I loved that! Favourite chapter so far. To be honest – I found nothing wrong with it.**


	39. Chapter 39 I Am A Trolling Genious, lol

**This part of the story is so freaking brilliant, I think my commentary will only lower the epicness of it.**

Chapter 39. I Am A Trolling Genious, lolz.** You are my hero.**

Disclaimer: I do not own the HP series and I am not the real XXXbloodyrists666XXX.

AN/ I am an extremely immature pathetic idiot girl, **I love you. **I know. Out of boredom, I crack this girl's passy for fun (and it took less than 8 minutes to do it too) and will probably get in a shitload of trouble. **You can hide in my cupboard. **Which I probably deserve 'cause I'm being a troll right now. Meh.

And I present to you MY crappy part in this story. (And take note I haven't even finished reading this fic yet, but instead skip over to skim chapter 38.) Flame, laugh, do whatever you want "preps."

I, the American retail wearing british vampire Sue, coughed up blood.

Satan kneeled down beside me.

"Noooooooooooooooo! Don't die!"

I gave him a rueful smile. "I'm sorry. It's something I had to do, to fufill my duty as the noble gothic Mary Sue."

Satan sobbed. "I love you Ebony."

"I love you two. I'll...I'll see you in hell." I mumbled, already finding my surroundings fading to black.

B'loody Mary Smith suddenly popped into the room for no apparent reason. She frowned when she realized the room was oddly quiet, but at the sight of Ebony's lifeless body, she screamed. Her face became pale with horror. She screamed for the healers, Dumbledore, Mcgoogle,** Hehe, I love you.** and every single gothic person she could think of.

Suddenly, a glow started to surround the body of Ebony. Everyone stared in shock. Her body started to lift ever so slowly and then, to everyone's shock, it started to incinerate.

When everyone realized what was happening, they rushed over to try to rescue the body, but it was too late, the Sue became nothing more then a pile of ashes.

A loud resounding of everyone bellowing "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...!" filled the room.

A flash of white light from the ashes then started to bounce around the room. Everyone cowered in fear and were temporarily blinded. When it was all over, things changed.

All the silly goth clothes dropped from everyone's bodies (AN/I will refuse to explain how the hell that happened.** I am going to bake you a cake.**) and, in their place, clothes the characters would normally wear in canon appeared on their bodies.

When everyone got over the shock of becoming free of the gofick power, everybody cheered. Everyone started singing 'Ding dong the sue is dead...' Well, that is, until all the HP characters realized the true implications of becoming more canon like again.

All the characters who were supposed to be dead fell to the floor, their bodies cold and lifeless. Harry and Voldemort started dueling. On the left side of the two, the battle of the Light Side and the Dark Side were reaching a climax.

And, because the replacement author also likes to screw around with canon, Draco and Hermione fled the scene and got married. **I have never loved anyone so much in my entire life.**

Meanwhile...

Down in hell, Ebony shed a single tear because of her current situation. A situation that would live on for all eternity. Or at least until the end of fanfiction time.

She lost it all, but she knew she had to remain strong. Nothing would ever break her down.

She looked down over her pale body, and frowned. 'Where are my emo clothes?' She asked herself in confusion.

And then it occured to her...

For her shirt, she was wearing a bright pink polo with a little seagull on the (right or left? I can't remember) side. Below that, she was wearing a denim miniskirt with the "destroyed" look on it. Paired underneath that skirt were leggings with a little moose at the bottom. And then Ebony realized, on her shoulder, she was carrying a pretty bag with an eagle on it that said Live Your Life written all over the bag.

Ebony supressed the urge to scream. Here she was decked out in clothes prep to the extreme wearing stuff from Abercrombie and Fitch, American Eagle, AND Hollister. **The horror.**

Panicked, Ebony hastily tried to take off the Hollister polo, but underneath it, there was another Hollister polo underneath. Ebony frowned, and looked under her shirt. All she saw was a bra underneath (dare I point out it's from the Aerie line available at American Eagle?). Ebony tried to remove the shirt again. But to her frustration, there was yet again another polo to replace it.

"THIS IS UNLOGICAL AND DOES NOT MAKE ANY SENSE!" **I have been saying that since chapter 1** Ebony bellowed out to the air. She failed to see the irony in her statement, how hypocrytical her words were, seeing as she was practically calling the kettle black here.

Ebony slit her writs and mumbled to herself, "Omigod."

/End Crap Fic. **I don't want to go on.**

AN/ Oh yeah, if you wanna see the original content this chick had planned for this chapter, I accessed it through the document manager thingy, which I copied and pasted, so you can read it here:

AN: stfu prepz git a lif! **I already have a lif, thank you very much. **111111 U SUCK! **How rude. **11 oh and form now on il be in vocation in englind until lik august so I wont be able 2 update 4 a while, lolz. fangz 2 evry1 hu revoiwed expect da prepz hu flamed FOK U!1 MCR RULEZ 666!111

I woke up in da Norse's offace on a special gothik coffin. Hairgrid wuz in da bed opposite** That would make him a pedofile in Ebony world.** me in a comma coz Vampir and Draco had bet him up. Mr. Noris was cleaning the room. **What a kickass cat.**

"Oh mi satan wut happened!" I screamed. Suddenly Volxemort came. ** Can't get images out of my head. **He loked less mean then usual. **What have you done to Voldy?**

"Get the fuk out u fucking bastard!11" I yielded.

"Thou hath nut killd Vampire yet!11" ** And the plot thickens. **he said arngrily. Sudenly he started 2 cry tearz of blood al selective. **How does one select tears?**

"Volxemort? OMFG what's wrong!111" I asked. **Voldy's the freaking enemy!**

Sudenly…. Lucian, Profesor Sinister and Serious came! B'lody Mary and Vampire were wif dem. Every1 was holding blak boxez. VOLXEMORT DISAPAERD. **That makes no sense.**

"OMFG Enoby ur alive!111" Scremed Vampire. I hugged him and B'lody Mary.

"What the fuk happened?" I asked dem. "Oh my satan!11 Am I lik dead now? **If the world has any justice, then yes, you would be dead.**" I gosped.

"Enoby u were almost shot! **Nope, no justice for us. **11" said Serious. **In a serious tone.**"But da ballet could not kill u since u were form anodder time." **Huh? **

"But fangz anyway!1" said Lucian holding oot his arm. I gasped. He had two arms! **What? Two arms! Is that not normal?**

"OMG I cant beleve Vampirz' dad shot u!1" I gasped.

"Well 2 be honest Snap wuz pozzesd by Snap bak den." said James. **Snap was possessed by Snap said James? **

**My brain has melted.**

"Yah he wuz a spy." Serious said sadly. "He wuz really a Death Dealer."** Who are smuggling volxemort serum to Hogsmeade.**

"And he wuz such a fuking poser 2!11" said Lucian. "He didn't even realy no hu GC were until I told him." ** That would make him a poser. **Well anyway everyone tarted 2 give me presents. I was opening a blak box wif red 666s (there wuz a dvd of corps bride **That's such a goffik movie. I always have an urge to slit ma rists when watching it.** in it) on it when I gasped. Mr. Noris looked up angrily coz he h8ed gothz.** The goffik hating bastard!**

"Hey haz aneone fuking seen Draco?" I asked gothikally.

"No Draco told me he wood be watching Hoes of Wax.** Hoes of wax? **

**Hoes of wax?**

**Where can I watch that movie?  
><strong>

" said Profesor Trevolry. "He duzzn't know dat ur better. Anyway da norse said u could get up. Cum **No thank you. **on!1"

I got up suicidally. Lucian, Serious and Profesor Sinister left. I wuz wearing a blak leather nightgun. Under that I had on a sexxy blak leather bra trimed wif blak lace, with a matching thong that said goffik gurl on the butt and sexy fishnetz that kind hooked on 2 my thong (if u don't get da idea massage me ill tell u). I put on a blak fishnet top under a blak MCR t-shirt, a blak leather mini with blak lace and congress shoes. **I might just kill someone. **I left the hospital's wings wif B'lody Mary, Willow and Vampire.

"OMFG letz celebrate!11" gasped Willow.

"We can go c Hose of Wax wif Draco!1" giggled Vampire. **He's such a girl**

"Letz go lizzen 2 GC and kut ourselvz 666!11" said Hermoine. We opened da conmen room door sexily. And den…..I gasped… Draco wuz there doing it wif Snap** God. The mental images that have overtaken my already sick minded head! **

**I will never be able to sleep.**

**Why must she kill our hopes and dreams?**

!1111111111111111111111111 He wuz wearing a blak tshirt wif 666 on da front and baggy jeanz. **What does that have to do with anything?**

"U fucking prep!11" we all yielded angrily.

"Yah u betrayed us!111" shooted Vampire angrily as he took out his blak gun. **Guns don't kill people, people kill people.**

**That's right, I can be deep.**

"No u don't understand!1" screamed Draco sadly as he took his thingie out of Snake's. **Ugh. I will never be able to look at life the same way again.**

**But how did he put his thingie into Snape's.**

**Not that it's really important.**

"No shit u fuking suk u preppy bastard!111" said Willow trying 2 attak him (u rok girl!1). I ran suicidally to my room I sexily took a steak out. **I had steak for dinner.**

"Enoby no!11111" screamed Draco but it wuz 2 l8 I had slit muh ritsts wif it suddenly everyfing went blak again.

Sincerely,

An-Anon-Author-Who-Will-Silently-Not-Reveal-Her-Identity-Because-She's-A-Coward :P

A.K.A. Just a troll with rocks for brains.** I love you.**

**I love you. I love you.**


	40. Chapter 40

**I truly am sorry for not updating sooner. I've just been having some personal problems. **

**But, I shall live.**

**Lol, Ms. MM, your review made my day. Please don't kill me, I have updated.**

**But seriously, all your reviews have brightened what has been a hard time in my life. **

**I love you all. *Tries and does some spastic queen wave.*  
>*Fails miserably*<strong>

* * *

><p>Chapter 41.<p>

AN: 2 every1 hu kepz flaming diz GIT S LIF **I have a lif. **! I bet u proly odnt no hu gerod way is ur proly al prepz and pozers** I am amazed I could read that.**!11111 neway sum1 hakked in2 mi akkount** I love her.** in November and dey put up my last chaptah but now der is a new 1. im surry 4 nut updating g 4 a while but ive been rilly bizzy. im trying 2 finish da story b4 da new movie kumz out. **What new movie? The Harry Potter one?** Im gong on vacation 4 a mons I wont be bak until abott 2 weeks. OMFG drako iz so hot in all da pix 4 da new movie!111 ***Bows head in shame* I have to agree with her. Sucks that he has a girlfriend.** I wunted dem 2 put a kameo by geord way lol he hsud play drako.** No, this is as far as agreeing with her goes.** if u flame ill slit muh risztz!11 raven u rok gurl hav fun in ingland. **We should all pray for (E)Ingland. **

When I wook up I wuz in a strange room. **That happens to me everyday.**I loked around I wuz wearing da same outfit I had when is performed wif XBlakXTearX!11 I looked arund confusedly. It wuz da Norse's office but it looked difrent! **Are you sure it wasn't a different room?** On da wall wuz a pik of Marlyin Munzon!1111 (just imagin dat he is an 80s goffik band 2 ok koz he is more old den panic? at da dizcko or mcr) der wuz also a goffik blak Beatles calander with a picture of the beetlez werring iyeliner and blak cloves. On it said '1980.' **I might just die right now.**

"OMFG! Im back in Tim again **Geez, how many times are you going to go into Tim?**!111" I screamed loudly. Suddenly Satan(dis is actually voldimort 4 photo refrenss!** I'm sorry what?**). Voldimort wuz wearing a blak leather Jackson, **He was wearing a Jackson? Where can I buy one? **blak tight jeans and fishnet pantz. He looked so sexah I almost had an orgy **That sound you hear is the sound of my brain crying.**!11

"OMFG Enoby r u ok." **Woah, when I first read that, I read Ebony you rock! Yep, I should get my head read.** He asked gothikally.

"Yah Im okay 4 ur in4mation." I snapped sexily. "OMG am I dedd?" koz I remembered I had jumped in front off da bullet from Jame's gun. I also rememberd cing Drako doing it wif Snap!111

**I could have gone my whole life, not having to relieve that memory.**

**Ebony should die!**

I guessed dat when I had slit mi wrists I had went bak in tim instead of dieing. ** Okay, I have never been more confused in my life. **I knoew I could go forward in time if I found a time-toner or da tim machine. **Except for that one physical science exam.**

"No ur not dead." Satan reassured **Satan told her she's not dead. **

**I cannot take this seriously.**

**I just can't**

**I'm imagining her in Hell, with Satan throwing her with rocks?**

**Is it just me?**

suicidally as he smokd a cigarette sexily and smoke came all over his face. "Ur a vampire so u kant die frum a bullet. Cum on now lets go c how Hairy's dad is doing."

I noo dat da real reason I didn't die from da ballet was koz I was from da future. "WTF! James almust shot Luciious!" I said indigoally. I knew that James had really ben possezzed, but I didn't want him2 know I knew.

'Yah I know but he had a headache he wz under a lot of stress."** Lol, favorite part of this chapter. BY FREAKING FAR!** Satan reasoned evilly. **How can you not like this story?**

"I guess that's ok." I said because James hadn't really shot Lucian. Also I noo that Lucian wood now have 2 arms instead of 1. **What? When did he have one arm? **I walked seduktivly outside with Satan. Suddeni I saw a totally sexi goffik bi guy!11 He had bleched blond hair wiv blak streaks up 2 his ears and he wuz wearing goffik blak iliner, a blak Green Day shirt (it showed billy joel wiv bolnd hair since it was da eighties** I'm just going to pretend I never read that.**), blak congress shoes and black baggy pants. He walked in all sexly like Gerrd way in the vido for I Don't 3 u lyk I did yesterday and you cud see a blak tear on his face lyk da wmn in dat video. "Hey." He sed all qwietly and goffically.** I'm imaging him saying it like Ross from F.R.I.E.N.D.S (If you don't know that show, then you're a poser prep!)**

"Who da fuck is that?" I asked angrly cos I did nut kno him.

"Dis is…Hedwig **No! Not Hedwig! PleaSE NO!**!11" Sed Volximort. "He used to be in XBlackXTearX 2 but he had 2 dropp out koz he broke his arm. **His wing, you mean.**

"Hey Hedwig." I said seductively evn tho I wuz nut tring to b.

"Lol hi Enoby." He answered but then he ran away bcos he had hair of magical creature. He was humming Welcum 2 da Blak Prade under his breth( I no dat is not 80s but pretend it is ok!** I refuse.**)

"Bye." I sed all sexily. **Such an interesting conversation.**

"Dat was Hedwig. He used 2 b my boifreind ***Chokes on cool drink* **

***Glares at cool drink now on floor.***

*** swears at computer*  
>*Then hits herself for being an idiot.*<strong>

but we broke up. **I'm crying now.**" Satan said sadly, luking at his blak nails. **Like the sexah bi guy he is.**

"OMFG I can get u bak 2gether!" I said fingering something **NO! MENTAL IMAGES!**I didn't know wuz in my pocket- a blak Kute is What we Aim 4 cideo ipod that I could take videos wif (duz ne1 elze no about dem? dey kik azz!** I want to kick your ass.**).

"Ok u can 4get about ur class for now, Hedwig. Im going 2 show u something grate!1" I led them to da Great Hall. "Cum** I don't find this funny anymore** on u guys."

Lucian, James, Serious and Snake were all in da Grate Hall. Lucian woudnt talk wiv James because he had tried 2 shoot him. **Common sense. I wouldn't either.**

"Go fuk urself you fukking douche!" he shouted at him. "Drako is never gong 2 b frends with vampire now!1"**Draco never was friends with Harry!**

"Yah go fuck urself Samaro!" Snape** She. Spelt. His. Name. right!** agreed but I noo he wuz lying koz it had been his folt James had almost shot Lucian.

"B quiet u guys." I said sexily. Mi plan waz working oot great **What plan?**. Now I kood make Voldement good wivout doing it with him **Oh, that brilliant plan**! Now Vampire's dad wood never die and "OK Satan and Hedwig, u guys can start making out." I said and I started 2 film dem wiv da ipod.** *Nods head* That's nice. Tell me more.**

"Kool." said Serious as Voldemort and Hedwig started 2 make out sexily. **Blegh. No other words describe it.** We watched as tdey started 2 take each odderz cloves off sexily. **No, please. I beg of you. **Samaro, Serious, Snake and Lucian all watched koz dey wer prolly bi. I noo Snape was bi. **Who isn't bi?**

"Oh my fukking god! Voldimort! Voldimort!"** I'm dying.** screamed Hedwig as his glock **His glock?**

**Glock?**

**Glock?**

**I'm going to go around calling people that. ** touched Voldemort's.

But suddenly everything stopped as da door opend and in kame…Dumblydore and Mr. Norris!111111111111 **So many 111111. What is the need?**

* * *

><p><strong>WILL SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME THIS IS ALMOST OVER!<strong>

**What? 2 more chapters!**


	41. Chapter 41

**I'm sorry, I have done the unspeakable, that which must not be named. For I have not continued in over so long!  
>*Sobs in corner*<strong>

**I believe I was in denial over ending this that has changed my life forever!**

**I shall not be able to do this alone, therefore I have the always interesting Isabelle with me for emotional support, in italics she shall be.**

**Let's continue then!**

* * *

><p>AN: omg da new book iz kumming <strong>I forgot how amazing this was. <strong> out rlly soon I kant wait! 1111. I fink dat snap will be really the same person as Volximort koz dey are both haff-blood so dat will explain y he kild dumblydore and he hated hairy!1111 nd den hairy wil have 2 kommit suicide so voldimort will die koz he will rilly be a horcrox! ***Mind blown* She was actually right about something? **111 omg I hope draco nd harry get 2getha dat will be so shmexxy, wont it? _**Ahh the fantasies of a crazed Gothic Adolescent. **_** Tis so much fun, isn't this? Gosh, how I missed this thing!** If dey don't den JKR is hamophobic!111111 fangz 4 da help wiv facts, medusa u rok!111

I sat depressedly in Dumbledork's office wiv Hedwig, Satan, James, Serious, Snap and Lucian. **Sigh, till this day, I cannot remember who the hell these people are. **Dumbledore was sitting in front of us cruelly. **No, not Dumbledore.** He looked more young den he did in da future. He had taken da ipod away and wuz now lizzening 2 a shitty Avril Levine song. _**No Avril Lavine song is shitty .crappy , yes, but not shitty. **_**I rather believe the Beatles to be more of Dumbledore's taste. I can just imagine him rocking to Yellow Submarine.**

"What da hell is this anyway?" he cackled meanly. I hoped he didn't find out dat I was frum another time. **So confused.**

**Let me try and recap.**

**She went into time for some odd reason that thankfully I can't remember, and how the hell does Dumbledore have an ipod then!**

**These are the questions that need answering.**

_**I can count to potato**_

**Shut up. You make less sense than she does! **

"Whatever u do don't blame Ibony, **I sense a sexual joke hidden in this word** u jerk." Satan said.

"Yah, siriusly she was trying to get Satan and Hedwig back together." Serious said deviantly. **Who was Satan again? **

"Be quiet you Satanists." Dumbledore cockled. _**Hidden behind the horrible grammar and spelling of this story lies the fantasy world of a sex addict. **_***Jeanette is still laughing at the word 'cockled" to add to this*** "If ur lucky I'll probably send u all to Akazaban! That will teach u to copolate in da Great Hall." He changed the song on da ipod 2 a n'Sync song. Suddenly I noticed sumfing strong about da Ipod. It was slowly chonging! **I wish to chong, may I? **Dumblydore didn't notece. _***chongs* **_

"You fucking poser." _**Hypocrite**_ I muttoned.**You, uh, meated? **_***Insert bad pun that involves meat***_

"I bet you've never herd of GC." James said. Know I knew waht da iPod was chonging in2- Morti McFly's tim machine!11

"Shut up Jomes!" Drako's dad shouted.

"Yeah shut up!" Snake said preppily. **Snake would never say something preppily you ridiculous swine! **

"No u shut up Dumblydore!1111" said Tom.

"I've had enough of u Satanists in my school!" shouted Dumbledore spuriously.** She knows a word I don't *cries in shower* **

Suddenly I grabed da iPod from him. "Evry1! Jump in b4 itz 2 l8! _**Now she is giving her services for free, heck she commands them to 'jump in' Ebony you SLUT. **_ I jumped in2 it. But only 1 odder person jumpd in. It was...Satan. ** oh the joy. **_**So no sixsome then? Not even a threesome? Damn you Tara**_

"You dunderheads! **I love this. **1111111111" screamed Dumbledore wisely as we went.

I looked around. I wuz in da Slitherin conmen room _**Where the conmen hang out? Riiiight? **_ wiv Satan. I was wearing a blak plaid miniskirt with hot pink fishnetz, a sexy blak MCR corset and blak stiletto boots with pink pentagroms on dem. My earrings were blake Satanist sins and my raven hair was all around me to my mid-black. **Another not needed paragraph describing your bad taste in clothes. This, I did not miss.**

"Hey kool where iz dis?" he asked in an emo voice.

"Dis is da future. Dumbeldore's iPod dat he tried to take away from me wuz really also a tim machine." I told him. **Nope, no smartass comment can better this, care to try Isabelle? **_**I think her dildo is named tim… but that is all.**_

**Why am I friends with you?**

_**Because I have a dildo.**_

***Stares* mmmm. Uh, no, I have no need for a dildo, much less one named Tiny Tim.**

_**His name is Legolas!**_

**You sicken me.**

"Kool what's an ipatch? **Only the coolest new technology for pirates.**" he whimpered.

"It's somefing u use 2 lizzen 2 music." yakked. **While throwing up? Gross. I just yakked to this sentence.**

"OMFG kool wait whatz a 4-letter-wurd 4 dirt?" _**This story**_ **Um, dirt?** he esked in his sexah voice.

"Um I guezz sand?" I laid confuesdly. _**Idiot**_

"Yah I wuz just triinyg to make sure u were stil da same perzon." **So no Tara imposter would know that a four letter word for dirt is sand? Curses! **He triumphently giggled.

Suddenly some of my friends walked in. _**I highly doubt it, but this is Tara's story so she could probably have some friends. **_

**You have friends, don't you? **

_**Do you count? **_

**No, I count as awesome. **

_**Then Llama. **_

**Let's just continue**

"OMG you're fucking alive!" said Ginny wearing a blak leather jocket, **I want a jocket! **_**I thought she was gothic, now she's jock**_

**Gasp! She joffik**_**! **_

***Jeanette admires how amazing she is*** blak baggy pants and a goffik black Frum First to Last shirt. I explained 2 her why I was alive._**Yes,please explain WHY you're still allowed to live after writing this piece of Crap.**_

**Without the epicness that is Tara, this amazing literature would never have been bestowed upon us.**

"Konichiwa, bitch." _**Nani? ..Baka. **_**Dafuq? Ima ignore you now.** said Willow. She was wearing a blak corset showing off her boobs with lace all around it and red stipes on it. With it she waz wearing a blak leather miniskirt, big blak boots, white foundation, blak eyeliner, red eyeshadow, and blak lipstick.

"Hey, motherfucker." **I fucked your mom. Herp a derp. **_**I was there too derpa herp **_Said Diabolo with his red hair. _** The hair speaks! One of the many advantages of being a ginger **_ He waz wearing a black P?ATD t-shit **Epic, he was wearing a T-shit. Ima get me on of them.** and blak baggy pants.

"Hey whose that, Ibony?" B'loody Mary questioned as she walked in wearing a black t-shit with a red pentarom on it with lace at the bottom, red letther pants with blak lace, and black stolettoes.

"Oh its Satan." I told her and she nodded knowing da truth. **What truth? **_**That it's Satan, duh**_

Suddenly Satan started to cry. _**Never thought I would EVER hear that **_

"Are you okay Satan? "** No you ass, he's crying.** we asked concernedly.

"OMFG ur from da future!1! What if u don't like m anymore koz were from difrent times?" he asked. **He sounds like a girl! Geez get a grip. You're so much better off without this slut. **_**He's Satan for Crying out loud, he can at least get a chick who knows how to spell.**_

"No I still like you." I said sexily to him. **I'm imagining her saying this whilst crawling on all fours.**

**Just me?**

**Okay.**

"Ok." He said ressuredly. I let him lizzen 2 Teenagers by MCR on my ipod while I was about to go outside to find out some fingz _**Not vague at all**_. I gave Diabolo a signal to keep Satan occupied. Satan fell asleep. I took the iPod. I was about to walk outside. Profesor Sinister ran in!1111 She was wearing a gothic blak minidress with depressing blak stripes, white and blak stripped tights, and red converse shoes. She was wearing LOTS of blak iliner.

"Oh my fucking god, where's Draco!111 How did Snap get back here! I tohot he wuz in Azerbaijan." **Everything about this sentence makes me cry. **I asked sadly.

"Ebony I was so worried abott u but I know you can't fucking die because you're a vrompire _**Just fucking die already**_. Snape came back because that girl Britney freed him. I never liked her she was a bad student."** She was only bad cus she was a prep. **

**And stop hating on Snap! He's freaking legit!** Trevolry said reassuredly.

"That bitch!11 Did she also free Hargrid and Loopin?" I shouted angrily. I hated Britney because she was a fucking prep. _**Yay! Team Britney! **_

"Yes they are on the loose at this school. Dumblydore is back Cornelia is on his way to help evry1. Tell evry1 u see to lock themselves in their conman room!" Trevolry said worriedly.

"OK. But where's Dracko? How cum***Snigger* ** he was doing it with Snap?" ** Twas all a dream…**

"I dunno why but I know he almost tried 2 commit suicide after he saw u almost kill urself." _**Almost, almost,,, ALMOST IS NOT GOOD ENOUGH! Just die already, DIE!**_

**Whilst Isabelle runs around in rage, Jeanette shall continue this amazing story.** she said.

"OMG dat's terrible!" **That she almost died? Yes.** I gasped. Satan was still asleep, so he couldn't tell what was going on. Then I said "Lizzen evry1, I have sumthing imptent to do. in hr evry1 stay!" wiv dat I ran out.

"Good luck Tara! **Tara? That's like calling out your own name during sex. **11" everyone cried.

I ran sexily down the staris in2 da Grate Hall while da portraits around looked at me scaredly. There was hardly ne1 else in the stairs nd tere was an atmosphere of horrer. _**Tara really has an artistic way of saying things **_On da way I saw Britney laughing on da stairs. She was wearing a a slutty pink shirt wiv flowers on it, a blu jean skirt Abercromie and pink stiletoos. **Then she must die! **_**NOOO! Britneyyyyy**_ She looked jest like a pentagram _**.. yeah, cause that makes sense. **_**Have you read this story? Nothing makes sense. **of those fucking preps Hilery Duff and Lindsey Lohan.

"You fucking bitch!111" _**Talking to yourself? That's a sign of madness **_I shouted angrily.

"No, your totally a bitch. Now Voldemort will like totally kill u!" she laughed.

"Crucious!1" I shouted selectively pontificating **What! ** my blak wand and she started screaming koz she was being tortured and I laughed sodistically. **You bitch.**

"No!1 Help me!1 Please!1" Britney screamed terrifiedly.

I put up my middle finger at her. In her hand I saw da video camera Snape and Lumpin had used to take da video of me. I put the tape of Voldimort doing it with Hedwigg onto it. Then I continued to rown down the stairs with the camera. When I had reached da Grate Hall I saw Vampire Potter. "OMG Vampira!111" **You gave Harry a sex change? I shall have your head for this!** I yielded.

We hugged each udder _**Am I the only one having the image of them standing under a giant cow squeezing milk from it **_ happily. He locked at me wif his gothic red eyes and spiky blak hair. Around them were blak eyeliner and iShadow. His He wus wearing a blak leather Jackson, ledder pants, a Panik at da Disko concert shirt and his blak congress shoes. He looked mor like Joel from Good Charlote than ever. (did u hear der song da river it rox!1)"I wus so worried you died!" moaned Vampire. **Sexual innuendos ftw!**

"I know but Im a vampire lol. When I woke up I wuz back in 1980, so neway I bought Voldimort from when he was yung with me."

"Where's Draco?" I asked spuriously.

"Draco? You mean that fukking poser who betroyed you?" Vampir snarkled _**Or .. sparkled? **_ with anger in his sexy voice.

"I NO BUT WE HAV 2 FIND HIM." I SED SMARTY. **Mmm. smarties**

"I'll do it den." Harry said angstily.

"OK." I argreed. Suddenly...all da lights in da room went out. And den...da Dork Mark appeared _**Mark is not a Dork, he just doesn't like sluts so don't hate**_

"Oh my fucking satan!" Harry shouted.

"I fink Voldimort has arrivd." I sed anxiously. "Fuck, I have to find Draco!1 _**I read that differently, I can see into Ebonys dark intentions**_ guess we shood separate."

"Ok." Vampire sed diapperating. **Lol, diaper-ating. Am I the only one who finds this funny.**

**Fml. ** Sadly I ran into the Great Hall.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Jeanette has passed out due to the sheer horror.<strong>_

**There is pineapple on my pizza! Curse you pineapple!**


	42. Chapter 42

**Well, I haven't uploaded in like, forever. I apologize. **

**Buuuuttt, to make it up to you, I am going to post the two last chapters today, just so you can suffer with me.**

**This belongs to Tara Gillespie. **

* * *

><p>Chapter 43.<p>

AN: I fink after dis I wil hav abott 2 or three mor chapterz. Fangz 2 all muh revyooers not das flamers if u flamed sis story den u suk!111111 if u flam den fukk u!111

**WhdiwqohfihqwfihqwifhqiwhfWD JBWJBFJBWFJBWFJBWFJBKwj**

**That's all I could make out of THIS.**

**What? Don't agree?**

**Then you're a stupid prep.**

XXXXXXXXXXXXX666XXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXX

**So hardcore**

I walked sexily **Well duh, how else does one walk into a great hall?** into the Great Hall. It was empty except for one person. Draco was there! He sat der in deddly **What. The. Hell? **bloom in his blak 666 t-shirt and his baggy blak pants. He had slit his wrists!111 I felt mad at him for having sexwith Snape **Nope, those mental images will never go away, will they? Damn you Tara! **but I felt sorry for him. He looked just like Gerard Way with his red eyes and his pale white face. **I need to get me them boys that look like that. Daym. **

"Draco are you okay?" I asked.

**Nah, just slit my wrists. I'm totally cool.**

**You idiot.**

"I'm not okay." he screamed depressedly. I thought of the MCR song nd I got even more depressed koz that song always makes me cry. I gave him a pot cigarette and he started to smoke it.

"Oh Draco why did you do it with that fucking bastard Snape?" I asked teardully. **Her tears were dull, okay guys? Gosh, don't judge.**

"I-" Draco began to say but suddenly Lupin and Mr. Norris appearated in2 da room! They didn't see us.

"Im so glad we me and Snape were freed." said Loopin.

"Dam, this job would be great if it wasn't 4 da fukking students!" Mr. Norris argreed. **Epic cat is epic.**

"Pop addelum! **Pop addelum **!111" I yielded angrily pointing my wand at them.

**Let me say that again. Pop addelum.**

**The fuck is this shit?**

"Noooooooo!1" Lupin shouted as chains came on him. **Bondage. Muahahahah. **Mr. Norris ran away.

"You fukking perv." I said laughing wiv depths of evil and depressedness in my voice. "Now u have 2 tell us where Voldimort is or I'm gong **Lol, she said gong. Yes, I am an immature 17 year old. Deal with it. **2 torture u!"

"I don't now where he is!1111" said Loopin. Suddenly Satan and Vampire ran in2 da room. Vampir didn't know who Satan was really. **What? I don't remember any of these people. Vampire is Harry but who Is Satan?**

"Oh my satan, we were so worried about u guys!1" Vampire said. I looked sexily at Draco with his goffik red eyes with contacts, blak t-shirt that said 666 on it and pale skin like Gerord Way, Vampir with his sexy blak hair and red eyes just like Frank Iero and Satan who looked jist like Brandan Urie then. **Yum, she better watch her man, cus I wanna steal him. **

I selectively took the caramel **Selecting caramel is a serious business. **from my pocket. And then….. I began frenching Draco sexily. **Woah, we were eating caramel, and now we're eating each other's faces? Makes sense. **Loopin gasped. Draco began to take all of his cloves off and I could see his white sex-pack. **Oh God, please no. I'm begging you. **Then Vampire took his own clotes off too. **I'm sorry, what? No, I refuse, goodbye people, I'm leaving. **We all began making out 2gther sexily. I took off my blak leather bra, my blak lace thong and the rest of my clothes. **Oh God, here comes the vomit.** Every1 took their glocks out except 4 me im a girl lol. **I don't believe her. **"Oh mi satan! Draco!" I screamed as he put his hardness in my thingy Den he did da same fing to Harry. **What. The. fuck? **

**His hardness.. her thingy.. Harry. **

**Wow. But seriously though, I challenge you people to write a better sex scene.**

**Didn't think so.**

I began making out wiv Satan and he joined in. "OMS!111" **… a foursome? **cried Vampire. "Oh Vampire! Vampire!" I screamed screamed. "Oh Satan!" yelled Harry in pleasore. Loopin watched in shock. Wee took turns doing torture curses on him koz we were all sadists. Suddenly…..

**I.. I just.. I can't **

**My brain is dead.**

….a big blak car that said 666 on the license plate flew strait through da windows. And Snap wuz in it!11

**Probably wants to join in that freak show.**

* * *

><p><strong>Done! Yay, guys, there is one more chapter left. I don't know if I should be sad or happy, that the thing that tortured me for over a year is nearly done. Now if you'll excuse me, I shall be crying in that corner over yonder.<strong>

**Peace out. **


	43. Chapter 43 THE END

**So, here we are, the final chapter *epic music plays* **

**I would just like to thank each and every one of you who watched me lose my mind. Thank you. **

**On with the story!**

**I love you Tara**

* * *

><p>AN: well I hav noffing 2 say but evrt1 stup glamming <strong>I hate when people glam. I'm just like: OMG,stop glamming you prep, ugh. <strong>ok!111 if any gofik ppl r reading dis den u rok!11 omg I stil kant wait 4 da movie!1 tom fleton **who?** is so hot lol i hop harry wil bekum **Lol, gettit be-cum? No? Okay then. ** gofik koz mi frend told me he iz rlly emo in dis book!1111 omfg im leeving dubya pretty soon kant wait! Diz wil prolly be da last chaptah until I kum bak.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX666XXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXX

"Dat's mi car!" shooted Draco angrily. But suddenly it was revealied who was in da car. It wuz….Snape!

**Well, yeah, remember, that's how the previous chapter ended. **

"I shall free you Loopin but first you must help me kill these idiotic donderheads." ***Wipes tear* Sniff, that was so beautiful. **he said cruelly from the car as it flew circumamcizing **…he circumcised you? But you're a girl? Told you she had a penis! **above us. "Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way must be killed. Den the Dork Lord shall never die!"

**Wait, what?**

"You fucking prep!" yelled Draco. Then he loked at me sadly. "I forgot to tell u, Ebony. Snape made me do it with him. I didn't really have sexx him but he's a ropeist!" **He has a fetish for ropes?**

We all put our clothes on quickly except Satan. **Man, Satan's such a whore. **We were so scarred!1 But Satan didn't change. Instead he changed into a man with gren eyes, no nose, a gray robe and white skin. He had changed into… Voldemont!111

**Holy shit. A plot twist! Just let me grab my popcorn. **

"I knew who thou were all along." he cackled evilly and sarcastically at me. "Now I shall kill thee all!" **In classic Shakespearian style **Thunder came in da room.

"No plz don't kill us!" pleaded Vampire. Suddenly Willow, B'loody Mary, Diabolo, Ginny, Drocula, Fred and Gorge, **He ate too much.** Hargrid, McGonagall, **Woah, is that spelt right? Well hot damn! **Dumblydore,** Never mind. ** Serious and Lucian all ran in.

"What is da meaning of dis?" Dumblydore asked all angrily and Voldimort lookd away (bcos dumblydore is da only whizard he is scared of.) He did a spell and suddenly his broomstick came to him sexily. **Haha I actually laughed out loud for that. **Volxemort flew above the roof evilly on his broomstik. **Cus he's so evil. **

"Oh my goth!" Slugborn gosped. (geddit kos im goffik)

**No, Tara, no**

"The Dark Lord shall kill all of you. Then you must submit to him!" Snape ejaculated menacingly. **Submit and ejaculated in the same sentence.**

**Why do you do this to me Tara? Why?**

"You fucking preppy fags!" Serious shouted angrily. **Burn!**

"I know a four-letter word 4 dirt, CRUCIATUS!" **Bitch, that's nine words.** screamed Harry but da sparks from his wand only hit Draco's car. It fell down Snap quickly crowled out of it and picked up the cideo camera.

"Oh my fucking god!1" I cried becoze the video of me in da bathrum, the video of me dong it wif Drako and the video of Satan doing it with **With who? For the love of God, with who?**

"If you kill me then deze cideos will be shown to everyone in the skull. Then u can be just like that goffik girl Paris Hillton." **Wait, Paris Hilton is goffic? I would have thought that she would be the stereotypical preppy blond chick that bangs everyone. Oh well. **He laughed meanly.

"No!" I scremed. "FYI I hav da picter of u doing it with Loopin!11" **Can I borrow it? It's for research. I swear.**

"Whats she talking abott?" Lupin slurped as he sat in chains. **Stop slurping damnit! **

"I saw 2 she's gunna show evry1 da picter!111" Harry shouted angrily.

"Shut up!111'" Lumpkin roared. **You tell 'em. **

"Foolish ignoramuses!" **He he he he. Brilliance. For Christmas, someone get me a book of all of these insults. I will love you forever. ** yielded Voldemort from his broomstick. "Thou shall all dye soon."

"Think again you fucking muggle poser!1" Harry yelled and then he and Diablo and Navel both took out blak guns! **You have wands, why would you need guns? **But Voldimort took out his own one.

"U guyz are in a Latin stand-of **A Latin standoff.**

**Are they gonna yell out Latin words or? **!111" I shouted despariedrly.

"Acco Nevel's wand!11" cried Voldrimort nd suddenly Nevil's wind **Ah, no, not Neville, I love him. **was in his hands. "Now I shall kill thee all and Evony u will die!11111"

He maid **Give that maid a raise! **lighting come all over da place.

"Save us Ebony!" Dumbledark cried.

I cried sexily I just wanted 2 go 2 the commen room and slit my wrists **That always makes me feel better. Not really, cus suicide is bad kids!** with mi friends while we watched Shark Attak 3 and Saw 2 and do it with Draco but I knew I had 2 do somefing more impotent.

"ABRA KEDABRA!11111" I shooted.

***Scrolls down*  
>Is this it? Is it the end?<strong>

**Are you fucking kidding me?**

**I waisted 43 chapters for a cliffending.**

**Screw you Tara.**

**Well, I'm finally done. I can finally do normal things, like go outside. And not have My Immortal haunt my very soul.**

**I'm just kidding, I'll never be normal.**

* * *

><p><strong>Well, it's finally finished, I can't believe I spent over a year with this thing, and yet I've come to cherish it.<strong>

**Hah, I actually became best friends with Isabelle because of this. I made her read this story, I don't know why she would agree, but oh well, I'm just that awesome.**

**I don't have a purpose in life anymore. So Imma just go cry and eat some pizza.**

**Merry Christmas everybody!**


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